A
female
age
26-29,
*izzie35467
writes:Me and my current bf have been going out now for about six months and are thinking about going the whole way, and having sex. He asked me to do it about two months in and I said no but now it's been playing on my mind and I feel like I really am not ready but I want to give it a go. The reason that I feel uneasy is a private matter but it wasn't nice and I'm worried that he will be cruel like my last bf and make me do things that I don't want to do. My question is...Do you think it's worth it and what would you do. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): Honestly you shouldn't do it if you feel that he may make you do things you don't want to do that shows there is a lack of trust in his intentions so you should wait til you feel there is no doubt that if you do it it will end bad
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): Ask your mom about this and see if what she thinks. Don't do anything you couldn'y tell your rents.
Good luck, Stay safe and a virgin.
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A
female
reader, hannahgolightly +, writes (30 October 2009):
 Hello. First of all, well done for questioning his request and giving it some serious thought. Going all the way is a very big decision. Although you are part of a couple and need to consider your partner in decisions that affect him, this decision is unique and should be considered from a purely personal point of view. From your letter I believe that although you are mature, you are not actually ready to go all the way with your boyfriend. It may be a case of your negative past experiences holding you back, but that is not the point.
Before you will ever be ready you need to address the issues that your last boyfriend left you with. You may need councilling to help you deal with whatever happened. It is NEVER acceptable for someone else to make sexual decisions on your behalf. The only person who has a right to make those decisions is you. Remember that always. Your current boyfriend may not be aware of how your previous experiences have left you feeling. You should find a non sexual, quiet time to tell him about your past. You will find out then if he is mature enough and caring enough to support you in moving forward. You probably need a partner who is considerate, takes his time and shows you love, care and respect in a sexual and emotional context.
Talking to your current partner about your past, no matter how awkward and embarrassing will be crucial in determining if he is the right guy to go all the way with. Good sexual experiences come from trust and good communication. If you can talk about your past with him and about your feelings, you will find that sex comes naturally and lovingly.
If you have doubts about your partner's character, as in 'will he be cruel like your ex', then I suggest waiting until you find a guy who is both sexy and also nice enough for you. It is possible that your experience with your ex has harmed your self esteem and if so, I would be careful about who you are currently attracting. When a person has low self esteem, they tend to aim lower with their choice of partner, finding a guy who backs up their low self image by behaving in a cruel way.
It seems from your letter that you may be looking for permission to tell your boyfriend that you are not ready for sex. This is understandable as it can be hard not to give something to the person we love. But this is something that your boyfriend should not demand of you unless you want it for yourself. If he loves you as much as you deserve to be loved, then he will completely understand, even if he is feeling a little sexual frustration. At the end of the day, he can always pleasure himself or the two of you can do other fun bedroom things together until you build up your confidence and he has earned your complete and total trust. Only then will you be ready.
Sex with your boyfriend should be an expression of your emotional, physical and spiritual connection. Any other kind of sex is just not worth it in my opinion. You will know when you are ready and although you will no doubt be a bit nervous the first time, it will feel right. There are some things in life worth gambling on but this isn't one of them.
All the best and enjoy your first time when YOU are ready because it is a very special gift. Just remember to use protection! I recommend ultra thin condoms with heat sensitive lubrication such as Trojan Warm Sensations as these kind of condoms actually add to the excitement and senations you will both experience, rather than dampening the mood. Take your time and enjoy!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): I think you should wait. Go by your intstincts that you feel your not ready. I think you are way to young and you can get pregnant. If a boy loves you he will wait for you.. If he does not wait then he really is in it just for the sex! I hope you wait!!
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A
female
reader, Cat_87 +, writes (30 October 2009):
 No its not worth it. Keep your virginity until your older and in a serious commited relationship! Sex makes you feel very vulnerable and brings about lots of emotions and u have to have the maturity to deal with that.
If you don't feel comfortable and a 100% ready you should not go through with this.
If you must go through with this be safe, don't just protect against pregnancy protect against STI's and aids!
Your so young you shouldn't be worrying about sex, you should be worrying about what lipgloss matches your eyeshadow and gossiping about which boy you'll be kissing next!
Lots of luck x x x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): Wait till you're ready as you will regret it later. Also if you are under 16 then its illegal to have sex anyway. If your boyfriend uses the old 'If you love me then you'll do it' malarchy then just say 'If you loved and respected me for who I am then you'd wait'. If he does things to you that you don't want then call the police and dump him. Good luck!
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