A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I find myself in a hopeless situation . I came out of a divorce six months ago lacking self confidence. My ex left me for a girl ten years ago . I then embarked on a close friendship with a male friend who was a shoulder to cry on . He is married and slowly we began to feel an attraction emotionally . We have not yet had sex , because of guilt from both of us . I adore this man , but he is older than me , married and his children are at university . what should I do? He says he is shocked at his feelings and I have become the biggest part of his life . I feel I am in a mess ....
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affair, confidence, divorce, my ex, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Yawzah  +, writes (3 October 2009):
That's how affairs start...a shoulder to cry on, a postive person to vent to... since you are aware of things PLEASE don't go any further, you may destroy others.
Take care of YOU, once you do that the rest falls into place.
A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (3 October 2009):
I wud strongly suggest u end it before it goes too far. just do the right thing. we all make promises to others and whoever he is with dsnt deserve to be the victim. work on ur self worth and get out there and meet sum1
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (3 October 2009):
 It's awesome that you've recognized the situation for what it is and have not acted on impulse yet. That's a lot more than what people usually do and I give you credit.That being said, you have to look at this as a question of the future. I hardly hear of instances where men leave their wives for the 'other woman'. Ever. I don't think he would actually leave his wife and kids for you, because let's face it, he has a family to raise. So the only other option is for you two to continue this affair, which will most likely turn sexual. I highly suggest NOT taking this road. It will be full of heartbreak and regret in the end, because all you will have is rejection and possibly a broken home in the wake. So what do you do? You tell him honestly that you can't do this anymore. It isn't fair to either of you to keep wondering 'what if' and it definitely isn't fair to his family. I'm telling you right now to pull out while there is no consequences and guilt. Believe it or not, you are perfectly capable of finding someone who is single and looking for someone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2009): Please don't do it. You are exactly the same age as my husband's emotional affair last year and he is now late 50s. I have been completely destroyed since I discovered it and she haunts my every waking moment. I will be surprised if it doesn't cause our break up. But is that what you perhaps secretly want???
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (2 October 2009):
I wud strongly suggest u end it before it goes too far. just do the right thing. we all make promises to others and whoever he is with dsnt deserve to be the victim. work on ur self worth and get out there and meet sum1
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (2 October 2009):
To be sure that he really means all that he says, he must leave his wife first. Don't do anything until he makes that step. However, by the sound of it, you are bth unhappy, and that isn't a good start to a relationship of any kind. It may not be love that draws you together, but lonliness and unhappiness. Personally, I would end it. But like I said, if he leaves his wife for you, then that's a giant step.
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