A
male
age
41-50,
*oneball
writes:My girlfriend and I had our first big fight last Friday, now I feel as though there's no comming back. Here's the situation; we've been dating for about 18 months and living together just over a year. She's currently 30 weeks pregnant and until recently all seemed well. I've been noticing serious changes in our sex life (more than normal pregnancy lows), as well as her attitude; she doesn't seem to love me quite as enthusiastically as before. This has led to me feeling unappreciated and rather bitter. All of these feelings exploded friday night in a huge fight the resulted in her telling me she doesn't have the same feelings anymore and that she loves me, but she's not IN love with me. She gave me until our baby is born to figure things out.It's been a week now and things haven't gotten any worse, but they haven't gotten better either. We're still sleeping in the same bed and having good dinner discussions. I've realized where I need to change; start romancing her more and stop taking the things she does for me for granted, start acting on the little impulses to show her how much she means to me and stop ignoring her hints. I've told her this, and started making an honest effort everyday to make things right. And although we can still talk like normal, she's telling me I'm doing too much too soon. I can barely touch her without getting a negative reaction.I'm 28 years old with a plethora of relationships ranging from weekend romances to a disaster of a marriage, none of which has ended very well. I guess what I'm asking advice on is if she's as willing to make it work as I am? Or am I too late finding myself and what I need to do? Should I give her more space and time to figure things out? Or should I bow out gracefully?
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female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (3 October 2009):
 Women are pretty difficult to figure out. Understand she is pregnant. She's probably really stressed out right now and has a lot on her mind. Relationships naturally lose their steam and gain it back through time, so this might be one of your two's slower times. Maybe what she said to you was something she said through this stress? Maybe she doesn't feel like the affection is given to her in return anymore? Anyway. With women and their moods, it's a lose-lose situation for men. We want you to care, but we don't want you to feel like you HAVE to care. We want you to want to care. If that makes any sense at all. By you coming on too strong (or being 'too nice'), she feels that you are just forcing everything just for her sake. That's not what she wants. She wants to feel like you want to be there and romance her. Tnega said that you try small steps. I totally agree. Think way back to the beginning of the relationship and of things that you used to do for her. Little texts throughout the day and messages about how much you miss her. Heck, I am in a relationship right now where my guy is really caring, but I miss those little things that were there in the beginning, even though we have so much more to show later in our relationship. I would actually give it until the baby is born to put in your best effort. I wouldn't come on too strong, but give little sappy reminders on how you miss her and stuff like that. Touches can be caring without being too strong too. You know the game! If she still feels the same way as she did in that heated argument by the end of the pregnancy, then there is nothing you two can do but discuss how things are going to happen. Until then, why not try?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2009): she is 30 wks pregnant...hormones are rampantly playing up.
three times i was pregnant and each time i believed that i did not love my husband anymore, i accused him of being selfish, not loving me (and believed those things myself too) but after the babys were born and i settled down i could see how i was and non of it made sense to me.
alsort are happening inside, please have patience and ride it through.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (2 October 2009):
No, don't bow out yet. You're making an effort and she's seen it, which is great. She has said that you're doing too much too soon, and it might worry her that you're only doing it because you have to, rather than because you want to. Just be there for her, take care for her and above all, listen to her. It might be a good idea to sit down and talk to her about how she feels. She may hae a lot of things to say, so sit there and listen to her.
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