A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I just found out that my boyfriend of 5 years cheated on me for two months. Sorry this is extremely long but we have an unusual background to our relationship. Let me start by saying that we don't have a typical young relationship, we met in a program for homeless teens and young adults (he was 22 and I was 16) and we took care of each other on the streets for two years before we worked and saved up enough money for an apartment. He would even voluntarily sleep outside with me because I was too young to be let into adult shelters, but was an emancepated minor so could not sleep in the teen shelters because of weird ridiculous laws. (And I'd like to point out that sleeping outside in Boston is FREEZING!) We do not have drug/alcohol, or mental problems like most of the city's homeless population... we just both come from extremely horrible family conditions. We have been living together in our apt for 3 years now. But after being in 'survival mode', and spending every minute together, its hard to adjust to both of us always working and going to college. I found out recently that he cheated on me for two months. Its completely surprising to me because he's never done anything close to this before. He's always very loving, and I did not even suspect anything was wrong until he told me that he cheated. He said that it was the biggest mistake of his life and it only lasted that long because she threatened to tell me if he stopped seeing her, and he was afraid to lose me. He finally broke it off last week and told me everything. He was even bawling like a baby when he told me, and I've never seen this man cry before. I am truly in love with him but I've never been in this situation before and truly don't have a clue what to do. I'm not stupid, I hear from other people about cheaters and how they act, but I really don't believe that he's playing me. Is he truly sorry? Should I forgive him? And if I do how can we get over this? Does the fact that he was the one who told me mean anything? Sorry it is so long. But please help me the best you can!
View related questions:
cheated on me, mental problems, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010): This is a hard one. He obviously cares very much for you and he told you he had an affair, he did not hide it from you. What you need to find out is why he had an affair and why for so long? The I'm afraid she tell excuse is a lie. If you do stay, you need to make it very clear that this is his last chance. You should even kick him out of the flat for a while to make that point clear. There is always a chance that he will cheat again as he has got that in himself but like I mentioned before you got to make it clear that you wouldn't ever forgive cheating again.
A
female
reader, Myrrh  +, writes (29 June 2010):
 Hello. Id give him another chance. Hes kept things together for you both for a long time...and in freezing conditions sometimes. Make this something you both overcome together as well. As C Grant points out, the fling could just be a reaction. Let him know how much hes hurt you, dont let him off too easily. But dont throw the baby out with the bath water...so to speak. Keep him but work on getting rid of what caused him to do it. All the best x
...............................
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (29 June 2010):
 He took you under his wing when he was 22, and it sounds like he's seen you safely through a potentially very dangerous time. That's a lot of responsibility. Could the fling be a reaction to too much responsibility and pressure?
Obviously you'll want to ask him why he cheated, and satisfy yourself that he's being completely candid. If his answer convinces you that he's genuinely regretful and that he won't do it again you might consider giving him a second chance. He did come clean. And he didn't abandon you on the street when you were 16. That's a lot more than most guys do.
...............................
A
female
reader, Liza999 +, writes (29 June 2010):
 It sounds like you two have been through alot together and that you truly love him and do not want to see this relationship end. It also sounds like he is truly sorry and sometimes people make mistakes, find themselves in situations that they need to experience in order to bring light to other areas. I am not advocating cheating but I am saying its okay for you to forgive him and it's okay for you to stay with him! Try and move forward perhaps this situation will tie you even closer. It will show him your capacity to love unconditionally and your belief in this connection! Keep your communication open, ask questions, share your feelings and hold onto the love you have (for now) sometimes it takes just that to heal two hearts! hugs and goodluck
...............................
|
