A
female
age
41-50,
*handigirl2010
writes:I recently just got a divorce, have 3 children, and just found out that my ex is dating a supposed friend of mine. How do I deal with this? Just a few weeks ago we were in a relationship again, and with no notice he's sleeping with her!! I feel like I'm losing my mind!!!
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (11 February 2010):
First of all, be sure you do not go back to this ex, because it's clear that he's just using you. You are divorced, end all contact there other than for the children.
Secondly, this is now your moment to start living again. You need to know whether this friend is seeing your ex or not. If she is, then you can cut her out of your life too and get rid of two worthless people in your life. You don't need to deal with it, because you can get rid of them both and move on. Focus on your own life now, on your children and living for yourself.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2010): Do you mean that after the divorce you were back together again a few weeks ago? And then he turned around and had sex with your friend?
If so, while this can be annoying, you are not alone; a lot of couples bounce into familiar territory following a divorce even if it is a friend of the ex.
All three parties have no commitment or obligation, unless someone made promises or established post-divorce rules of operation. If there is no agreement between anyone about conduct, all is fair.
Perhaps you can take a quiet moment and come to terms with the things that are your job to control, and the things you must choose to not try to control. You may surprise yourself to find that your job list, the things that you should put energy into, is rather light and easy, such as love the kids, think only of your health and theirs, etc.
Especially now you're divorced; there's a massive list of things that should transfer from what you should worry about right on over to the "worthless" column, such as a friend and your ex together. Probably an ex friend too, and hey! There's another item to take off your to do list.
If you think about it, closed doors like these are good things; they reduce what you have to do! Why don't you let yourself be a little ticked off, wipe the tears, and be glad you are re-structuring your pool of friends because you are standing before a vast opportunity to define whom your friends really are.
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