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female
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anonymous
writes: I was raped at the age of 14, my husband knows about this, and is very supportive of it, should i tell my children, when they are old enough? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2006): In short, children should never have to deal with adult problems...and being raped is something that is so adult, or in other words requires great maturity and emotional strength to overcome that I think you should absolutely not share this with them. Not because you should be ashamed of who you are, as the rape is part of who you are, and you need to love yourself for having overcome it and not letting it damage you emotionally...just look what you have accomplished in spite of it raising young children! Just do the wise parent thing and advise them how to stay safe, and if any one of them should ever experience rape themselves, then you might share your experience and how to overcome it but otherwise what purpose could it possible serve them to share this with them when they are too young to handle it, and have never even had sex or fallen in love...Rape is an act of violence against women, and is not about sex, but children can not or should not have to comprehend this happening to their mother who is in charge of their care...I think it would wound them emotionally ane would really confuse them on so many levels...don't do it.
A
male
reader, childof1981  +, writes (20 October 2006):
 I think you should keep this one to yourself. You can provide information about rape and sexual abuse to your children without adding the personal element into it. They will probably lack the emotional context to deal with that knowledge in a constructive way, so I don't think it will help them. The only instance I would reveal this information is if you are helping one of your children cope with being a victim of rape or sexual abuse.
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female
reader, Ne'cee +, writes (20 October 2006):
 When I was 12 I was raped as a teen and so was my mother. I wish I would have know before hand to know what to look for. You should tell them, you'll feel better if they know. Good luck.
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (20 October 2006):
 Unless you can put it in the right context AND they can fully understand the difference between a good touch and a bad touch (are very mature) I would suggest to be careful.
I am a man, and when I was very young my mother would tell me about times that older men tried to touch her, and get close to her when she was a little girl. I was TOO young when she shared this, as I was still trying to form my own sexual identity. It gave me a freakin complex about sex.
I grew up so afriad of being one of "those" men, that I become too fearful of sex and even approaching women. I was too afraid of being perceived of being "those" men that I could not even approach a girl in a bar and say, "Hi my name is Frank, and I would like to get to know you."...very harmless action, but the lessons of fear and disgust were always with me.
It took me years to undo that damage, and get to the emotional space I am now. I have balence now after years of working on myself, but I still struggle with guilt issues.
Keep this in mind before sharing your information.
-Frank B Kermit
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reader, Scouzer  +, writes (20 October 2006):
Why would your children need to know? It's not really going to affect them. If you mean tell them so they can learn from your experiences then I think you should but otherwise they don't really need to know.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2006): Very, very good advice, Camille. Question asker, Camille brings up a very good point. You do in fact, have to protect your children by keeping them informed of unsafe situations that they may face, in their future. As a strong parent, one has to use great discretion, maturity and love when offering direction. One does not want to terrify them. Stick to your goal of guiding them and providing a safe haven for them. I still don't think, your own individual experience will help them cope. It will in fact likely disturb them deeply. Keep this one to yourself. Good luck to you, dear and stay strong.
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female
reader, camille +, writes (20 October 2006):
 In a world where children are taken from their own bathrooms and raped, it's a subject that perhaps people should talk about sensitively with their children. However, I don't see what they will gain from knowing about your experience.
Heaven forbid anything terrible happen to your children, but save for that, I wouldn't share that most intimate, terrifying experience unless absolutely necessary. I am sorry about what you had to suffer, but it's great that you have the support of your husband.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2006): Dear I am so sorry you went through this as a teen. I understand you dilemma but in my opinion..no, you do not tell your kids you were raped as a teen. Hun, please think about this. What purpose would that serve to letting them know about this? How would knowing this information help them cope, help become happier people, in their own lives? As much as I feel pain for what you endured, the only people that need to know about this now, is your husband, the family members who helped you through this at the time it occurred and possibly a counselor, whom I hope you have gotten some support from. This is a big load to carry. And your most loving goal as a parent is never to dump your past 'trauma' on your kids (no matter their age). They will never forget it, it will cause them deep pain and they will carry this load for you. They would be very traumatized knowing this happened to the most loving person in their life...their Mom. This is one bit of information they need not know. Let them continue on with their lives, in a happy, healthy way.
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