A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy at uni and become really close to him. we lost touch for a couple of years and recently met up . with a bit of alcohol and the obvious attraction still there, we ended up kissing. a week later caught up again and decided we'd be together and see how things go. its been the best few months of my life. i dont give myself easily to a guy nor feel so enthused or comfortable in relationships (after being very hurt in the past). Recently however he dropped the bombshell that hes had a bad experience in relationships and wanted me to know now that he doubts he will fall in love with me. he said he can wake one day and suddenly its not working for him so will just want to end it. he said he finds me intoxicating, the best person hes had so far. he never rushed into things but with me it all just felt right. he said he actually enjoys being with me but his biggest fear is hurting me. i dont know what to do. if i continue it i will worry deep inside and if/when it does and hate myself for putting myself through it. if i end it now i cant see myself wanting to remain friends. i havent fallen in love but i am so fond of this guy its not funny. im a mess trying to work out what i should do. ideas anyone?
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (21 November 2011):
 Thanks for coming back and giving us an update.. It will provide a useful warning for other women who are now in the same position.
You gave it a chance, and that's healthy. Your not letting bad experiences drive your life.. He's a twat, and he will always stay one.. Good luck and stay well
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answers everyone!
Needless to say, the guy cheated on me about a month late. Dumped me out of the blue. He was obviously a twat and i never turned back!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2009): So, what is wrong with staying friends? You both seem to be exploring right now. You can be attracted to someone and like them a great deal. But that is not the same as love. That takes time...and a lot of being together and communicating. Give it time and see what happens. He is reticent, because of a past experience,..but, so are you. Don't put each other under pressure, but I think you do need to spend some quality time together. No, I am not talking about sex. That is up to you. But, just give it some time. Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (24 June 2009):
 you clearly really like him and i respect him for telling you what he's told you but you just need to say to him how you feel just tell him he's the best thing to happen to you in a long time as well and that you really want to see where it's going and how will he know he won't fall in love with you if he doesn't give it a go?
you need to make him realise that if he doesn't give this a chance then he could lose the best thing he could ever have had in a long time you could very well be he true love and he won't know it because of some past relationships.
you need to make him realise you are willing to give this ago as much as he is and if he doesn't try and you don't try then how will you guys ever know what could of been?
hope this helps hun x x x good luck :) keep me updated message me you need anything :)
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A
male
reader, Your friend  +, writes (24 June 2009):
 He must like you a lot to warn you that you could get hurt but that comment can apply to any couple in any relationship whether it is said or not, thats the risk we all take when finding a partner. He may also be moving into the same timeframe when he was hurt in the last relatoionship and just needs to get past it. Don't sabotage yourself because of the comment, just enjoy yourself and you will get the right outcome.
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity  +, writes (24 June 2009):
 This sounds like typical guy bull shit. I know all these words sound sincere, but if a guy really likes you, he doesn't make excuses as to why he might 'hurt you' as a reason not to get closer. It should be a given that he might hurt you. People hurt people when they are in a relationship, because usually the relationship eventually ends. That should be one of those quiet givens, but people give things a try because they really think that this person might be someone they want to spend a very long time with. This guy doesn't even think that attempt is worth the effort because he is already convinced that it just won't work. That should be a red flag. He is basically telling you that things aren't going to get very serious between you two. If you are ok with that, then there is no problem with you choosing to stay with him. You'll both just be friends with benefits for a while. The end. And a newsflash, drunken make-out sessions as a first impression hardly end in love and relationships. Guys usually can't find themselves to respect such a method of breaking the ice. If you can't handle this arrangement, then my advice would be to just stop seeing him and cut off contact. That way you won't get hurt. At least he was up front about what he felt instead of stringing you along, right?
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