A
female
age
30-35,
*nataliebeebaybee1
writes:I seem to worry about everything that would make my boyfriend angry, you could say im walking on egg shells. Tonight we finished , i made the decision, im not sure whether it was the right thing but soo after id text my ex just to literally see how he was, then he start saying he was horny etc and i knew it was the wrong thing so i just text hin saying i just wanted to see how you were gunna leave it at that now. but i promised my boyfriend i wouldnt make any mistakes. Should i feel guilty for texting my ex or should i just forget it as i wasnt with my boyfriend. Its just a know me and my boyfriend are only going to end up getting back together. whats your views ?
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (20 January 2011):
Hi. I think you have hit the nail right on the head yourself, right here.
You said you are so confused about it.
It's possible that you are not sure who it is you really want.
This is the decision you have to make. And it's going to take some time - a few weeks at the very least.
You will have to compare in your mind, the qualities of the new boyfriend and your ex. You have to do this when you are alone, and it might help to write it down in 2 columns. The good qualities and the bad - for both. One column for the ex, and the 2nd column for the new boyfriend.
As you go through your list and consider all the qualities of each, point out which are the most important qualities to you and which are the negative qualities, and have a good think about them and how easy they are to tolerate. If some of the bad qualities are serious to you, then work out if you can live with them or not - and go from there.
Then the looks have to come into it as well. Although they are only superficial. It's the personality and character traits that are what's really important.
I really think that you are simply not sure who you want.
You are sitting on the fence.
Sometimes, it's easier to work this out when you are not with either of them. When you are alone at home, and you therefore have time to think about one and about the other one. What you like and dislike about each.
This is something you are going to have to do, sooner rather than later. The longer you leave it, the more confused you might become. It's a thing you have to think about every single day.
If you don't try and sort this out soon, you might just end up hurting both - then you will have no-one!
Just take your time and don't mention what you are doing to either of them, just keep that part to yourself.
It's an important process, just the same.
You have to decide whether you are exclusive with the new guy, or whether you are going to keep on dating. Have you discussed that yet?
If you don't want to get too serious with the new boyfriend, you need to mention it and be honest. Then you might need to see your old ex again to see how you feel now, now that it's over with him.
In any case, you have to do some serious thinking now.
A
female
reader, _nataliebeebaybee1 +, writes (19 January 2011):
_nataliebeebaybee1 is verified as being by the original poster of the question but i actually text my ex which was a previous ex before i met my boyfriend. Im back with my boyfriend now and i text my old ex daniel. I dont know why i did it when me and my boyfriend split up im just so confused and i know my boyfriend wouldnt be happy x
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (18 January 2011):
Hi there. Perhaps you worry about what the future holds, things like that.
A lot of women do, wondering where the relationship is going. If it has a future (long term).
The problem with that is, when you are asking guys things about anything that is relationship related, it can make a woman appear needy and desperate. It can actually push a man right away, to a place where he withdraws altogether.
You obviously don't want that.
Things need to develop as they are meant to develop over time. Two people need to get to know each other thoroughly before they even consider whether they want to spend the rest of their lives together. That type of knowing, takes some time. Several months - or sometimes less than that, and sometimes more.
As you haven't said exactly what it is you pester him about that makes him angry, I am only guessing that it might be something to do with the relationship and some questions you have about it. It's a natural thing to feel - especially for women.
Each time you ask him something he's not ready to answer yet, he then gets angry. So then you think you will get back at him by ending it, hoping he will then say - "Ok, I want to get serious and I am thinking about marriage (the future)." But he doesn't say this, so everything stays the same - till the next time.
My real advice here is to give him some space - which means:
- no texting him
- no calling him on the telephone
- no emailing or chatting with him online either.
Give him space for at least a week or two, even a month or two. Space does mean space - no contact at all!! You must then wait for him to call you. You do have to wait - it's important.
When you make a choice to end it with him, you don't stick by your decision, because you are texting him to see what his reaction was. All he said this last time was that he was feeling horny. So consequently, he didn't take your "goodbye" too seriously, did he now?
The reason for that is because it's probably happened on a regular basis. He has already figured out what your next move will be.
History usually predicts the future.
He knows from history, that 5 minutes after you say one of your "goodbyes", that you will text him soon after to see what affect it had on him. So he really doesn't take you too seriously. In fact, he's probably taking the whole thing for granted.
So it's not working, is it?
You are hoping that he will come back begging to you, asking for forgiveness and to take him back again. But he doesn't get the chance to do that, because you save him the trouble! You make it so easy for him. He can read you like a book. You are completely predictable!
He will just take you for granted, because he knows what will happen every single time.
The reason you probably do end it with him continually, is probably because you just don't know where you stand with him. Men just don't talk about those things. They usually keep all the very serious thoughts and feelings like that to themselves. At least until they are completely sure of how they do feel. It could take months or years even.
But one thing is for sure, they know sooner rather than later if someone is NOT right for them.
This hasn't happened yet, so you are in with a chance. So he obviously likes you a fair bit and would like to continue seeing you. Don't spoil the chance you have, because you might not get another.
You don't say how long you have been together as a couple, so I am assuming it's perhaps only a fairly new relationship. In any case, you don't appear to be feeling very secure about the relationship, just by the fact that it's on again - then off again.
You can't force a man to move forward too quickly, because the more you try to force it, the more they will retreat away from you. Until they reach a point where they exit altogether. Then it could be too late.
It's not really necessary to know whether a relationship will eventuate into marriage, a mortgage and kids. It's far more important to think about how you generally get along together. How he generally speaks to you, how he treats you etc. If he takes you to nice places and spends money on you.
It's not a FWB (Friends With Benefits) relationship is it?
If it isn't, then I believe the real problem you have is you want to get serious - but he doesn't. That's what is causing most of your problems.
Try not to think beyond the present moment when you are together, and just enjoy every moment and make it as fun and interesting as it can be.
These are the things that will keep him wanting to be with you - and stay with you. It will make nice memories for him - which is much nicer than you trying to force him to make a decision about your future, don't you think?
After the break of not speaking to him, when he does call you again, whatever you do DON'T talk about your needs in the relationship or where is it going. Keep your mind off those kinds of thoughts completely. Just don't go there.
Best wishes and take care.
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