A
male
age
36-40,
*ahum2102
writes:I'm 21yrs old and i have never had a boyfreind, i like to go out to partys and clubs with my freinds, i have had guys come up to me and ask me for my name and then my number.However, i've never given them my number and even though it feels good that other guys seem interested in me i always end up walking away, my problem is, i dont know how to carry a conversation and i just dont know what to do with a boyfreind, can someone give me advise on how to get over my problem? Thanks Reply to this Question
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male
reader, nahum2102 +, writes (3 December 2007):
nahum2102 is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks, for replying, im so scared of being single for the rest of my life like my aunt. one of this days i will most defitnetly take your advise and just go with it (im probably going to new to take a couple of drinks first lol)
A
male
reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (2 December 2007):
 You sound like you have surrounded yourself with dead ends. If you're not giving out your phone number you will never give a guy a chance to talk to you unless you take the initiative and call them yourselves. What makes it worse is you won’t call them back because you are shy and don't know how to converse well.
So you obviously have a couple things to work on here. First, talk to these guys more when you meet them right there in the clubs. Make it like mini date when they approach you. Open yourself up to taking your conversation to a corner away from your friends if you can. Get to know them...that's how trust is built. If you think the guy is cool then you show your approval by giving him your phone number. After that you have given him the lead and permission to call you back. If the guy likes you he calls you back and then...you go on dates, see where it goes and who knows.
The only solution for breaking out of shyness is talking. I'm a pretty quiet guy myself. Not so much shy but a man of few words. That's how I see myself. When people first know me they think I'm shy, then after they know me, they just know it’s my character. I have accepted my quiet personality and I am doing fine. I think woman are attracted to my mysterious side as well.
The thing about talking and carrying a conversation is you have to learn the art of talking BS or small talk. Not every conversation has to be about current events or high minded topics. This is something I have had to learn myself, because I'm usually the smartest guy in the room... I find I have to bring my brain down a few notches when I'm meeting new people, potential girls to go out with and the like. You have to adapt to the environment and go with the flow...when you do this enough you build more confidence and it gets easier.
So my best advice is talk, talk, talk. Don't worry about what people might think. People are going to be judgmental and that’s how they get to know you. You already have guys coming up to you...just open up to them more. The more you talk the less you are conscious of being shy.
You might learn to accept that being quiet is just your personality like I have. Don’t try to be something you are not. But don’t let life pass you by either. Get out there and live it. Just talk…it won’t kill you.
P.S. I understand you are gay and I’m straight but what I am saying here is universal. I would give this same advice to any girl or guy straight or otherwise. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, auvi  +, writes (2 December 2007):
carrying a conversation with a guy is positively easy. trust me...
if you look atleast moderately pretty , then most guys will try to build with a conversation with you on their own, to try and impress you. so when you are with a guy, nudge him to say more ... then he'll take the lead and will try to build up a conversation where you both can talk...
also, you can ask about his life, job, family , music , cars ( yes ) favourite sports, sort of girl that he likes ... etc etc... guys love it
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007): Hi.It seems that you feel shy and awkward in these types of social situations. Do you have a good friend that happens to be a boy? Not someone you fancy but someone who is a good mate and who you trust. If so, then you need to explain your dilemma to him and ask about just talking, letting you practice having conversations about all sorts of topics.If you do not have a friend like that then you do need to find someone you can practice talking with.Perhaps rather than give these guys your number, ask for theirs. That gives you the control over when and where to call them. Time a first call when you cannot talk long, just enough to say hi, you remember them from the other nights/party/dance etc., and that you just wanted to call and see if they were interested in meeting for coffee one afternoon.There are reasons for coffee and for afternoon and for keeping this first call short. Coffee (or some other non-alcoholic drink) is innocuous and widely available in cafes etc. People talk over coffee but they rarely get expectations of kissing cuddling and 'scoring'. You are sending him a message that you would like to talk and get to know him, not that you want to become a notch on a bed post somewhere. People talk when they want to become friends and friends always talk.Afternoon is not night time, daylight is clear and you will feel safer with someone you do not yet know. Meeting in a cafe for coffee in the afternoon is also safer and if you decide after a short while that maybe this person was not a good idea, then you can leave after one coffee. In the afternoon it would be expect that you would have something else to do later whereas if you met at night it would be unusual for you to have other plans and so your reasonable excuse to 'get away' would be gone.Why keep the first call short? All you want to do at this point is find out if after a gap, he still wants to get to know you. If his original thoughts at the party or wherever he met you, was to score, then a call during the day will soon show that up. If you are nervous talking to new guys, then you need to just take it steady and slow. A short conversation is cool, yet not unfriendly. Also there is the distinct possibility that he is equally nervous about talking with you. Guys can be stupid with people they like and do not know how to start the conversation. If you keep it short this first time and he is really interested in you, he will also be grateful that it is short.If you agree to meet for coffee then both you and he have a chance to think about what to say and talk about. Do not give him your life's history in one bite. Always keep something back during the early steps of getting to know him. Do not lie, but do not tell him everything either. You do need to find a way to ask him if he is involved with someone. This is tricky but important. You do not want to poach another person's man as that just isn't right but you don't want to tell him that you are thinking of him as possible boyfriend material either. Think about it. Don't practice in the mirror and don't ask this the first time you have coffee. Leave it till the second or third time and certainly you ought to know before you go out on an evening date.Look out for tell tale signs. This is not to be suspicious but to protect yourself. Does he have a mark where a wedding band would be? If so ask about it. If he has a car, does it look like a family car (maybe with signs of child passengers)? Is he old enough to have had a relationship? A smart alec answer is not a give away to a current relationship but will at least warn you about his view of romance.There are no easy answers. Do not try to rush things but do not be alone all the time. Do make sure that you go to places where you can mix with people. The more people that you talk to in social situations the easier it will be to talk to a guy that interests you. You just need practice.
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