A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. Im wondering whether to date this bloke or not. Basically we been talking for some time and we text most days he seems nice enough he even wrote me a very sweet poem the other day! But we have yet to meetOnly problem is he seems the jealous type. Whenever i get a message online on a certain chat site from another guy he gets jealous and even the other day i said i got let down by a friend and he asked male or female, i lied said female as i knew he'd get jealous he even said oh im glad u said female as id get jealous! Now part of me is thinking oh so what his the jealous type and another part says stay the hell away coz he might be really controlling etcany opinions, advice would be great and appreciated
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 April 2013):
 You have been talking to him for “some time” but have not met… if you live close and have not met, this is a very bad sign especially at your age.
If he’s getting jealous of you chatting with other guys already, then yeah that’s a red flag. Jealousy is not about love or caring or wanting you, it’s about his insecurity with himself and the relationship but if he was serious he would have insisted on meeting a long time ago. Men that tease you and string you along on line are time wasters if you want a real relationship.
YOU are ALREADY LYING TO THIS GUY… huge red flag….
If you are wondering and you have not even MET HIM…. Don’t waste any more time on him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2013): Jealous men can be potentially dangerous. They see you as their property or a possession. They punish you for violating their trust and stepping out of line. They may use violence to reinforce their anger. We all get jealous to some degree; but you've already seen the red flags.You have the chance to avoid all this. You are at least 30 years old and not that naive. Your common sense should kick in when someone has shown you more than once he is prone to jealousy. You're already lying to protect yourself.Please don't lead him on. I hope you haven't given him any reason to believe you are his girlfriend; because controlling men don't take no for answer. Don't believe anything he says regarding his jealousy; becauseyou're impressed with something as simple as a poem. That's sweet, but it's bait. You are 30 years old, not 16.Too many women get attached to men who take possession of their souls and will not let go. Breaking up with a jealous man is pure hell. They hate the thought of you being with another man, and will use every possible tactic to intimidate you into staying.Use your common sense and leave him alone before he gets too deeply attached to you. My fear is that might not heed our advice and give in; so not to hurt his feelings. Consider the high probability you will not be happy living under the conditions a jealous man can impose on you. It's like being in prison. He'll want to know where you're going, when you'll be back, and most times you'll need his permission. You'll be accused of flirting with every man who looks your direction. You will not be able to smile at strangers, and he will persistently accuse you of cheating.How did you feel when he asked the gender of the person who let you down? He isn't even your boyfriend, and he gets jealous of messages you receive online. He has exposed himself for what he really is.If you don't believe my words, read posts from other women regarding jealous boyfriends and husbands. Then you'll find your answer.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (10 April 2013):
 When a guy TELLS you he's the jealous type and starts calling you out on who you are in contact with, BEFORE you are even involved with him....it's probably not going to go well.
I often think tha when someone tells you up front what they are like, it means that they will expect you to put up with the shitty behaviour when they start...because the DID warn you!!
I don't think I'd bother to be honest...he's suppose to be maing a good impression, not telling you what a nightmare he potentially is.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (10 April 2013):
I think if you're feeling this way already, you're best not continuing with him. He does seem to have a bit of a problem, and clearly it's best not to be around someone like that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2013): yes. of course he will be jealous. he cannot get anyone and your the break he's been longing for. if he could get someone else you wouldnt know him. that's what date and chat sites are there for. i am glad that i don't have to go on them.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (10 April 2013):
 your questioning yourself if you should go out or not with this guy, but you already have your answer go with your instinct, you haven't even met this fellow and have no feeling invested oh him so you have nothing to loose.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2013): He does sounds as if he could be the jealous type. If already that bothers you, don't take it any further. Gut reactions can be worth considering. If you do meet up in person - then you can actually get the measure of the man. But keep it light, casual and meet in a public place, so that if you sense he's not for you it's easy to make a gentle exit.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (10 April 2013):
You're old enough that you've developed dating instincts. Use them! You don't have anything invested in this "relationship" at this point; move on before that's not the case and things start getting worse.
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