A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok so i really need help. Me and my boyfriend had been dating for about 10 months and he is about to leave for the marines. Well the weekend before he left, we were in a little argument over something he did but nothing huge. recently we didnt even say i love you or anything in our goodnight texts, just a simple goodnight. Well the saturday of that weekend, i spoke to his friend. His friend told me that the night before my boyfriend had apparenlty gotten drunk. have told my boyfriend before i hate him drinking and i dont want to do it, and i have already forgiven him THREE times in the past. I dont mind him drinking as long as he doesnt go overboard. But each time he did. So i asked my boyfriend about it the next day if he had drinken in the past month, and he straight out told me he hadnt. I kept asking, he kept denying. Until finally i told him i knew he fessed up he had started with his friends then apparenlty saw some party down the road and drank there. That part his friend had not told me. I can't believe he lied to me about this. He said he just didnt want me to be dissapointed and that he was stressed about us fighting and him leaving to marines. Well i forgave him but now like a month later its still all i think about . He is in boot camp now but i still cant believe he lied and who knows if he will ever stop. He says he loves me and im his life and whatever but do you really love someone when you lie like that? help please what should i do!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks again for answers- the thing is he is actually only about 18 so its not even legal. And also its not that i mind him drinking, really im just more angry he lied about it to me
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (21 June 2010):
You're making a big mistake, and it's the biggest mistake that a woman can make with a man. You're asking him to change. Lesson 1 with men, is that they won't change. Drinking is legal, and there is nothing wrong with it. There is also nothing wrong with getting drunk. Clearly if he's doing it day in, day out then there's something wrong. But it doesn't sound like he is. He is who he is, and he will drink again. He WILL. You can't stop it. If you can't handle it, then end it now. Likewise, if you really believe that because he lied about drinking might mean that he's lied about cheating, also end it. Sit down and think. He will drink again, and he will get drunk again. If you can't handle that, then end it.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (21 June 2010):
 Oh, and another thing - you used the word "faithful" in regards to ONLY drinking, which is how I know for a fact that you're worried about more than just drinking.
Has he cheated on you before?? If not, you need to seriously trust the guy.
If he has cheated on you (WITH ANOTHER WOMAN, not just drinking!), then break it off with him, because you'll drive both of you crazy.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (21 June 2010):
Drinking is legal. Unless he's strung out on a 3 day binge, if he's over 21, he can drink whenever he wants to. I could understand if he was smoking weed or going to strip clubs, but drinking is something this guy has every right to do.
If you want this guy, you have to accept that on occasion, he drinks. If that's not acceptable to you, it's not your place to make him not drink. You have to decide whether or not his drinking is an acceptable part of who you see yourself with.
I think it puts him through a lot when you're following him around asking his friends what he's up to. It's kinda controlling, and his lying is to keep you off of his back. Lying is not right, and I think he should instead stand up to you and tell you point blank, but he loves you and doesn't want to lose you.
Since it sounds like he's joining the army, drinking isn't affecting his job, or his social life, or wrecking his health. I'm thinking you're more worried about him seeing other girls while he's OUT drinking, right? You're thinking that if he lies about the drinking, he'll lie about other things.
Drinking and cheating do not have to go hand in hand. You have to do something that you're lacking in right now - you must TRUST him, or your relationship is doomed.
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A
male
reader, PM  +, writes (21 June 2010):
 When it comes to situations like these, I think the important question to ask is: is the change that you've asked him to make a BIG change or a SMALL change?
If it's a small change, like how he does his laundry, then it should be pretty simple to do. If it's a big change, like what his career should be, it tends to be a very difficult thing to do.
In this situation, I think the change you're asking of him, is more than just a small change. It sounds as though drinking may be his way of coping with stress. You're right to be worried because drinking isn't necessarily a great way to cope with stress but it can help. He may be lying to you about it because he doesn't have the heart to tell you that it's his only outlet at this point and taking it away might make things worse for him.
As for whether you should stay with him, I think that comes down to whether you still trust him enough to want to be with him. If you do, then stay. If not, then go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for your answers; the only thing is he knows I don't want him doing it but he just does it anyways. He would have nothing to lie about if he had just been faithful right? I mean the only way I even found out was through his friend. How do I know he has not cheated or lied about drinking before?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010): Okay I understand your problem and how you see it but it's not like he's addicted to drugs right? If that's the case then yeah it is a problem. But also your boyfriend is about to go to marine corps boot camp and my boyfriend wants to be a marine also in a few years and I dread him leaving me that long so just think about it and leave eachother on a good note so he's not feeling like you don't love him when he's gone and u don't either or both of u sit down and talk and figure out ur future befor eye leaves so you guys can either work the drinking problem out or go seperate ways. It's not like he's cheating on you...it's just a couple beers probally, lots of guys do it.
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A
female
reader, Tt-7 +, writes (21 June 2010):
 If you two love each other like you seem...If I were you I would move on who cares if he lied to you..He had to lie to not disapoint you....Can't you see he was only looking out for you..He didnt want to hurt your feelings.. To me thats a man that cares more about then himself...You need to get over it and understand on his part..How he was going to hurt you...He straight up told you your his everything..So if I were you don't hold on to it because its only going to cause more conflict in your realationship..I'm not jus saying all this shit jus to say on my part but I have been in a situation jus like yours..So let it go and b there for him because thats all he needs right now is your support and to b strong with him...With all he is going through...
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