A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy one night that I really liked and we arranged to meet up again. The date went well until he said that he wasn't looking for a relationship and he came on a little strong so I rejected him as I didn't feel ready to take such a step. I said that we were obviously looking for different things and I went home. I felt bad afterwards though because he looked so sad and he tried to call me afterwards. I tried to forget about him but curiosity got the better of me and ended up sending him a facebook request a few days later which he accepted. He ignored one of my messages on there but then my best friend saw him out and he had told her that I was lovely. A few months went by and he messaged me to ask how I was and that he was moving three hours away and that it would be really nice to see me. My best friend died in a car accident soon after and I impulsively slept with him when I saw him. I desperately wanted to escape the pain I was feeling in that moment. I was expecting it to be a one night stand because of what he said in the beginning and went to leave when he begged me not to go and to stay the night and to have breakfast with him etc. He asked to see me again after that. He said that he wished it could have happened sooner and that could I be any more perfect and that I was too pretty?? He was so affectionate and the chemistry between us was frighteningly good. He said he had had such a great time with me and to keep in touch. He wrote to me several times after that and when he was settled, he paid for my train ticket up there and we saw each other again but then I didn’t hear anything from him for months. He text me eventually and apoligised for being rubbish at keeping in touch and that he wanted to make it up to me. I said he could take me out to dinner but then he never wrote back? So I wrote him another message to try and arrange a different date and he said we wouldn’t be able to meet up for a while because he had started seeing someone?? I was upset but I pretended it didn’t bother me and wished him the best. Now nearly a year later he has contacted me again saying that he would really like to take me out if I will let him and asking lots of questions about how I am and my life and how stunning I look etc. I replied in a neutral tone that that sounds fun but I am busy until next month (which is genuine) I ignored all his questions though because I was still angry at him for ignoring me/dropping me like that. lt’s now been two weeks and he hasn’t even replied again. Have I made myself appear too available or not available enough? Is he getting me back for rejecting him the first time round?? I don't know whether to shout at him or just tell him that I would love nothing more but to see him again. I don’t know how to proceed now? So confused!Help!
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best friend, facebook, one night stand, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (24 September 2012):
 I think you acted perfectly. You weren't jumping at the chance to see him again, you told him you were busy. I don't think he is trying to get back at you for any rejection in the past. He just wants sex, that's all. Just because he was nice to you after what you thought was a one night stand means nothing. He wants you as his booty call when he's got nothing else, he couldn't have gotten that if he were mean could he? And he makes it quite obvious, he calls to meet up only after he and his girlfriend don't work out... Very transparent. He doesn't see you as anything more than a booty call. Also obvious by his lack of responses to most of your texts, unless your text is that you will be up there to see him then his interest is gone. I knew a guy the same way. If you want something more then stop talking to him because you won't get it. If you want a random sex partner for when you feel lonely then he's your man- its certainly what he wants to use you for.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2012): Thankyou so much for your answers. That has been so helpful to hear and has saved my sanity to have confirmation that he only cares about himself. It is all a bit clearer now and I can see I deserve better. I just have to believe that I do. I will definitely try to be strong and not see him again. Xx
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A
female
reader, Read-the-signs +, writes (24 September 2012):
He's looking for sex. Sorry, but you know that if he was geunuine for a relationship he wouldn't have behaved like he did. The respect isn't there and you are worried about being used. Leopards don't change their spots.
Even if he was confused about his feelings etc he should still have treated you better than this.
Steer clear. You can do better than this guy.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 September 2012):
 You need to reconcile to yourself if you will be happy to be this guy's "fall back" girl.... the one he turns to when his other/new flame or attachment doesn't work out to his satisfaction.....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 September 2012):
 He is just interested in sex. Not all casual guys want one night stands only, they want the comfort and the regular or irregular contact and on his terms though. He does not care how you feel at all. He wants you to fill the gap and when you ask for more he is not ashamed to buzz you off with excuses. Being that he takes advantage of your caring nature, you should definitely write him off. One year is too long to care for a guy like that.
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