A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married 15 months - I am attractive and have a very healthy sexual appetite. I am attracted to my husband but he just isnt interested.Its devastating as I am 30 and just feel sex is so important to a relationship and is making me feel v distant to him and making me so sad. He doesnt talk to me, we dont eat together- he is constantly moody with me - for no apparent reason. I dont really know what to do - part of me thinks - so i stay with this Frigid husband of mine or do i take advantage of my youth and life and find a man i really am compatible with ie - sex and communication?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2007): Bull, I agree with all of the other replies, except after you have tried all of this & you are still not getting a response then it has to be him. I am in a very similar situation and I have no idea what to do. I have been married for 2 yrs and it hasn't got any better. I am 33 and feel the same way. Good Luck & If you figure it out let us know.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2007): please give him time and try to find out things about him from his close friends in a smart way.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (17 July 2007):
 There must be a reason for this. You need to communicate and even get counseling if necessary. I understand your frustration but try to sort this out.
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A
male
reader, leonard j.Douglas  +, writes (17 July 2007):
All relationships are like a book, and unless you open that book you don't really know what you'll find. The cover of your book says ME!, ME!,ME!, But not enough to say what's going on in the WE!, WE!, WE! areas of your marital book. You should really be asking your Husband what's going on, but I can plainly see that neither of you have much going in the area of your Not-Togetherness-Relationship. Do think that both of you should sit down and have a heart to heart talk. But Please no Blame-Game, of who's right or wrong. You two need to work it out,no one else can do that for you. I do wonder about your mutual commitment to each other. Kind of get the feeling that there isn't very much of that going on in either of your lives at this point in the marriage. Is it worth saving only you two can decide on that, no one else. Please, Do try, Okay.
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A
female
reader, LauraE +, writes (17 July 2007):
I assume that there is more to your marriage than this? If so, don’t just give up after 15 months. You need to find out what is at the bottom of this problem before walking out. Maybe he is naturally a bit shy, and you overwhelmed him at first, and it got worse and worse, and he can’t face trying any more. Maybe it isn’t a sexual thing at all. Maybe he has a serious problem that he is afraid to share with you. He may be unhappy and worried about something at work, or in his family. Tell him that the situation between you is making you very unhappy, and that you need to sort it out between you. Don’t keep pressuring him for sex just at the moment, try to work on what is going on. Tell him that your marriage should be about honesty and sharing problems, not bottling them up. Be prepared to hear a whole lot of stuff that may be difficult t listen to. Just listen, don’t leap to judge or criticise. Where you go from there depends on what you find out when you get him to talk to you.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (17 July 2007):
 Hey there,Im sorry your going through all this with your husband. I think the best way to tackle it is to keep calm, evaluate your own behaviour towards your husband (are you argumentative or overly critical of him are you demanding or cold to him if you dont get what you want) Look at yourself first and get your behaviour in check. Then look at him and ask yourself. Is he under strain at work? (most men see their job as being the pivot that supports everything (even if you work also) and they feel massive responsibility if things arnt going ok, so see if you can establish if there is a problem that may be having a knock on effect to your relationship). Try to be supportive and give him space, just let him know you are there to talk to him when he feels like it (men tend to brood in silence until they find a solution to their problem...let him brood in peace until he is ready to talk). You could try voicing your concerns in a letter to him, be calm and direct, state why you are concerned and reiterate that you seek a solution with him and not having the chance to help him is making you sad. State also that you miss the physical side of things. A letter is a good way to bring all your worris to the table without an argument starting, give him time to digest it and come back at you with answers.If at anytime you suspect he may be involved with someone else, you will have to do your homework and wait for the hard evidence to show up, but dont go accusing without firm confirmation that something is going on.I am assuming when you met your husband, that he wasnt frigid then?, so its hard to imagine that he has become so since (although always a slim chance). It sounds like he just has things on his mind. Try to gently find out what his problem is and state that you will support him through it for the sake of your marriage. Don't go running off to the arms of another man just yet, as you may be ruining a very genuine and loving relationship, thats just going through a sticky patch. If nothing is resolved after a few months, then maybe some time apart will shake him out of his mood. You have to look inside your own heart and decide if you really love him and want to save things, then do your best and be patient. If you have given it your best shot and still nothing is resolved, then it may be time to call it a day!!!Hope this helpedAunty Em
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