A
male
age
51-59,
*eil13
writes:This is my story. About 16-17 years ago I meet a gal a terrific gal that was getting a divorce because he cheated on her. We shall call her Jill. At the same time strange as it may sound I was seeing a married gal. We shall call her Rose. Well, Jill and I took right to each other things started to go terrific. She was everything I had ever wanted. I got Rose to finally let me go. I really wanted to get things really going with Jill. The problem was that I knew in my heart that if I wasn’t completely honest with her we would never have a true chance. So I told her one day that I was seeing someone else when we meet. I didn’t tell her much more than that. Expect that we work together she guessed it. I also didn’t even get the chance to tell her why I needed to tell her that I was seeing someone else. I have no idea if she is seeing anyone or if she is married. I have no way to find out since we only dated a very short time and had no mutual friends. I haven’t seen or heard a word about her or from her in all of these years. I have remained single since yes I have dated but can’t seem to totally move on. My question is this is it wrong of me to send her a letter to her? The letter is below. I have changed the names and places. I’ll try to answer some questions you may be thinking. Do I want her to contact me? I’m not really sure if I do or not part of me does, part of me doesn’t since I know I hurt her bad back then. I defiantly don’t want her to contact me if she has someone in her life. Jill, I’m not sure if it’s you that will be reading this or your son Jon, your boyfriend or husband. I don’t even know if this will ever make it to any of you. You may of may not remember me. My name is Joe we dated for a very short time after your divorce from I can’t remember his name. We meet at Sams then went to Perkings . Remember “you’ve gotten my chair”.I just wanted to let you know that the reason I told you that I had been seeing someone else when we meet was because, I knew we “I” couldn’t move forward with you without being honest with you. I’m sorry for hurting you. This has bothered me for years and needed to get this off my chest.I hope you, Jon and whomever is in your life are doing great. I wish you all the best this world can offer all of you.
View related questions:
divorce, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Blonde68  +, writes (28 January 2011):
I am a little confused as to what it is you hope to achieve here. You have said that you would like to know if she is happy and now married, but if you don't include your address you are never going to know are you.??
How long did you have a relationship with Jill for? You have mentioned in the letter that she may not remember you.. does that mean it was only a brief encounter? I can remember all my relationships and dinner dates with guys as far back as 25 years!
I am not fully convinced that you are not testing the water, you obviously still think fondly of her, but I think this may be partly to the fact that you haven't fallen in love with someone since then, or settled down.
If you do decide to write to her, then I do suggest you include your address otherwise it is a pointless exercise.
Have you tried finding her on facebook? Do you know anyone that is friends with her that you could find out how she is doing? She may be happily married now, and I think you need to prepare yourself for the rejection if this is the case because like I say, I do think you are secretly hoping she is single.
However, nothing ventured nothing gained, she may be single and wonders how you are doing too... it would be quite lovely if that was the case and you lived happily ever after together!
Keep us posted... and good luck!
A
male
reader, neil13 +, writes (28 January 2011):
neil13 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAuntyEm
Your question is
First, what reason are you sending the letter?
When you get older you realize the pain you have caused others and want, need to try to make thing right or at least explain why you did or didn’t do things at that time in your life.
You may call it closure I’m not sure if it’s for me or her things happened so soon. By that I mean one day we are fine or at least she thought, but I needed to tell her so we could go on. Once I did it was done, I was so hurt for trying to do the right thing I couldn’t go back I was afraid it would hurt her more.
NO it’s not to test the waters.
I didn’t include a contact number or address?
Maybe I should?
Should I she hasn’t know how to contact me?
I have no ideas what her life is or who she is today. She if she gets it may burn the letter. If she’s married who knows he may hunt me down. I’m not afraid of that, what I’m and have been afraid of is interfering with her life.
I would love to hear that she is happy with whomever she is with married or not.
I do not want nor do I expect anything in return
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (28 January 2011):
 Ok I have a couple questions?
Firstly, what reason are you sending the letter?
Is it to say sorry so you can have closure? or is it to test the water to see if there is still a chance with her?
You seem like a genuine man but you also seem very confused over this. If you do send the letter and she replies and says she is married or with someone else, what will you do? Are you prepared to hear that from her?
I always think that if two people are single an want to rekindle then there is a reasonable chance that things could work out, but so much time has passed, it's hard to know what you will uncover.
The way you have worded the letter is like an apology that you want nothing in return for...that's fine if that is what you intended. If she is married or happily joined to someone then you need to be prepared to hear it and move on with your life.
It's very interesting I must say, so do let us know what happened and how you get on.
AE xx
...............................
|
