A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am very happy and have a boyfriend who I'm engaged to we are very happy together although lately he has been spending longer and longer at work, he also has sone very suspicious texts on hid phone and flirty messages such as 'I'll splash you' I have thought about leaving him but it is harder than it sounds, a due days ago I came home from shopping and found some opaque tights in the bed and asked him who's they where, he then laughed and said that he docent wear tights he also gas a drinking problem and I really need help on what to do ;Thanks xx
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): It is common for men to cheat when their wife is pregnant and few months after the baby is born.
The point is are you ready to forgive him if he cheat?? Does he loves you?? Does he tried to treat you well after that?? Do you give much attention to your kid?? Do you gain more weight? Do you dress and keep yourself clean as before??
I too have cheated over my wife while she was pregnant. I didn't tell her. But she knew something is wrong. I really regret. I did it just wanting sex as she was not interested. I didn't do it again. i really love her. Now I'm more available for her than before. But the guilty concious is killing me inside. We are so happy now. We enjoy every moment. I have tested for STD before i do sex with her. that was the most I could do. Protecting her!!
try to pass this time with love and forgivness. There is cheating in many sucessful marriages most uncatched by the other. If he really loves you and trying to commit himself try to forgive him. He might not do it intentionally out of love for the other woman. May be just a physical thing.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): I think you already know the answer, but ask him point blank, "Are you seeing someone else?"
The way he answers will pretty much tell you.
You need to leave him for a lot of reasons: addiction, lack of trust, and the potential to expose yourself to STDs. If he's lying to you about cheating, what's to keep him from lying about what precautions he takes druing sex?
You said it's hard, but it's equally exhausting playing a charade with someone who has no intention of respecting you. Don't avoid the inevitable just because it's more comfortable.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): Were you the one insisting on marriage or did he propose on his accord and idea? Its more common than you may know that a boyfriend will agree to get married as a way to get pressure off his back and bide more time because he likes what the woman has to offer him but doesn't intend to marry her. Some women make it permissible for boyfriends to do this because they blindly accept his word when they shouldn't about marriage in the future and accept less than PROOF he means what he says..engagement ring, deposit on the place, announcement of wedding date...so I agree he is a cheater and if he'll lie about other women he'll lie about wanting to marry you. You mentioned drinking problems too so he is telling you in many ways he doesn't want to be husband.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 January 2011):
 He's showing signs he's not ready to settle down. He's showing you disrespect by dismissing what worries you. Consider yourself lucky you see his true self before getting married. I would never involve myself with a drunk, and a cheater who denies. It's hard to leave when he doesn't allow a serious discussion. For me it's not necessary. I don't care who that woman is. I don't care if he has a cross dressing fetish. Return his gesture by remaining silent yourself and if he proposes one day after you separate for a while, tell him, "Are you frigging serious?" Then never talk to him again.
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