A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been in this ldr for almost 2 years. We met on a chatline and instantly connected! Every time me tried to meet up,something would always happen on both of our ends, so although we had never seen each other we did skype and video chat and send picture, which made things feel a little bit more real. I really loved this guy and he said he loved me to. We would fight or argue due to the fact it was going on 2 years and we never actually met.... So one day he took vacation from work and I was off work 2 days in a row so he decided to drive the 5 hours and come visit! We both were so excited! In the past he has said a lot of hurtful things(that you would never say to someone you love) to me and there were times I was so through with him but somehow we would always find a way back into each other lives.... So he comes and he's all I ever wanted. It was lovely meeting him for the first time.. So we spent time at our hotel and talk and figured out where were going for dinner but i can tell something was bothering him... So he told me that he's been trying to call his mom and let her know he's made it to me safe but she isn't answering and that's not like her to not answer the phone. So i tell him maybe her phone died. Maybe she's sleeping. Maybe this maybe that just don't worry. And he's like ok but I can tell he was worried out of his mind but also trying to relax... So all of a sudden we begin to have sex. Right when were done he checks his phone and reads a text from his sister saying mom just got rushed to the hospital because she stop breathing... He tries calling everyone back but gets no answer. He flips out and it seems like he wants to cry. He punches the wall and starts packing his things and saying how he has to leave and go back. I was so scared for him and his family because it's night time, It's raining and he's frustrated and scared and I just felt like he should have waited until the morning to leave but I tried to be there as much as i could because I loved him and I wanted him to be ok as well as his mom. So he gave me a kiss and left and as soon as I saw him leave i start balling in tears! Like for once it actually happened but he had to go! Like we've made so many attempts but something always happens and now that we were face to face This happened. It was so hard sleeping in that hotel by myself that night... So he called me when he arrived home saying he's made it to the hospital and his mom is doing ok and he will call me back. Everything was just so short and me trying to be a good girlfriend i wanted more attention but i understood his situation so I just let it be! So a day went by and he didn'nt call me and I was wondering "what's up!" I know your moms sick but can you at least text me or let me no everything's ok with you and your family. I was getting a little worried so I texted him and asked him, "whats up? You aren't picking up my calls. Like what's wrong? Is everything ok? Is there anything I can do?".He calls me right back cursing me out saying if he doesn't want to answer my calls, he doesn't have to. And how I'm too needy and how he can't do this anymore and how he's not sorry for all the hurtful things he said in the past to me. My heart was literally in total pieces. I was so shocked and hurt! I didn't know what to think or do. He made me feel like me trying to b there for him and me showing concern was being " too much in his business" he said u need to fall back because this is his family... He broke my heart. It's been almost 3 weeks since he cursed me out and I haven't talk to him called him and he hasn't called me... I've been miserable and down I don't know what to do. Im tired of crying myself to sleep everynight I'm tired of feeling this pain. Will it ever go away. I knew he was an a^^^ole but I always thought it was just because it was over the phone. I never thought he would b that way after we met bt clearly i wrong. Idk if he said those mean words out of anger and pain from what he's going through or because he really meant it. Idk if I should reach out to him again and c how's everythings going or just leave it! I think about him 24/7 and although he's literally called me every name in the book I still care! I no u may think I'm dumb and insecure bt I really love this guy! I wish I didn't care! But I do! What do i do at this point? I think about his mom and him. He would say things lik I'm going through to much and I'll js explain everything when I see u. I have so much to tell u when I c u. But we didn't get the chance or the time... There has been several signs and things he's done to make me believe he's not the one but the way my heart feels about this guy makes me think mayb we do have Sumthin.... Please help me!!! I feel like nobody understands. Should I call him? I still worry about his mom and wonder if shes ok.Should I cry until I cant cry anymore and eventually will just forget about him... What should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 January 2012):
 It does not matter WHY he said those hateful words to you.. he said them…
A jerk is a jerk online, in person, on the phone etc…
Some men don’t like texting
Some men don’t like talking on the phone
But they do not mistreat people they care about because of that.
This guy is a idiot that USED YOU….
Your head knows he’s a jerk
Your gut knows he’s a jerk
Your heart will catch up
DO NOT call him
DO NOT give him ANYTHING
DELETE his info
BLOCK his email/facebook/phone number
Keep crying
Eat ice cream and whipped cream out of the can for six weeks…
After six weeks pull up your big girl panties and get on with life.
You may cry and wear dark glasses for 6 weeks!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2012): My advice: find someone nearer to home, don't read things into a relationship when you never even met, don't have sex first date, in fact value yourself more. There's quite a lot of self-esteem things you can read, and a book called 'He's just not into you.' And don't chase a man. If he wants to contact you he will.
Sorry if this sounds hard but this way you will get less hurt in the future because you won't build your world round a virtual stranger, who treats you badly anyway.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 January 2012):
 I am for the last option, have a good cry and move on, he is NOT the one and you would have seen it, had you not been hell bent in making a square peg fit into a round hole, i.e. a real a..hole into your idea of him as a Prince Charming.
Darling, he had verbally abused you many times before !, and an a..hole is an a..hole either by phone or by text or in person. If it happens once you may say well he had a very rough day, but if it's a pattern - avoid !
Said that, though, I must say that you really had, or maybe have in general, unrealistic expectations. Why, his mother was rushed to the hospital because she stopped BREATHING,... and you 'd have liked him to stay the night and whisper sweet nothings to you ?... Please. Also, I know you just wanted to be supportive, but if you siege with texts and calls someone whose mother has just admitted to an hospital and has given everybody a major scare - that's not they way they'll see it. They'll see it as clamouring for their attention in an inapppropriate time in which they have more pressing matters in their mind , and as being needy and demanding. Common sense should tell you when it's a time for backing off and let people be, and when it is not, and when common sense is blinded by emotivity/ insecurity,- experience will :), so what happened will be useful knowledge for the next time.
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A
male
reader, tobson +, writes (4 January 2012):
Dear poster, I am sorry what happened to you and hope that you will feel better soon. What wonders me it that the only time he ever made it to see you in 2 years (and a 5h drive is really not that much in the US) his mum would be rushed into the hospital and he would discover that text right after you had SEX. Lots of coincidences here and while it is possible it might as well have been his planed way out after he "scored". It looks like he is not a good boyfriend to you anyways and now after he got what he wanted he just dropped you.
I think you should cry, forget and feel better - a relationship is supposed to make you feel good, and I dont see anything good you get out of what you currently have.
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A
male
reader, bushybushy  +, writes (4 January 2012):
your mistake is letting yourself have feelings for someone you hadnt met. how can you expect to know what someone is like over the internet ? what if he had a terrible smell ? perhaps he couldnt stand your smell ? who knows.
you have to be with someone IRL to know if you like them or not. your feelings are for a man you havent met in reality, and probably to a large degree, doesnt exist in reality. its a fantasy. you need to lose these pretend feelings, and come back to the real world with real people. develop feelings for someone else, who actually exists.
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