A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am female and I have a long story for you guys. I go to college up in Michigan, I'm 18 and my boyfriend of three years lives in Toledo. I hate being far away from him and I hate being and doing things by myself. At the beganing, I went to college up here because everybody tells you to go to college and because my family was pressuring me to come up here, so I just came to get away from them. Being up here in a small town sucks so I miss home and having all I had there and I'm a freshman and i know everybody tells you that your going to adjust and its going to get better but I dont like it up here and I'm just not happy and all my friends/life is back home. I dont even know what direction I want to go in and I'm sick of living my life for all my family members and not for me about what makes me happy even if I have to struggle. I want to finish out this year and move in with my boyfriend back home and work for two years then go to the college up there which is what I wanted to do in the first place. I just feel like I want a break and be happy in my life and work to earn my own way even if it's hard. The problem is that my family will kill me especially my mom because she thinks that I just need time to adjust and that I'll end up loving it but she doesn't understand my feelings or pain at all and she has always hated my boyfriend and she told me that she would fight me on it because she would not have me to drop school for him. My mom told me that I have to give it two years before I can come back which means I would already be coming back as a senior so it would be stupid for me to come back home so to me her request is unfair and she just thinks I'm coming back just for him which is not true. I don't want to stay here that long here and suffer. Me and her have never gotten along especially when it comes to school and him. It's not just the typical mother-daughter arguments, my mom can be very emotionally abusive to me as well. I have not taken out any loans so taking two years off from college is not going to kill me and my own opinion is that not having a college degree doesn't mean that one can not be successful in their own way. So my question is I take two years off from college since i'm not happy and move in with my boyfriend where I'm happy or suck it up and stick it out here. I know a lot of you are going to say for me to put school before boys but I'm sick of putting my happiness after everyone else's and not giving my heart a chance by taking a risk and making others happy. My boyfriend and i really love each other and I feel like that gets overlooked just because I'm 18 even though I'm by law considered a adult. So before you answer honestly, really try to think about my feelings here too. Thanks.
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (29 November 2010):
 If ANYTHING at least transfer to a university there. Immediately. Don't wait. Don't take this two years. As someone who jumped around from college to college in favor of adventuring and falling in love, it is really obnoxious in the long run. I'm 24 and am finishing up my bachelors (one more year to go!), but all of my friends from high school are starting to finish up their graduate degrees. It's a bummer! And I hate being so much older than everyone else in my classes. It has taken a lot of willpower to keep trucking through, and I'm not sure everyone has the determination to do so. It is really easy to settle into life with someone else taking care of you, while you forever work at the GAP (if that!). Like Cerberus says, SO much can happen in two years. It's easy to say you'll go now, but two years from now you have no idea what life will look like.
College gets better, you are getting older and your thinking will start to grow too. Think about yourself, your future and your security. Don't bank on anybody else giving that to you - only YOU can ensure that you can count on yourself when the chips are down. If this guy is wonderful, and devoted to being with you, then the distance can be workable. I'm married to a Marine, and being apart is a test that is difficult but doable. It strengthens your relationship if you are really meant to be together. The hardest thing I ever had to do was break up with a fantastic guy when we went off to college. We did the right thing, even though we wanted to get married and all that stuff... life changed and ultimately we made other people happier (and still maintained a great friendship with each other).
I really encourage you to STAY IN SCHOOL. I've been there! If Present Me could give advice to Past Me, I'd yell "just finish your degree for the love of God." Then it will be over with and you will always have it with you. Good luck, sweet!
A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (29 November 2010):
 Keep this in mind, hon: NO one can take the security of an education away from you and yet, romantic relationships can fail for many reasons. Give school a better chance. Join a few clubs to meet people, take up an activity you really enjoy and you'll see how your viewpont can change when you have something to look forward to and love. Your bf can visit you, no? If you take two years off, you will regret it. I skipped one semester and now, regret it immensely because I missed out and it took me longer than others to adjust. In two years, too much can and will change. Our economy's failing. Who knows what it will be like in 2yrs? Maybe grants won't be offered as much, scholarship values can decrease, and God forbid you get pregnant-it won't be easy juggling school and a child. Believe me, I know how you feel. I seriously thought about taking a year off, working with a bf, and then, going to school in his city, forsaking a scholarship. But, I couldn't do it. He broke it off. Really think this through, hon.
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A
female
reader, Tine  +, writes (29 November 2010):
 i'm going to draw on my own experiences here and tell you not to do it, well for now anyway. I dropped out of college to move in with my boyfriend of 4 years, left everything i was working towards because i was unhappy in my situation and thought that i would be better off, moving into a house with him and working for a living because i was unhappy on my course. Well 5 months down the line i got laid off from my job, we fought so much that it broke up our relationship and he moved out of my house, leaving my own my own with all the bills and no education.That was just me and i'm sure you relationship is rock solid, but my suggestion to you is that carry on with your studies, for another 6 months at least to see if you can adjust a bit better to your new surroundings. Your boyfriend will still be there when you graduate, you need to become your own person, and i'm sure your mom understands that, however dropping out of college is a bad idea, how long will it take you to finish your course?? Stick it out and at least you can say you tried your hand at something! You don't want to be looking back at this a few years down the line, wishing you had've just stuck it out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): "not having a college degree doesn't mean that one can not be successful in their own way." What do you mean by their own way? Have you another career in mind that doesn't involve having a degree? Because this isn't about being "successful in your own way" this about securing a financial future.
You're an adult now but it sounds to me like you want to put off college to prove a point, that's immature. You want to prove a point to the world and your parents, that you can do whatever you want to make yourself happy for the moment. But future you will be really pissed working as waitress because you decided to put your desire to be with your boyfriend ahead of your own future. You might break up in 6 months, where would that leave you? In 6 months you might no longer be able to secure a loan to go to college, when you apply there might no longer be place for you there. You could end up pregnant. There so many things that could go wrong and you'd just be left with nothing as back up and end up right back where you started.
On the other hand there are no negative consequences to going to college now except that you'll miss your boyfriend a bit. But he can visit, you can make arrangements to see each other and seriously college is a hell of a lot of fun. The amount of things happening, new people to meet and working on a good education really are fun.
I know you've already chosen not to go, that you're going to follow your heart and I wish you luck with that. I just hope we're all wrong and it works out for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): You have to decide whether you want short term happiness or long term happiness and security, a good job, with good money.
You want people to consider your feelings, well feelings change and they're not a good basis on which to make a rational decision on your long term future.
You're family don't want you to do this for them, they're not trying to tie you down or stop you having fun. They're doing what they've always done which is try to secure your future as a happy and successful one. This is what you wanted to do, the only thing changing your mind is home sickness and wanting to be with your boyfriend.
No one is saying your love isn't real, or that you're too young to be in love, or that you're not going to be together forever. All of that is possible, but if it doesn't work out that way then you're screwed, you will have to start all over again all the while trying to get over whatever happened, working crappy jobs to keep yourself going and not moving any further in any kind of career.
You say you could hold off for two years, a hell of a lot can happen in two years. Plus the world is in financial meltdown, you might not be able to afford it in the future and there might not even be crappy jobs available anymore. The price of living is going to rise exponentially in the next few years, this is seriously the best opportunity you have to start a good career.
Again let me make it clear to you, this is not for other people this is for you. Really what makes you think you're doing this for anyone else? It does nothing for them, this is your long term future not theirs.
I think you need to think about your own feelings, consider the future you and what her feelings would be having not taken the opportunity to start a career for a guy. The reason people tell you to choose college first is not because your love won't last forever but just in case it doesn't you'll have security. Besides if your love is that strong then you can wait right? He'll still be around as you go to college, you just won't be able to live with him for a while. But when you do, you'll have a good qualification and you'll be able to get a great job and live an even better quality of life with him in the future. Instead of going now and struggling on the wages of crappy jobs with long hours.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 November 2010):
 This is not what you want to hear, but, - maybe because I am a mother, I can't help thinking like a mother.
College is an investment on yourself and on your future, and frankly, it does not even matter that much whether it's fun or not. If it's also fun and filled with new exciting things and friends and parties , fine, it's an added bonus. If it's not, tough luck - grin and bear.
While it's true that obviously you can be successful in life also without an academic title, it is also true that it's very tough out there and you need all the assets and qualifications you can get. A college degree is one, and an important one.
Plus, a college degree is for life, while boys come and go. Which may sound blasphemy to you right now, but , realistically speaking, there are no guarantees, and not terribly many chances, that your and your current bf will still be together in 10 or 15 years from now.While, your
education and your degree will still be there .
Plus, maybe going to college was not your idea- yet you did not resisted or refused. You accepted, you said yes.
You knew ,when you started, that you were supposed to finish it- within a certain time frame. It is something that you undertook , maybe influenced, but surely not threatened at gun point , I suppose.
Frankly, I think that 18 is not too early for taking responsibility for your choices and showing some character. You said you were willing to go to a college in Michigan ? Then do it. Love can wait. And if it is true love, it surely will.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): Of course you don't drop college. If bf is worth it, he'll wait for you. If not, find yourself a clever guy at college!
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