A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I split from my boyfriend over a year ago and i cant get over him, i met a guy straight after the bad split which ended with an argument and no contact afterwards. we had contact 5 months ago and i asked aboout trying again, he said no as it was too much pain when we split and he didnt think he could go through it again. we had contact through text messages for two weeks , however he said he couldn't face me as it was too painful. i arrived at his local where he was stunned, talked to me for a while but then ended in him walking away very nervously, he couldn't even look me in the eye and tell me he didnt want me. i have recently found out he has been seeing a girl of 18, when hes 30 for 5 months, which started just after this reunion. i really love him and still feel hes the one, how can i get him back and is there still a chance to get him back or has he moved on?
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female
reader, buffy0809  +, writes (31 October 2009):
 I have too had that problem with an older ex but you will move on eventually.He is still hurting from the past and the best thing to do is let him heal even if it means with her....if he truely loves you he will return and if not then it leaves the room for another man to take his place.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): I am going to go out on a limb here and say some things you are probably not going to want to hear.
Your ex boyfriend has told you the last time you asked that he did not want to try again. He probably in his heart of hearts knows that it is over between you irrevocably broken. He is still relatively young and men are a bit different than women in that they get married when they are chronologically ready to do so and it has a lot to do if they feel they can support themselves and provide for a woman, it has to do if he even wants to settle down and give up his so called freedom, give up his immaturity and he has to feel safe in order to do that, but mostly ready.
He is dating someone new for 5 months, that isn't exactly a fling. I don't think it makes much sense that he would be thinking long term with this 18 year old, but I don't know him so I haven't really a clue. It wouldn't be nice of you to try and interfere in that relationship and try to win him back, he won't respect that and you shouldn't trust him if he dumps her for you.
It has been over a year, you've asked him once about it and he said no, and you say you can't get over him.
The key word here is can't. That is a crock, you can and will get over him when you decide to.
Let me give it to you in a crass way a saying from my deceased uncle, and ex farm boy and a doctor.
"Let's see you wish in one hand and shit in the other and watch which hand fills up first."
Girl you are wasting your life away and your very own love life. You can't control what he wants or if he wants you back, stop paying attention to him, and get on with your own life.
Stop following him, contacting him in any way and get out of his life for good. If at some point you don't care about being anything more to him than a friend, then maybe then contact him or better yet, let him contact you.
My gut is that this is definately over between the two of you, perhaps it was timing or immaturity and not about lack of love. It happens a lot to relationships, to people.
The thing is that you will not find love again as long as you refuse to let him go. Because you have a big do not disturb sign on your forehead.
If you feel you are simply stuck please seek out a professional therapist to help you get past this. Sometimes the best way to get over someone is to take a big risk in your life. Move to a city you always wanted to live in, take up a new vocation or a new hobby, something that you always wanted to do but haven't yet and fill your life up with things you want to accomplish.
I can guarantee you 100% that you will be in love with another man and he will be better for you than this one, but you have to dust yourself off and get moving.
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