A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a thirty year old single mother who has been dating a man for the past five years. He has cheated on me three times that I know of and I keep taking him back. I am unable to let him go, why can't I move on and dump him? I want to but I can't go a day without texting or ringing him?
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cheated on me, move on, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, confusedchick  +, writes (21 August 2007):
I am in the same situation! I have gotten so used to always being with my boyfriend that I thought about him all the time when we broke up and even when I'd go out with other guys.. I didnt see us going ne where so I would take him back! We are back together now...and Im goin through the same old stuff about being paranoid that he's cheating... its a never ending cycle that we both need to break!
Message me if you want to talk some more!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2007): I agree with honningkanin. This is more about you than it is about him. You have no self esteem and you probably don't think you can do any better. But the good news is you can! But you have to realise this and change. I know it is hard because I have felt like you feel right now. But I also know that it is not impossible because I no longer feel the way you feel. In fact I have been through many break ups and relationships, since that time, and I feel stronger than ever. Like I don't need anybody, especially if they can't give me what I want. And it is because I worked on my self image.
You are so young. And I bet you have more to offer than you give yourself credit for. Maybe you are afraid of abandonment and of being alone. I used to feel that way too. But once you have a better self image, somehow those fears just kind of go away. And you would much rather be alone than with a jerk.
Best things you can do to achieve this is diet, exercise, socialize, get involved, make friends or just hang out more with the ones you have, work on getting that promotion, or that dream job. Just make yourself more interesting. Once you feel that you are more interesting, you are going to be a little tougher about who you text and who you allow in your life because you will have more respect for yourself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2007): I have the same problem, my hubby has been abusive, mostly emotionally but he has hit me in the past. He constantly cheated on me when we were dating and I still married him thinking that once he made a committment to me that he would change. WRONG! I have left him countless times but keep coming back to him, he is so nice to me when he hasn't got me. Cut a long story short I am leaving again, and this time I have the help of a councellor. She has made me see the merry go round I have been on. Her advice was once you've made the decision, concentrate on your own life and all the things you've wanted to do eg hobbies etc. If you haven't got any, get one! What about you going on dates with other people? Not to find another boyfriend but to just get your mind off your ex. Sooner or later you have to stand up and be strong, I am going to do it this time!!!! These blokes are no good for us. Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (20 August 2007):
You've gotten used to him. Your time with him is probably good, and then he decides to go out and have his fun without you. You want those good times back without the bad, but you know it won't happen. Stand strong, dump him for good. Yes, easier said than done, but mind over body babe. MIND OVER BODY. LOGIC OVER EMOTIONS. BE A MASTER OF YOUSELF.
Cut your contact cold turkey and then go out and meet other people. Have fun with friends or family. The important thing is to keep your mind busy, otherwise, you'll just think about how you miss him. After a while, you'll realize you don't need him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2007): Non-monogamy isn't a dealbreaker for everyone, and it sounds like you don't really care. If you love this guy and he's good for you, make sure you use protection, talk to him about using protection if he has sex with someone else, and give yourself permission to be in a non-storybook arrangement. Some people are never going to be completely faithful sexually, but are very emotionally monogamous and are good people.
If the cheating is just one of many problems and he isn't good for you, make yourself leave the guy for your kid(s), because anyone in your life will influence their development.
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A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (20 August 2007):
 I would say its purely psychological. I assume you feel you can do no better? I would say that this man you are with has, over the past five years, steadily chipped away at your confidance and you may feel dependant on him because he may have convinced you that you will never get anyone else.
This is totally untrue. What you need to do is build your confidence and start to plan your future without him. Then when you have a plan, leave him.
He will do you no good. If he cheats on you he can catch anything. Dont run that risk for your health because its obvious he doesn't care for your health or does he truely care to stay faithful. He will continue to do it because he knows he can get away with it.
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