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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: There's this guy who I know from high school. He used to be a geek and didn't really get the girls. Now he's different, he works out and looks pretty good. I really liked him at one point and never would have guessed the kind of person he'd turned into. I ended up sleeping with him (silly me!) and afterwards I found out from other people that he's a "d^^" and gets around. I'm still attracted to him physically but I know he's a d^^. ^He has a girlfriend now (no idea why) because he cheats on her and has tried to cheat on her with me a number of times (I turned him down). I used to be jealous of his girlfriend but now I feel really sorry for her. He's been with her about 2 years and she obviously really likes him but for most of that time he's been messing around behind her back. I wouldn't get involved or tell her because it's not my business plus I don't even know her but why hasn't this girl realised what he's been doing by now? Even his friends have told me what he's like. Is she blinded by love or something? Will she ever open her eyes?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2012): All power to you! Great response and all that he deserves. Bet he wasn't expecting that strength? Keep on weeding out the bad ones and eventually you'll find a true diamond
Best wishes for your future
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, he text me asking if i wanted to meet up and i told him i didn't and i won't be again either.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2012): Apologies, my mistake. The rest of what I said still applies though OP. If this guy is such a cheating douche then why haven't her friends told her and how has this guy had the opportunity to try it on with you numerous times. I would have thought you'd want nothing more to do with this guy after you realize he was dick but that's not the case so again he's free to mess around without any negative consequences.
You see you said in your question you only found out afterwards that he's a douche and that he gets around so you could well have ended up in her position. Why was it that people only told you after you slept with him that he was like that or that you only found out afterwards.
You see OP two things happen here the first is girls and guys who get with known cheaters usually don't vet that person well enough before they get with them. If you take the time to ask around about someone you usually get a good idea of what they're like from their reputation, a lot of the time this can be prevented by spending a bit of time getting to know about a person from others, of course most people end up ignoring reputation and believing the cheater when s/he say that it's just rumours or they've changed. I used to be a player, never cheated nor got with a girl who has boyfriend but I got around. If those girls had taken the time to ask around they would have known that, a lot knew and didn't care though. My current girlfriend of over 6 years was a good friend of mine for about 2 years before we got together and knew I was like this, she never even considered getting together with me until she saw over the long term (about a year) that I was no longer doing that or like that.
Secondly for some insane reason people will let their friends and let other people date known cheaters and not rat them out. You see you know he is because he tried it on with you but you're not going to tell her because "it's none of your business" but then how is he ever going to be held responsible for his actions OP? How is his girlfriend ever going to find out if people are just going to bury their head in the sand and let this guy mess around and never say anything. You could even do it by telling you friends and other people and getting it passed around in a way that you know it will get back to her but "it's none of your business" actually it is your business because he's tried it on with you, you were the person he tried to cheat with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionErm, excuse me? I never slept with him when he was with her "Cerberus". I slept with him a long time ago when he was single. Get your facts right.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2012): How would she know when heartless women like you are willing to sleep with him then keep it a secret from her?
"I wouldn't get involved or tell her because it's not my business" But you don't mind getting in her business by fucking her boyfriend and just as bad letting him come on to you more than once.
Simple OP she probably doesn't know he's cheating because there's enough girls like you around the place that are perfectly willing to let her live in a dream world and not do her a favour and tell her what he's really like.
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (4 January 2012):
 Qualifier: If a person is not in a relationship then he/she can go out with a new girl/new guy every week and that is HIS/HER business.
But once he/she agrees to form a committed relationship with a partner then that Primary Relationship should be respected.
Single and fancy free? yes go out with whoever you like.
Committed realtionship? Then be faithful or break up and start again to play the field until you find the "öne"
Cheating just hurts too many people IMHO.
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (4 January 2012):
Often a girl will choose to not notice. Because she so much does not want to lose him, or thinks Divorce would be something she never wants, or she has been so demoralized by her cheating partner that she thinks she could not get any one better, so she endures the humiliation. She knows but tries to put on a brave face.
She is doing herself no favors.
For he sure as hell does not respect his Primary relationship if he is pursuing other women as well.
I have often wondered if men who consistently cheat are either totally arrogant, uncaring or completely insecure in that they need constant validation that they are still attractive to the whole female population of the world?
Perhaps only long term counselling could uncover the real reasons?
The other issue is the UNWRITTEN and UNSAID marriage contract that all couples have, but rarely acknowlege. There is always a contract. every contract is different, and every contract unique. And pertains just to that particular couple. There are many variations of these contracts. He and she have decided what they will call deal breakers and what they will tolerate to stay together.
And it goes like this - examples only:
Him: You will maintain your figure and be nice to my complete pain of a hypochondriac mother.
Her: I agree to do the above but in return you will always earn a minimum of $XXXX per annum and will turn a blind eye to my spending on E-bay and to how often I flirt when I've had too much to drink.
or
Her: I will tolerate that you not only flirt but that sometimes you may cheat, but you will always come home to me and you will buy me a new Diamond ring each time I discover your cheating
Him: I thank you for understanding that I will never be able to stop cheating so I will agree to your terms and you will never complain when I don't help around the house and you will never invite your boring father to stay at our home as you know how I feel about him
There are many many variations of these unwritten contract - often only discovered when one party breaks the unwritten contract and the relationship starts to fall apart.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2012): Same reason that guys don't get it either.
Why don't some guys realize they are being cheated on?
The same for both sides. Truth is, the more you trust someone, the more easily you can be betrayed by them.
It is not so much "blinded" by love, but blinded by trust.
You can love someone and not trust them, you can hate someone and trust them, you can trust someone and neither love nor hate them.
Trust makes us vulnerable, not love.
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female
reader, bearN  +, writes (4 January 2012):
 Why are you so concerned about her ?? Are you girls best friends. If she wants to be with the guy , well thats her choice. Moreover, If he is a popular guy in school or college. I am sure she would love to be the limelight of having him as a bf. Regarding about what/how/why she is with him? These things can only be answered by her. Maybe you should ask her. Can you do it? If you do that ,I am sure you will get the answer :)
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