A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I felt that my new relationship (4 months) was progressing great. I was taken aback by how it ended. Saturday night we had a nice romantic time together. Sunday we had what I consider being a small argument and she told me on the spot that that was it because we were not compatible. I tried to talk to her about it but she did not want to talk about it much. That was 2 weeks ago. I have only seen her once in the meantime when she dropped off some items of mine.I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and realize that I was in love with her. In hindsight I thought of some things I would have said differently or do differently which may have led to her thinking that we are not compatible. From my point of view we are compatible on the important things in life. I did see some differences in us but I thought we could negotiate and compromise.My head tells me to move on and learn from the experience. My heart tells me to write her a letter to try to prevent this great gal from disappearing from my life.Thoughts?
View related questions:
move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): I'm the one who submitted the question:
I want to thank everybody for your helpful and thoughtful comments. You all really helped me quite a bit.
I continue to agonize over what to do about this situation but I have decided to let her go. I'm basing it on a few points:
1) if at the first sign of conflict she is willing to drop me like a bad habit I wonder what could happen down the road when I am more invested in the relationship.
2) I really did not do anything wrong and if she is willing to ignore all my qualities and focus on this minor disagreement, then she is not the one for me.
3) If I write a letter and we end up getting back together I will always wonder if she is going to drop me again.
4) If she comes back to me on her own (which I don't think will happen) and we end up together that would be give me a little more peace of mind.
Thank you all!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): I'm sorry for what happend, breakups can be very hurtfull. You seem really a nice, loving guy and you deserve a second chance. I don't agree with what Danielepew says; I would say, follow your heart, write her a letter and let her know how you feel, before it's too late and you regret not trying to win her back. Good luck
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (2 June 2009):
 I think you should almost always follow your head. Because there is room to reason when it comes to love. It does not make sense to insist on maintaining a relationship where one of the parties doesn't want to. And it would hurt your heart a lot if you kept insisting that she come back.
I think that the argument you had and the things you may have said differently are not the real reason why she is dumping you. In my experience, these things don't happen out of the blue. Something was the matter way before you realized it was a matter. I am sure she gave a lot of cryptic signs, which, of course, were not meant to be easy to notice.
I am with fabulousone. Don't write that letter. She's been very clear by giving you your things back.
...............................
A
female
reader, fabulousone +, writes (2 June 2009):
Sounds like she needed an excuse to leave you.
I have put up with a lot of stuff from my boyfriend of 3.5 years.
We've had some small arguments/disagreements. We've had some large arguments/disagreements.
We even have the tendency to spoil surprises for eachother and sometimes we butt heads out of dominance.
Would I leave him? Never. He's a great guy.
Would he leave me? Not a chance. I'm a wonderful gal.
See.
We've had our share of 'small' and 'large' disagreements--but never once have I thought of leaving him over one of them.
This is because I love him--in addition to being *in love* with him.
You can't really change who you are and you shouldn't expect her to change who she is. Chances are, this kind of clashing is going to happen again. And then what?
No. As John Lennon--the greatest lover of all time--once said, "I'm in love for the first time. Don't you know it's gonna last? It's a love that lasts forever. It's a love that has no past."
He also said; "Let it be". Which double applies in this situation.
Move on, learn from this experience--that everyone has a soul mate and you have yet to find yours.
(Writing her a letter could end up catastrophically. Think; restraining order for harassment.)
...............................
A
female
reader, Jesshton +, writes (2 June 2009):
 I could not agree more...follow your heart. Women analyze a relationship while it is happening...men (not all, but some)wait until it is over to figure out what the problem is.
It sounds to me like maybe she just didn't know where she stood with you. If you had not already had converstaions as to how the relationship was progressing she may have felt that you were not that committed so she needed to move on.
My advice...if you really love her..write the letter. Tell her how you feel and what you have thought about during your split. Then give her a few days and call. If you are unable to resolve the situation, then you know to follow your head and move on.
Hope this helps!! Good luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): I find there is rarely ever any regret when you follow your heart and as a rule of thumb try to choose my heart over my head.
My now wife and I had a similiar falling out in the early stages of our relationship. We had a lot of "small" arguments which eventually led me to believe that our relationship would never work. The thing that helped me the most was advice given by my mom. She said, "Your Dad and I would always fight and still do. We had both been divorced and I didn't want to go through that again. If you are committed to staying together and divorce (or break-up) is not an option than the only choice you have is to work it out."
Sometimes there will be compromise, sometimes one person will concede. What really matters in the end is that you love each other despite incompatibilities and differances.
Follow your heart.
...............................
|
