A
male
age
36-40,
*arkeyeddrgn
writes:Hey there, I'm pretty new to this type of thing, but I really need some feedback on a situation I am in from some people not involved.There is a girl that I work with, and we've been working together for about half a year now, that I've been getting really mixed signals from. At first we were just work buddies that got along really well; and then due to some personal conflicts her and a friend that she lived with quit. After that we still remained in contact, I would text her every once in a while, and we'd talk on the phone or online once or twice a week.Well one day her friend, with whom I was also friends with, came in to get her boyfriend a job as he had just moved in with them. Well, me and him hit it off pretty good and are good friends right now. But while she was there, she was talking about how she really wanted her job back.Now since I had just gotten promoted, I was able to get her job back, and the girl; even though she was a little unsure; also wanted hers back and I made it happen to.Now I am sure most of you can see the conundrum I got myself into. Because, and while I am sure they were already there a little bit, I started feeling very strongly for her. Eventually she found out, and she got very angry about it because I wouldn't tell her. We ended up not talking to each other for about 3 weeks, but eventually we started talking again and getting back to the way we were.Well things started getting back to me that she liked me and wanted to go out with me. Now even though these were things I wanted to hear, I don't put much stock into things unless they come from the actual person. But we were hanging a lot more outside of work; so I decided that I would make a move.When I asked her she said yes, but only as long as I knew it was just as friends. And then she gave me the whole schpeell of how she is not good enough for me, and she'll only end up hurting me. But she still treats me like more. i mean I could be reading to much into things, but I really believe that she likes me, a lot.I just don't know what to do. I mean should just keep going along and hope she changes her mind, or is she just playing me.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (4 December 2007):
 Maybe this girl was indeed interested in you up to a certain point, but, like the girls have said, you're more into her than she is into you. You want a relationship, she doesn't.
Maybe the girl thinks you gave her the job just to demand something as "payment". I see this is not the case, but, you've blown it.
If I were you, I would send this girl ONE short message. I would say that you understand she doesn't want a relationship, you're fine with it, and, from now on, since you're working together, your contact will be reduced to work. You'll still be friends but you want to avoid making her feel uncomfortable. And stay true to these words! DO MOVE ON.
You sound like a good person who just happened to fall in love with a girl. History is witness that such a thing has been known to happen who knows how many times. But, she doesn't want you. Do what you need to do in such a case.
A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (4 December 2007):
 I think you should really reconsider your relationship with this girl. Nothing has really started yet and she has shown she is not emotionally ready to begin a relationship. If she believes she will hurt you in the long run, believe her! She knows herself better than you know her.
Furthermore, if you are on a supervising position or even if you are just coworkers it could get really messy really fast. Love relationships in the workplace have a way of getting really complicated. The truth is if she has feelings for you they will not just disappear. Give time to time and see what happens!
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, LULU'S Advice  +, writes (4 December 2007):
 Dear darkeyeddrgn,
I think at the moment you should take on board that you are only going to be friends.This lady has been honest with you so far and honesty (while not always being the best policy)is a good basis to start a relationship.Have you been honest with her?Does she know how you really feel about her or are you worried that if you tell her it will spoil what you have at present.I don't think she's just playing you,if that was the case I don't think she would have been up front with you to start with.My best advice is to carry on as friends and see what,if anything developes.Sometimes it's better to have a few close friends rather than a lot of failed relationships.
Take care xx
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A
female
reader, suzana  +, writes (4 December 2007):
 I´m sorry but i just dont think that she is in to you as much as you are. The fact that she says that she is not good enough for you is a clue. If she had strong feelings for you she wouldnt be saying that. Thats what we women say when were not that intrested. My advise for you is try and not show her how intressted you are , ignore her for a while and maybe show some intrest in another girl and see her reaction. She is just to sure of your affecton for her. Make her a little insecure. That may do the trick. I wish you good luck.
Suzana
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