A
female
age
30-35,
*ad_desires
writes:Well I asked a question about my boyfriend not being jealous. Well that all of a sudden has changed and now he's really jealous. Seriously, I can't stand him anymore and like just a minute ago he called me yelling because I hugged my friend who happened to be a guy because his girlfriend just broke up with him and my boyfriend made a big deal about it...Anyways I called him up to ask for advice on this problem for my guy friend and he totally goes off on me, he's back to his old ways again saying that I'm always wrong and that I'm a hypocrite and that he doesn't even know why he's with me, other than he loves me and that's when he hangs up the phone leaving me in tears...Then he calls me crying and says he didn't mean it and he loves me and he doesn't wanna lose me and that he wishes he could take it all back but I told him that I'll have to think about it, because all it seems like I'm doing now days is forgiving him so do you think I should forgive him???? P.S. I love him more than anyone...
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female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (2 December 2007):
 A little jealousy is natural and healthy, but this is not a little. It sounds like you are on a roller coaster, which relationships usually are, but you know what I mean, one of those really big roller coasters. He's calling you names and saying mean things to you like a little kid would do. He's got to learn to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Give him an ultimatum. Tell him that if he treats you like this again, you are gone. His insecurity is a more difficult problem to deal with. Tell him that if he feels jealous he should admit to it, and explain why he is so worried, instead of yelling at you and calling you names.....I don't really like where this is going.....
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007): i get jealous outburst wid my girlfriend and in the end it got so bad that i ended up leaving her...but i want her back...i just cant stand the fact that shes always with other guys and sometimes i feel like that she wants to be with them more than i do so i called her up and i basically ended it..i regret it now coz i still love her...but i think shes gone off me. in answer to ur question..if u love him then ull forgive him...and try and show him that even tho u talk to other guys...u still love him the most
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007): Hi - you are both still learning and developing as young adults. You can't deal with other peoples emotions because you are still dealing with your own. You are too self-centred. If you don't agree - just look at the screen name you've given yourself. And then you post a question about jealousy!!! You have these problems because you are just too young for relationships right now. Try doing a web search on famine and poverty to put these issues that are in your mind into context. If you don't do the web search, it proves my point.
Let's say now that you do want to accelerate the development process. That you do want to understand your b/f and he you. Then go and do something that makes a positive contribution or effect. Do it together. Together is fun.
Help a charity. Improve your neighbourhood. Volunteer. Help the poor. Raise charity funds. Donate some time.
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A
male
reader, steve107  +, writes (2 December 2007):
 He's a guy don't need to say anymore. lol. even when guys say there fine with there girlfriends being close to another guy pal deep down there not. They see it as a threat when another guy gets too close like hugging in your case. That may be part of the problem. reasure him that he is the one you love and that his out bursts arnt helping your relationship. Take one night to talk to him properly and try to get to his softer side then tell him whats wrong there is more chance he will listen then and take it in. although i think the hugging thing may just be part of the problem. communication is the key to a good relationship. you both seem to be in love with each other so work at it. life is never perfect so make the best of it.
all the best
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A
male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (2 December 2007):
Tell him that the way he has behaved has hurt you a lot and that you need time to deal with things. Suggest that maybe it would be best if for a week or two you both just wrote letters to each other. Not SMS texts, or emails, but good old fashioned letters that travel via the post office. The big advantage of letters is that you can read them after you have said it and before the other person has read it. That way if you think you have expressed yourself wrongly you can correct it. It is the best chance you have to unsay something. You need to tell him that as well so he can try and do it. Maybe even tell him this in a letter.If you love him more than anyone, tell him, but also tell him that just because you love him does not mean you will be his door mat to walk all over. Ask him if he knows why he is like this now? Is there something that is stressing him out and you happen to be the nearest target? Does he know why he is now jealous? If you ask these in a letter, he has the chance to appreciate the question and not overreact with shouting or being abusive.Do accept that no matter what, he might not change. You have to decide if you can live with this or not. Set your self clear boundaries and make sure he knows what they are.If it does not work out. Do not worry, you will get over it and you will find a better guy that you can love even more and who will treat you as you should be.When it comes to relationships we should be so selfish that we do not accept second best and so unselfish that we want to be the best for the people we love.All the best.
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A
female
reader, KittenMagic +, writes (2 December 2007):
 This sounds so similar to me and my boyfriend. I suppose you can only really ask yourself what to do. Do you believe him when he apologises? Does he do it time and time again, even though he says he's sorry? Or is it just once, which can be forgiven?Alternatively, put yourself in his position. What if you saw him hugging one of his female friends? Would you jump to the wrong conclusion? And i'm sure you wouldn't want to talk about another girl he's been seen with over the phone.If you two really love each other truly, then you can make this work=]
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