A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my good friend bought me a valentines card and asked me out. i think hes ugly and am a bit embarresed by him but hes also sweet, funny and likes me for who i am on the inside. should i go out with him or wait for my ideal boy who would have my level of looks but still the other qualities my friend has? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, norwalkwarriors  +, writes (25 February 2010):
Okay, so I was reading your forum dealing with the same problem. But hearing the way you put it, really just kinda made me feel disgusted with myself. If he has been there for you while the guy your holding out for has not. Who is better?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008): yes i think u shud cz if u dont u will really hurt his feelins cz it takes alot ov guts to ask sum1 out, especially if ur not that good lookin cz i fancie my frend and am not that good lookin.
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female
reader, carebear +, writes (17 February 2008):
 HiAgree with hello 1 this girl is not expressing herself in the correct way but she will learn lol. Now just because you don't find him nice looking does not mean he's ugly (such a horrible word) never use that word lightly as the hurt it can cause is sometime irrepearable. He's a nice guy he's your friend he fancys you say he's sweet funny and likes you for who you are on the inside, belive me dear these are the kinda guys real woman look for as for some reason they seem to be going short lol. Go out with him to the cinima. meal if you don't click well at least you gave it a go.Now i don't mean you should you out with everyone not to hurt their feelings but this guy is your friend treat him with some respect as its nice to know that someone fancies you!
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female
reader, hello1 +, writes (17 February 2008):
 Okay why the hell is everyone jumping down this poor girl throat? She is freinds with this boy, if she was going to grow more attracted too him it should of happened by now. If you can't see yourself kissing someone or being romantic then why should she date him? people are shallow ALL THE TIME. I turned guys down before because hey guess what I didn't find them attracted and their personality didn't help matters either. Does that make me shallow? no, it makes me a better person as I'm not dragging that poor guy along.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2008): I'm not quite sure what you mean by 'ugly'! Have you ever watched the film 'quazimodo?' (?spelling). There is a saying 'all that glitters is not gold'. However I do understand the need for some chemistry however you have not specified whether you have got chemistry with this 'ugly' boy and are just being shallow because you are 'embarrassed' (which presumably means you don't want to be seen with someone who is 'ugly') by him or whether there is no chemistry anyway, in which case whether he is 'ugly' or not is a moot point, if you see what I mean! You could give it a chance and see how it goes and if you actually don't have any chemistry then leave it but whatever you do, don't make him feel bad just because he doesn't look like Brad Pitt. You haven't said what you look like - are you above average attractive?? My boyfriend has been called 'ugly' and 'plain' by some women (women can be cruel) and people say I am much better looking than him but I am very attracted to him chemistry wise and I love him dearly for various reasons and wouldn't swap him for anyone else. Not sure if this helps - just food for thought really. Good luck x
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008): How many cards/flowers/chocs have you gotten from your ideal boy/s so far then for Valentines?? None, zero, cos perfect ideal guys don't exist in the real world.
You cant be much of a friend if you just come out and say " I think he's ugly" Shallow doen't even come close to describing you. You can hold out as long as you like for your ideal guy but I'm pretty sure you will be after passing up more chances of happiness in the mean time while you are waiting for him.
So what if your friend isn't the best looking guy - no doubt his personality, charm and kind heart will more than mke up for that! Like I've said to many people before - good looks do not last forever!!! At least he had the guts to ask you out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008): wow i have to answer this one im sorry to say you seem like a very shallow person this may not be your fault tho just something that has been implemented on you i was once very shallow as well many years ago i was very popular all the girls wanted me all the guys wanted to be me but when i went to a different school everything changed and honestly i thank god for that change i was really a horrible person i was knocked off my pedestal and i didnt like it at all i was very resentful but then thought lord is this what i was putting people through and now i understand their pain probly better then anyone i got what i deserved and im a better person for it learn from my mistakes and dont judge people purely on their looks be a nice and considerate person in time it will change your whole outlook on life good luck-michael
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): I felt that way about my first love. He even had a booger hanging out of his nose the first time we kissed. And I was staring at it the whole time. One of those hot guys actually walked up to me in the hall and said "You're with him? That's disgusting!' Ha, but I loved him more than anything and we were your age at them time. As he matured, he got more and more attractive. I would give anything to find someone like him again. Don't blow it on what other people think.
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female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (14 February 2008):
 Nah, don't waste his time or yours. You'll just get his hopes up and then it'll be even more painful when you find someone else and move on. Thank him and be sincere about it, but don't let it go any further. Just keep him as a friend. He doesn't have to know that you feel like he's a bit of an ugly-duckling. That would be crushing for anyone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): hahaha
how SHALLOW can you get?
good god.
he mite think you're butt ugly love, so he could be doing you a favour. pfftt
enough of the good looking people going for good looking people. its the real world. enter it.
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female
reader, ags +, writes (14 February 2008):
Sweet! funny! buys Valentines!.... Sounds gorgeous to me and plenty others I'm sure..... I hope he gets the best sweet, funny girl around!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): Just give your friend a shot, Its not like you're gonna marry him or anything!
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 February 2008):
 I think you should wait for your ideal guy, and wait....and wait...and wait...
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male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (14 February 2008):
 This is a hard one; i think deejuliet had it about right though. You may well find that people who you consider who are in your league are a tad full of themselves and possibly players too. I think its wrong to condemn you outright because physical chemistry is important though you werent exactly subtle in how you put this.
You preceive him as 'ugly' right now but if you do give him a chance your preception (and along with it your opinion on his looks) may well change as you get closer. Of course it may be that they dont and that then you have placed your friendship on the line for nothing; it's rare to find somebody who likes you that and I think you do treasure it, the question is really do you like him for who he is on the inside? Good luck :)
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female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (14 February 2008):
 Ooooh Hark at Angelina Jolie NOT!!!. I hope your friend finds another person to be there friend and drops a nasty shallow young girl like you. What makes you so superior to this poor young man? In my eyes he is way toooooo good for you. I rest my case Dusky xxx.
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female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (14 February 2008):
 It is amazing how your perception of a persons beauty changes as your feelings change for that person. You may not be particularly attracted to him, but if you gave him a TRUE OPEN HONEST chance, you may find that after a while you wonder "When did he get so good looking? Was he always this way or did he change?" It wont be him who changed, but you. But if you are really too shallow or egotistical and wont really be able to give him the chance he deserves, than dont bother. You will only break his heart anyway and he doesnt need that.
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female
reader, hello1 +, writes (14 February 2008):
It's easy for people to say just go out with him even though you may not find him attractive. But the simple fact is, it is important. If you can't see yourself getting romantic with him then dont! he's your mate, it's not like he isn't in your life. Why don't you wait? you could end up hurting him and ruining your freindship.
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female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (14 February 2008):
 I love the saying, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Its so true.
To you, you might be good looking, but to matey down the road you might not.
But if you have tendancies to be shallow, you will be better off waiting for someone you 'see' as on your level looks wise. Without meaning to, you will possibly end up treading his self esteem into the ground. If someone is shallow, they will almost always be. Age and experience is usually the only time people lose that a bit, because they realise someones personality makes them attractive, not physical appearance. Ive spoken to stacks of guys i think are good looking guys that i ended up thinking were arrogant a holes and wouldnt date them in a month of sundays, their looks dropped stacks within minutes. then ive met the guys that i at first wouldnt say are great looking, found they were gems, and their personalities had me ending up fancying the pants off them! But i'm 37 now! lol
And i'm not saying shallowness is a bad way to be, its just another personality trait, and if we all had the same ones, what a boring world it would be!
Good luck.
C xxxxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): Gosh, you're just charming aren't you?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): You never know, he might think you're ugly too, but meet him on his wavelength in other ways.
Beauty is only skin deep. I think you have too high an opinion of yourself.
Phil
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female
reader, didapoo +, writes (14 February 2008):
 If you don't like him like that, then dont. just be his friend
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