A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm sure this question has been asked before, but I think everyone/every situation is different, so I'd like to ask it again.Last June, this girl (24) became very interested in me and, a month later, we were together. Not too many 1-on-1 dates at first, but a lot of group things. Eventually, we managed to get a few, more intimate meetings together. Things seemed great.In late September, seemingly out of the blue, she decided to call things off. Although I didn't like it, I respected her decision. A week later, she confessed how much she missed me and how much she wanted to get back together. So, we got back together.She's still going to school and holding down two jobs, so she didn't have much free time, but we did see each other fairly often. It was her idea to take things like this, and we both seemed fine with it.Tragically, in November, her father passed away unexpectedly. I maintained close contact with her and was there supporting her as best I could. Even after this, things seemed OK for a while.A few weeks ago, she started coming out with our group of friends again, coincidentally the same time I got fired from my job. She kept checking on me, which I obviously appreciated. One night, however, she seemed somewhat hesitant to talk to me.The week after Christmas, we all went out again. This time, she REALLY made an effort to avoid me. When I asked her about it, she said she was, "trying to send a message." When I asked for clarification, she said, "she wanted some space... things are different. Maybe they could be the same again. But, for now, they were what they were." I told her OK, but asked that she be up front with me about it.Last week, we all went out again. I was prepared to be ignored, which I was. However, I noticed several times when she was talking or dancing with some of our other male friends, that she was stealing glances at me.I guess my question is this: Is she still working out the passing of her father and pushing me away as a result? Has she decided to move on and pursue other guys? Is she trying to tell me to leave her alone? Or is she trying to make me jealolus and chase her? A friend of mine suggested that she may be hesitant to love at the moment because someone she loves so much has just been taken from her.Very sorry about the long question, but I wanted to give as detailed a picture as I could. Thank you in advance!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 January 2012):
 I don't think this is about her dad. People can pass away, but that doesn't mean we all leave our boyfriends/girlfriends. Some of us need more space and time apart, but this girl sounds like she didn't know what she wanted from the very onset of things. You've had so and so many dates, yet you aren't exclusive, you have no stamp on your relationship, you don't know what you are to her and she is keeping you on the fence DESPITE having said she missed you and wanted to be with you. You aren't her boyfriend yet despite all the dates and despite her vague interest in you. She said she wanted to get "back together" yet all your last meetings with her have been in a group of people where you get ignored. So much for "back together".
I don't think her dad passing away has much to do with how uninterested she is in you. You should spend your time and devotion on someone who returns your feelings and wants you, actually WANTS you and doesn't make you wonder about it either. This girl isn't all that. I know it sucks, but can't make her crazy about you when she isn't. Let her go. Find someone more worth your time.
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