A
female
age
36-40,
*onfussedh3art
writes:Ok, i have a BF and we've been together for a year and a half. He is about 8 years older that i am, im 21. Do the math. Our relationship is good and strong. The only thing that is kinda bad is our sex life. There isn't 1.. 1 night a friend of mines went to a bar to relax after work. A bouncer very cute and attractive starts talking to me. After a few hours of drinking i decided to give him my number. He ends up calling me and we talk for a few hours. We ended up meeting each other the next day. I know it's bad bcuz i have a BF. So, this guy I'm sexually attracted to and I'm not sexually attracted to my current BF. But the bouncer guy doesn't want a serious relationship all he wants is to "Play". Which I'm fine with but i know myself. I'm going to end up wanting a relationship if him and I get sexual. I dont know what to do. Should i leave my current BF and explore life? Or should i just stop what I'm doing and stay with my BF?
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female
reader, Kassi (Nova)  +, writes (11 February 2010):
 To be honest, I think you have incredible instincts and you just need someone to tell you it's okay to trust them. I'm 24, and after my last relationship, I realized that I had no idea who I was on my own. That's never a good place to be and would have been a huge source of conflict later in my life and future relationships.
I'm not saying that you should pursue the guy you're sexually attracted to either- as you're so aware of how you'll feel about it. Embrace being on your own for awhile- absolutely! It's amazing how easy it is to find someone who is right for you when you have the experience, the break and the clarity to know what you're really looking for and what you really want.
It worked for me. A few years down the road and I'm married to an incredible guy who embraces my independece, and I couldn't be happier.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2010): Great advice from Miamine. I agree you appear to consider yourself nothing without a guy going on. I mean... do you have to select either of them? Personally I think neither of them sound like they're much good. Definitely don't stay with someone you are not attracted to. Why do you want to feel used by a man instead? You know in advance you will be hurt - is that what you want? Take a step back. You are young and I think, with respect, you need to grow up in your own way as a woman and enjoy it. Once you know yourself a bit better, gain confidence and stability then you will be able to make better, mentally healthier choices.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2010): You should clearly communicate your entire position to your boyfriend and then you both agree what to do with the relationship.
Sexual attraction is not everything, and in true love, it's never the first thing.
You sound like you truly want and need to "explore" so if that requires dating different people over a sustained period of time, this is an item you and your b/f need to come to terms on so everyone has an equal playing field.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (11 February 2010):
 Miamine gave excellent advice. You're young sweetie..why would you stay with a man that you aren't attracted to? You will only be frustrated more and more as you get older, and more than likely eventually will cheat. If you know you don't want one night stands, then don't go with guys who do. Its as simple as that. You have plenty of time to find a nice guy that you're attracted to AND who will want a relationship. Don't tie yourself down to a man who doesn't make you see stars.
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (11 February 2010):
 1. Your with a guy who doesn't turn you on and your having no sex. Stay with him, and you'll be frustrated.
2. You meet a guy who turns you on, he wants to have sex, but doesn't want a relationship. Sleep with him, and all you'll have is sex. You'll want more, but he can't give it to you, he only wants to sleep with you. You'll end up feeling cheap and used.
3. Leave your boyfriend, leave the bouncer alone. Try to stand on your own two feet without a man hanging arround. When you are single, you'll free to meet someone who is both sexy and appealing and also interested in a relationhip with you.
Why can't you live without a man? Why would you choose to either be ignored or used?
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