A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Recently a girl who i work with has asked for my number which i gave to her and now she is constantly texting me. Im pretty sure she likes me, but i dont like her, not in that way anyway for a few reasons. Firstly shes only 17 (im 20). I live in the UK where the age of consent is 16 so theres no danger of any legal issues but think it just feels/sounds a bit weird to me. She looks more like 14 too and can sometimes act really childlike which annoys me. The second reason is (and this will sound very shallow of me)she isnt very good looking--not ugly at all, but not great looking either (sorry i know shallow). This wouldnt be such an issue for me only im still a virgin (which i hate) and have been increasingly worried over it and wanting to get rid of it. Now the opportunity has finally come up (more or less) and i still see obstacles. If i wasnt a virgin then i would probably not consider going with this girl. But now im torn over it. What do i do?
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I work with, still a virgin, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, shrodingerscat  +, writes (3 August 2011):
 Only date people you think are attractive both in personality and their looks.
You are considering using her for sex, that should tell you something. Sex is not the end-all be-all of your world, and you would be dating this girl for the off chance that you could sleep with her, JUST to sleep with her. Not because you like her and care about her.
Don't be the guy that used her for sex and broke up with her that she bashes to all her girlfriends. You've heard of men like that before, I know you have. Do Not Be That Man.
A
female
reader, ayeshaH +, writes (2 August 2011):
no i would say don't go out with her.
i agree that its a bit low to use her just to break your virginity. it would be really hurtful for her if you were to just leave her after sleeping with her.
im sure you'd rather break it with someone you connect with more and find more sexually attractive.
just be patient. the right girl will come along.
xx.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (2 August 2011):
 No, dont go out with her. You are not attracted to her and she annoys you, you dont have any reason at all to date this girl! Just be honest with her and let her down gently, dont use her for sex - that is pretty low.
Being a virgin at 20 is no big deal, you have plenty of time to lose your virginity and you will be pleased you waited until you at least find a girl who you are attracted to for your first time. Plus consider this - if you are not attracted to this girl, chances are you will struggle to get an erection or keep it up if she doesnt turn you on, so the overall experience will be pretty awful!
There will be other opportunities for you, I promise, so be patient and wait for another girl to come along. Just because you are a virgin doesnt give you the right to use girls you dont like for sex, that is an awful thing to do so please dont become that guy who will use innocent young girls for sex - virgin or not, that is not a nice thing to do.
She could well be a virgin too - should her first time really be with a guy who doesnt like her and is using her for sex? For girls losing their virginity often means more to them than for a guy losing his virginity, so keep that in mind. She will want it to be special, and she will build an even stronger bond with you once she has had sex with you. Women are designed to release a special hormone after sex that makes us feel a strong connection to that man because (back when we were cavemen!) women needed men to look after them and their children, and obviously sex (before contraception!) meant children - so the woman would need the man to care for her hence she needed a strong bond to him. We still have this hormone today - so if you had sex with her she would only like you more, and then you would never be able to get rid of her (harsh as that sounds!). If you dont like her now, it is only going to get worse if you sleep with her because chances are she will fall in love with you and want to be with you all the time.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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