A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I just turned 36 and my husband is 50 and we have a 6 year’s old beautiful smart son together. Our marriage is not 100% perfect but it is ok. We have some financial issues at this moment but down the road we are in a good shape. My husband has a good investment for his retirement that he could access to it in few years and I have started my new job now. We live in the best neighborhood of the city and own our big house. The issue is my husband is insisting to have another kid. I am on the other hand not very sure. One part of me says that I will regret it later if I don’t get another kid and another part of me says that we are growing to have a complete comfortable life, my husband business is getting better now and I want to study and get my PhD and in my schedule there is no time for having another baby and of course I hate to put my kid in daycare. I didn’t work for 5 years when I had my son and as a result he is a very content and happy kid and I believe giving him full attention was one of the reasons for that. But the problem is I can’t afford to stay home anymore and having another kid is in conflict with my personal plans for my education and my success. My husband suggest that he will help me completely but I am still not sure and also I think he is insisting on that because he is afraid of losing me because of the age gap and for me being a beautiful woman who gets lots of attention and now I am independent so he doesn’t feel comfortable. I am really not sure what to do I am afraid I will regret later and It will be so late if I do not act now. please help me if someone is out there has the same experience. What is more important for me in my life is not clear right now, so I need to use your experience, Thanks for your help Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (25 September 2012):
 I think your husband has a lot of insecurities of his own and he's projecting them on to you. First, he's insecure about the age gap which is now starting to creep up on him because now that he's 50 and you're just 36, he's realizing that its a big gap. Secondly, he's insecure about you, about the fact that you're still young and beautiful and getting attention from others while he's much older and obviously not as good as you are. And next, he's insecure about the fact that if you set out to pursue the career that you want, you will be more successful than him and that is a threat to him.
Your husband wants to have another baby with you to put his insecurities to rest. He knows that once you have the baby you will be tied down, not only to the baby but also to him and that is what he wants because by the time the baby grows up and you think about getting back to work again, you will obviously have lagged behind in your career and age will also have caught up with you. In that scenario, you will be more like him, like someone he can relate to and not someone who's a threat.
All I can say is that, do what you think is right. I'm working on a PhD right now, I'm 29 and trust me, its a LOT of work. The older you get, the more difficult it will be. Don't give in to your husband's desire to have a baby just because he wants one. Having a baby means having to do everything all over again, and when you have decided on your career path and are ready to embark on a journey to finally do something for yourself, don't give in to your husband's insecurities.
I think you should both consider counselling because your husband needs to get rid of his fears and insecurities.
A
female
reader, Read-the-signs  +, writes (24 September 2012):
We live in a small house and I stayed at home to bring up our two children. If I had worked and only had one child we would have a lot more materially by now. For me, one child is not an option. I think they benefit from being with siblings and having that support in later life. All my friends who are only children went on to have more than one child themselves as they didn't like being an only child. I am aware other views exist on this topic.
There are many more years ahead for you to persue your own goals in terms of education and career. But your childbearings years are limited and therefore, if you are going to have another child I think you should do it now.
These are my own personal views on your situation.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (24 September 2012):
 What you decide, in discussion with your husband so that you arrive at a mutually acceptable outcome is something only you and your husband can decide.
All I can do is offer my feelings on this.
Most women's fertility declines a little every year. particularly from 35 years onwats. So ages thirty six to forty is your window of opportunity to get pregnant naturally.
If you wait another five or six years you may need to resort to Doctor assisted conception and the cost can run into hundreds of thousands of dollars.
So by delaying you may be saddling yourself with more debt.
And choosing to have a baby at any time before you reach forty still allows you to pursue part-time study later, and still have to give your family some of your time.
I like to say that there is no certainty in life.
So I think it is important to consider other possibilities.
Are there ways that you could already economise to clear any current financial hurldes? Any economising that could make things a little less stessful?
Some of your words made me wonder how strong is your relationship with your husband? And if there are issues in the marriage why bring another child into the equation? If you ever became a single parent how would you cope, if you were a divorcee rather than a widow?
Do you trust your husband to help you or do you disbeleive him, due to his past behaviour? It seems you are not too sure that he will help
Are you flattered by the attention you receive from other men, and wishing that you had a different partner? If yes then don't even think about bringing another child intot the world.
Perhaps you need to think about some Couples Counselling if you are living with a man who cannot handle beautiful women? If there is an age group discrepancy that is one thing, but if you are not bothered by the Age Difference then it should it should be a non-issue.
If he is bothered by any age discrepancy the he needs to talk about his fears.
Sounds like the two of you may need some joint counselling.
And some more time to smell the roses, before either of you consider all your options.
Babies grow into Adults who are our children forever.
Studies can be pursued later, as can a career.
But ony you and your husband can decide this amicably to ensure that there is no resentment and no feelings of 'loss' or 'giving up what you really want' on either side.
It is a Big decision affecting your life.
Best wishes.
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