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female
,
anonymous
writes: me and my bf are together for almost a year. he's perfect and very handsome but ever since we gone to the uni he's been talking to beautiful girls. (there are a lot of pretty girls in our uni) there are a lot of girls that flirt him talking to him unecessarily, asking him to teach them math etc. one day i thought he was talking to this girl and he said "no i was talking to the guy she's with, cant you see she's ugly so i hope you wouldn't doubt me".the thing is he has this habit of talking more to beautiful girls and less to the ugly ones.this has bothered me because im his gf and i believe he should treat all other girls equally, that none of them should get special attention cos he's mine.im also afraid he might be attracted to the pretty ones thats why he gives them more attention, rather than talking to both the pretty and not so pretty girls. do i have a point?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2006): Hi you are right what hes doing is shallow but most guys are! I agree with Dr Phych too you cant stop him talking to anyone cant you see its your reaction he wants to get when hes talking to these attractive women though its the power thing,
so in my opinan if you want to make a girl who is a 10 in the looks scale look like a 12 simple act theatended by her but if you pretended not to notice her hed see the beauty in you and suddenly she would not look so good she only has as much power as you can give her! and by telling him not to talk to these girls your making them seam like the forbidden fruit so he will want it all the more!
The more secure you are in yourself the more he will want to be with you so just try to be secure in the relationship but the important one be secure yourself focus in on your dreams and wants and dont focus on who he talks to, Good Luck with this hope Ive helped :)
A
female
reader, Clarey  +, writes (20 October 2006):
 You sound secure in your relationship with your boyfriend which is why you can cope with other girls flirting. You trust him.
What you are doing is not related to that, I suspect. It looks as though you are judging his sense of morals and perspective on life. This is a really good thing to do if you are thinking of being life partners. He may be good looking and perfect (although you have not said how) but you are digging deeper into his psyche to find out whether the way he thinks is compatible with the way you do.
I agree with you, it is not a kind thing to imply that someone who does not meet aesthetic expectations is not worth speaking to. I too would be alarmed. You could ask yourself questions such as:
How would he behave if he met a disabled person, or an old person, or how would he be with children if you had them? How would he be if you lost your figure for a while after having babies? Is he shallow or deep? Is the most imporant thing appearances when he meets people? Is he materialistic; would he bother getting to know someone poor? Being disturbed by that moment may show that you are instinctively not comfortable about something, or are checking it out. Think of situations in the future and see how you think he will be.
You will notice if this was just a mistake or a more regular behaviour as time goes on so just relax and see.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (20 October 2006):
 I think you shouldn't be so worried - he is going out with you at the end of the day. You cannot stop him talking to pretty girls, ugly girls...whoever he likes. If you are feeling insecure about your relationship more generally then try to talk to him about it. I would also say don't get too attached to his looks - it is nice to be attracted to someone physically but there has to be rather more to it than just looks. Just because you find him handsome not all girls will fancy him, and you pair should be dating because you are great friends as much as anything else. I think the fact that he talks to girls based on their attractiveness maybe a personality flaw on his part...but then he is probably young and still growing up!
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