A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm single, and I must start to just accept that and be happy. But how can I do this?So, it's Valentines day; A day to celebrate being in love with somebody and they love you in return. It's also an excellent day to cause lots of frustration to the likes of me who has nobody, and now desperately wants somebody!I came out of a relationship about 7 months ago. Since then I have been told to try and forget about her, move on with my life, free and happy. But I'm not doing too good at that. I want to enjoy being single, but I just don't feel as happy as I do when I have somebody to throw all my attention onto and make feel special. Is there something wrong with me? I've been told that when you feel this way, it means you doubt and possibly don't like yourself as a person. While I have days where I feel this way, overall, I am satisfied with myself as a person. In fact, I consider myself to be a very good catch, and could make somebody very happy if they gave me the chance.My ex has recently met a new guy, and so all day I've thought about how she and him will probably have sex tonight. She's not been with anyone since me, and that is probably about to change. But that said, it was going to eventually, but it makes it all the more frustrating that she is going to have sex and I'm not.I just don't think I can be happy again unless: A) I find a way to erase all the memories of my ex girlfriend, or B) I find another special someone. Since option A doesn't seem to be possible, that leaves me with only option B. But this means that I wouldn't be SINGLE and happy. Instead it would just mean that I focus my attention on somebody new.What should I do? I'd love to enjoy single life, but I just can't! Help me please!p.s.Happy Valentines day to anyone lucky enough to have someone special.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): I understand what you are going through. I thought that maybe guys do not go through this as I think it's easy for you to propose love to strangers even if you do not mean it. You'll be suprised to learn that there are lots of women waiting for you or going through the same phase and longing to find someone to love and to be loved in return. You need to look hard enough, go out a lot and you might just find that special one. Pity it won't be me as I'm also going through taht and would really like to meet someone who will give me love as I have so much love to give.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2008): When a woman loves a man and he'll know. She obviously lost feelings for you and you thinking of her all the time is just making you miserable and preventing you from moving on. Trust me, there will come a time in the future where you realise you dont need and her you'll feel silly for wasting 7+months to work that simple fact out. Lifes tough, good luck xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): hmm i see where you are coming from its hard iv been in love for 3 years im a nice guy but the situation just isnt right for us to be together im very sorry about your stuation given that she is rejecting you you sound like a very good person i know this probly doesnt mean much cause well when people say it to me it doesnt mean much but try to get over her and move on with your life and meet someone new
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question"Flowers are pretty but only last a few days and when you see them starting to die, the novelty wears off"
This reminds me of my ex. For valentines day the first year we were together I got her a rose made of material, and I told her "I remember you said you didn't want roses for Valentines day because they just die. So, I got you this one. It will last forever and it will not die, just like my love for you."
I really must get over her, but knowing that I said and did things like that for her makes me just reflect on how she could not want to be with me. Does that not sound like the actions of somebody worth staying with? I loved her so much. If my soul mate is out there, I can't wait to meet her. She might just show me that there is love after my ex. Sometimes I struggle to believe that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): haha cant be single and happy?i have ALWAYS been single count yer blessings where you got em and uncle phil not bein in a relationship didnt help me none still spent 20 bucks lol good answer though
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): Love, im feelin the exact same but just think to yourself as i am doing now, Valentines day is just one day of the year, its an excuse to spend way to much of your money on useless things. Chocolates make you fat, and if ur like me and re tryin to watch your figure then, they are a no-go area. Flowers are pretty but only last a few days and when you see them starting to die, the novelty wears off. And a card which gets in the way after a few weeks.
personally i rather spend the money on gettin my hair styled and nails done. So i suggest you do the same.
Bein with someone aint always the best option in life, nobody wil know you better than you know yourself. All them fights and problems that relationships have wil just land you in complete meltdown and honestly life is too short to be spent trying too hard to please someone else.
everyone has a soul mate out there, no matter if they are with them right now or not. Believe that your is out there somewhere and its times when you are not looking for them that they will appear. so dont fret about what could be, smile for what is, right now.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (14 February 2008):
 Hi
Just remember, the years before that you have had someone special at valentines, there have been plenty that havent. Its their turn now.
Can sort of see where you are coming from. I dont mind being single, but you always get a bit lonely at times, even then.
Do you go out much with mates?
7 months isnt all that long ago in terms of splitting from someone you were with for a while. Maybe you just need a little longer to come to terms with it. When your ex sleeping with someone doesnt hurt, will probably be the right time to meet women for something long term.
Knowing you are a good catch and that you have a lot to offer someone is good, but its not essential we be with someone. When you put that, it did kinda come across as that way.
You could of course end up like me after 7 yrs of not living with someone, that you are TOO used to being single or living on your own. Thats a pain in the but and i wish i wasnt like that either. Men, cant live with em, cant live without em! ha
Lifes a rollercoaster at times!
Dont be too hard on yourself to be what society 'expects' us to be like. Just go with the flow. You will move on better when your heart and head is ready to.
Good luck.
C xxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): Look on the bright side - it's saved you a pile of cash on roses, chocolates and a card by being single!
You'll find your soulmate soon enough so in the meantime, pick yourself up and treat yourself to a night out with the boys down at the local pub. They'll all be in the same position as you and you can drown each others sorrows with a few pints of the amber nectar and cast an eye over the local talent! Always a pleasant pastime.
Phil
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