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male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hello…My friend wants to have sex with my mum. They are both single. i care for them both and want them to be happy. I know my mum thinks my friend is cute. My friend said that he has liked her since we both were in high school. She is in her 40s and he is of age. I just do not want them to get hurt. Should I give them the green light to have sex? I don’t want to deny my friend an opportunity to have sex. If I should not give them the green light how can I break this to my friend without him feeling denied? I know I don’t want to hear them or see them doing it. I am concerned if I let them have sex that it may not be a one time thing. Is there a way that I can ensure that it is a one time thing to give my friend an opportunity to have sex with my mum? What can I do if I give them the green light and they enjoy it and want a sexual relationship? What things should I consider? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009): I can see this sort of thing happening--thank the Lord for anonymity or I would never share this...
My mom is still rather young--a very vivacious healthy, thin 49 year old. I have a single friend who is my age, around 34. My mom knows that he is single, and she knows that he would like to be married soon to pretty much any female who has a good heart and is not physically repulsive.
So Mom has "jokingly" asked me a few times about whether or not I would mind if they dated. I feel like it is pathetic desperation on her part. I would not respect my mom--or any mom--who would actually have a relationship with one of her child's friends--even if we are all adults. It's sick,-- kindred to being some kind of sexual leech. I also think it's based out of fear and weakness. She's too insecure to establish her own friendships and relationships, so she is usurping mine. Your mom is doing the exact same thing.
If your mom wants to date--help her find a nice respectable man of her own age--and fast! Hopping into bed with your friends is only going to lead to humiliation.
--signed,
Co-disgusted in Missouri
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009): if your friend and mum are above age then it is up to them how they see their relantionship you have no right to get involved how would u feel if your mother ran your sexual life butt out and let your mum be happy it sounds to me as though your afraid your be left on the bench while they spend time together grow up
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2009): Wake up friend! Why do you want to ruin the respect you have for your mother? Why take away her dignity, merely because she is lonely and you think your friend can fulfil that?
No, your friend is the same age as you, therefore regardless of whatever your mother should see him as a son too. Don't concentrate on her need for companionship, help her socialise.
Also put your friend straight on the issue, that it would never happen.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2009): What are you? Her friggin pimp?1
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): I think Tish-1 and loving arms said it best! I agree totally with their answers! It's just wierd! And I'm not referring to a 40 yr old woman with a guy her son's age...but your envolvement in it! And then...the one time only thing...what are you on??????
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (27 February 2009):
 Um, one teensy question. You say your mom thinks your friend is cute. That is a long way from saying that she wants to sleep with him. A looooong way. Have you actually sat down and talked with your mom, and asked her if she wants to bed your friend?
Because I think you're getting dangerously close to humiliating your friend and yourself if you decide to tell him to 'go for it.'
And honestly, it's not your friend you need to give the green light to, it's your mom. She's the one who gets to decide if she wants to sleep with anybody, not you. You're rather presumptuous assuming that you are your mother's pimp, that your friend has some kind of right to sleep with her, with that word 'denying'. Denying him the opportunity? Sorry, but that's just funny.
And then managing the amount--okay Mom, you go ahead and sleep with Bill here, but only the one time. Otherwise, I'm going to feel weird.
So before you go too far down that road, have a discussion with your mother. Then come back here and tell us what she said. I'd be really curious to hear that. Then it'll be worth giving you advice. Right now, this is all fantasy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): I don't know anything about you with the limited information you have provided. If it was me, my friend and my mom (if she was single), this is what I would say to my friend, "Go for it man. It's your life and it's her life. It has very little bearing with me. I will feel weird about it, but heck, it's her happiness. So long as you don't treat my mom badly, then I'm all fine and dandy."
That's me though. If you can't take it, then make yourself heard. It's okay to be selfish sometimes.
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female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (27 February 2009):
 If the sex is good, I doubt it will be a one time thing. They could possibly start having a serious relationship. You might see your friend move into your mum's room as the "man of the house". I'm not saying you should say yes or no, I am saying, it may be a good idea to make your feelings known before they do it, because most likely, they will do it wether you say yes or no. At least if you have a chance to speak your mind about it, the burden is on their shouders, not yours. So, in perspective, just keep in mind, a good nights sex between your friend and your mum could turn in to a full blown relatioonship. Are you prepared for that?
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female
reader, natasia  +, writes (27 February 2009):
 Erm, I think 'letting' your friend have one sexual encounter with yr mum is a recipe for disaster if you couldn't cope with them having a relationship. Most likely they would want to do it more than once. Most likely it would last 6 months or so.
But does your 40-something mum really want to have sex with a teenager? Do you think she would go through with it? She might think he's cute, but that's one thing - actually having sex with yr son's friend is a bit much, really.
I don't think it's totally up to you, really. Are you going to say to yr mum, 'ok, have sex with my friend, but only once?' ... I guess if you have that kind of relationship, then you could always give it a try ... but the whole thing sounds pretty risky and honestly a bit iffy to me ... (I am on the verge of 40-something and I just wouldn't allow myself to have sex with a teenage boy - well, not unless I was about to die of a terminal illness, and nobody would ever know ; )
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male
reader, urbanking99 +, writes (27 February 2009):
Personally if they both want to have sex that should be up to them and them alone. They should both decide on their terms.
You steer well clear of this situation. The less you know the better. What if they end up falling in love and marrying, your best friend then becomes your step dad. D'oh!
NO GREEN LIGHT from me.
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female
reader, loving arms +, writes (27 February 2009):
I cannot believe you are suggesting such a thing! Do you love and respect your mum? YOU do not have the right to give your mum any green lights. I am amazed that you think of sex as such a casual thing. Your friend will eventually have sex. You talk as though you're asking if your mum can give ihim a sweet. Think about how mum you value your mum as a person, single or not, the way you are talkng about her is wrong!
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