A
female
age
36-40,
*ligm19
writes:i need help !im really in a bad situation and every day im having second thoughts, i left my husband in october of last year, we got in to an argument and i ended with bruises on my arms and a busted lip . i pressed charges against my husband and moved to my sister's house where I'm still living . All this 4 months had been very difficult for me I know my sister wants the best for me but I still love my husband and living in her house sometimes is not that easy . She is married and also has a kid and lives with her mother in law that sometimes makes my life miserable , she is very anoying . I still can't find a job so most of the time I stay at home and that makes me feel worse I started to feel very anxious and depressed ( I dont even have a car ) . i started to get in contact with my husband this year in january . he just said that he feels very ashamed for what he did to me and he just wants to see me happy . Sometimes i feel like Im just gonna give up and go back with him because I don't feel happy living at my sister's house but also I don't know if that is gona be a good decition . I know I haven't been a good wife either sometimes I used to be in a bad mood and get mad at him if I had a bad day at work plus I was feeling very homesick because I was missing my family(they live in another country) .Im 23 and he is 32 but for his age he is still inmature,we used to argue sometimes because he loves to gamble and smokes marihuana I tried to convince him to stop doing that but he didn't care . I don't have friends , I don't have money , and everyday I just feel lonely and hopeless .
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female
reader, SillyB +, writes (3 February 2011):
 If it gets too difficult, how about go back to your family in another country? Just for a while until you figure things out? Is that possible?
The key now, so that you NEVER get into that situation again is to become educated. Educate yourself and become an independent woman who can support herself.
Otherwise, time to get a job - even as a maid (they get pain $15 an hour or as a live in nanny). Look for these jobs in wealthier neighborhoods as people tend to like live in nannies there (housing, food paid for baby sitting and light cleaning + extra money you can save). At the same time, head to school (dental hygiene or dental assistants need 8months- 2 years of training and end up with pay from $20 to $45 an hour). There are options.
Do not go back to him. Right now it sounds better to go back, but in all honesty it was a very abusive environment and you do not need to be there.
You will be so proud of yourself in a couple of years when you look back at what you went through and how you overcame it.
A
female
reader, eligm19 +, writes (3 February 2011):
eligm19 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you snow queen and the other person for your answer. I know some days are very hard for me and the memories comes trough my mind about him ( obviously the good things ).I hope the time helps me to heal my self and don't feel ashamed for what happened to me sometimes I feel weird to answer when people ask me.. why did you move with your sister? , I just feel that Im the only one living miserable and the others are having a normal life like I used to have :(
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A
female
reader, snowqueen +, writes (3 February 2011):
It sounds like you are thinking about getting back with him because you're not happy with your current situation, but not because you want him. Don't get back with him. It's not a healthy relationship, it sounds like it was a mess, and you did the right thing by pressing charges and had the strength to leave. I think that even though its tough for you now, you shouldn't give up. Keep looking for that job and striving for building a better future for yourself. Don't look back. If you get back with him its only a matter of time till things go bad, and you probably will get hurt again. Don't take the chance, you made it this far without him. You just need more time to get back on your feet. If you go back to him and then you will have to go through the whole thing again, leave again, but this time it might be harder to get help from your family again without their criticism. You have to foresee this too. They are helping you now, even if its annoying to be dependant on them, you are benefiting and you should continue to use this to make a permanent change for yourself. Once you heal a bit more, you will become more independent then you will feel great about yourself, and then you will attract someone who will
Will be also independent, strong, will care for you and love you and make you feel like you're on top of the world. This is a better plan then getting back to someone who's a pot smoking low life that put you down and abused you. Don't give up, stay strong, and you will have a bright future that you made for yourself. You can do it, don't loose hope.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2011): best you can do...find a job ASAP..start to build your own life..is time to think in yourself FIRST!
my hb never left the weed NEVER..So I decide leave him!
I had to start by myself..now I have a work I have a car I am living by my own and I feel good. That takes time but if you value yourself you can do it.
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