A
female
age
36-40,
*alagirl07
writes:hi, need some help here please.its been 5 years since my ex and I parted (we were each others first loves) as he had a year-long commitment to concentrate on but he told me he will come back to me after that, which he did. but I rejected him for fear that he would leave me again.. on and off within these 5 years we did keep minimal contact, either party will initiate to get back together but it never works out because the other party didn't want to at the point in time.the last time I told him about my feelings, he told me that he will not get together with his ex as he's uncomfortable with it. a year later, I got into another relationship, with the most caring guy whom loves me so much he's willing to do anything for me- except I can't say the same about the way I feel for him and I feel really guilty for that. i love him, but I'm not IN LOVE with him. my ex told me that he's happy for me when I got together with my current boyfriend, while he has never had a girlfriend after me and recently he has been really emotional on social platforms citing quotes and reminiscing the past, and for some reason I think he misses me. 2 days ago he texted me, and we had our first proper text conversation since so many years ago, and the same night he got really emotional on Facebook again. I haven't stopped thinking about him for the past five years, even when I'm with my current boyfriend. I've told my current boyfriend about the conversation I had with my ex and how I felt about the both of them, and he told me he will give me time to forget about my ex , as long as I stay by his side. I'm really confused, i feel like im cheating on him. i do love both of them, if it's even possible. :(
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female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (8 November 2013):
 You are not in love with your current BF, he is there because its all you can have for the moment.
You have serious unresolved feelings for your ex and you never had closure because it appears that there was never a real reason to actually split. I suggest you and your ex need to meet over coffee and have a serious conversation about what yourll want. Further, if either one makes excuses of why you cannot be together. This needs to be the end of the road and the healthiest option is to move and not have any contact.
If you don't have this talk and continue emails, messages and calls, you will drive yourself crazy and end up alone bitter and hurt.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2013): I'll give it to you straight. You can have only one of them.You are messing around with someone's heart; playing a soap opera triangle. You always end up breaking up with the other guy. If it was meant to be; there would be no nonsense. It's just an old habit, and a lot of drama.I strongly urge you to let the second guy go; because he is just waiting to get his heart broken, while you and your ex play your games. Besides you are "not in-love" with him anyway. You're being selfish and cruel.Go back to your ex, and stay until you once again breakup.No one else should be around to be hurt in the process.Being torn between two people is a lot of romance novel bull. It's immaturity, and a lack of responsibility for the harm being done. It's called cheating when a guy does it.
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