A
female
age
,
*emmon Head
writes:My best friend and my husband are now lovers. She left her husband, he left me. She has two kids and we have one. She and he have discussed kicking me out of our family home and them moving in. I suspected something was going on for so long. My husband denied it over and over. He moved out last summer and told me they officially started dating Jan 1. The kids dont know. They are hiding it from them. It is so hard. I feel betrayed by both of them. I have not confronted her yet. I have spoken to him many times. Unfortunately, she runs and hides when I am around, we still have the same group of friends. I dont know why she pursued him. She really sucks. He does too. I am really angry at them. Should I confront her?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2013): They are despicable and will not be happy in their relationship. I wish them the worst of luck. As for you, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. But honestly, I don't think confronting her would do much. You already know everything and since they're the ones who cheated, they're not going to feel very bad. It would only cause you more pain the longer you dwell on it. I'm sure your kids are old enough to understand? If they are, just sit them down and tell them that you guys aren't happy, and the relationship isn't working out. No one will be able to hide anything, the kids will find out. Let them know so they won't be devastated finding out themselves.Also, DO NOT let them kick you out of YOUR home. File for divorce, tell all your friends and family what happened (if you want to). I'm sure everyone will take your side. If any case you DO end up kicked out, they will support you. If you're still not satisfied, I suggest you email her. Think about what you want to write, don't appear needy or jealous because she'll just laugh at you. Just wish them luck with their horrible relationship.I hope things work out for you, they sicken me.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2013): confronting her won't achieve much. You need to concentrate on ending the marriage and how you tell your child. Despite what you may want to say, the best thing for the child is for both parents to speak to him/her at the same time and to give the same message. No blame is apportioned, you just both say that you no longer make each other happy and that's why things are changing. Yes I know there is blame but this part is not about making you feel better, it's about what is best for your child.
I feel your pain. This is a tough situation. You must confront it and move on with your life.
Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, Lemmon Head +, writes (22 May 2013):
Lemmon Head is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGood idea.
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A
female
reader, Lemmon Head +, writes (22 May 2013):
Lemmon Head is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGood idea.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (21 May 2013):
Confront her with what goal in mind? What are you looking to achieve? What information to expect to get that you dont have already?
Ill give it to you straight - they snuck around behind your back and cheated on your. He betrayed your marriage and she betrayed your friendship. What more do you need than that to get closure?
If I were you, Id be much less concerned about my hurt feelings and much more concerned about ass raping him in divorce court for adultery. To me, that would be a much better salve than any confrontation.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (20 May 2013):
 I am so sorry to hear what a complete ankle she is and what a complete asshole he is.
Hell yes I would confront her. What the hell? Hiding it from your children? Like the kids won't eventually find out, if they don't already know. Don't let them kick you out of your home.
They are the cheaters and they can find somewhere else to live. I would inform my friends of the backstabbing, conniving, manipulative wh*re she is and what she is doing with your husband. I would also talk to my child and kind of explain the situation, so she/he isn't blindsided. Ugh, people.
I am so sorry.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2013): I'm so sorry, what a terrible friend and husband :( Don't let them kick you out of your home! Get a lawyer and file for divorce. Tell all your friends that she is a cheater and how deceptive she and your husband have been. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2013): I would confront her, being certain to retain my dignity and self-respect. I would send her a very beautiful Hallmark card with a short, concise, blunt note. "Dear Best Friend, I wish you the best of luck in love and life with my Husband. Goodbye." That would be the end. Never would I acknowledge her existence again. The end.
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (20 May 2013):
I'm really sorry about your situation. It sucks!!
You have to ask yourself what is the real reason to confront her?
This is not going to accomplish anything. You need to be the bigger stronger person in this. You need to love on and heal from the upset a x-husband and a x-friend has created. I would do this for your child's sake.
You will become the better person for it.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, myboyfriendsacnt  +, writes (19 May 2013):
If you share mutual friends then please get in their first and make it known to your other friends that you knew something was up before he had left... Make sure they know that she didn't do this after the break up.
In regards to confronting her - I would say yes,, but make sure you are very sure of what you want to say first.. I would avoid free styling as you may well say some things that you will forget after. Maybe write a letter or email.
Decide what emotions you want her to feel when writing - embarrassment? Shame? Self doubt? Remorse? And make sure your letter makes her feel exactly that.... However please try and remain dignified & do not appear weak or jealous but more matter of fact...
Let her know that you will be ok? Also Possibly let her know that her new man is a bore & all of his bad habits if that's what makes you feel better...
Or, Scratch her car?
She is a hideous person having known you & taken your husband & you have every right to feel like you do.
If I were you my letter would read something like below:
Dear...
Wow, I really had no idea you were so gutless... And here was me thinking I had a friend.. Well, friends like you more often than not end up lonely & I can only assume you have all of that coming.
So, what do you suggest I tell my children about this situation? I can only assume that you have made a plan of action in regards to what you will say.. Seen as you have been planning this for quite some time now, please share as I'm finding it awfully hard to decide how to approach it...
I did always thing I could do better than "name ex husband" & the fact he is now with you proves that I was infect correct all along.. You are much more suited to a lying cheating rat than I am so well done in finding your match. I have no doubt you will both continue to lie to each other, what a healthy relationship you have in store...
So on and so on...
:)
Hugs to you and this will get better... This is your chance to start an amazing new life... Get on a dating site and get yourself a hotter younger date lined up for a bit of fun!! Xxxx
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A
female
reader, haribo158 +, writes (19 May 2013):
So sorry for your horrible situation,
However I also agree that it's not a good idea to confront her. While you may think it will bring you closure, unfortunately in reality it won't. Whatever you were to say it would never be able to express your feelings, and her reaction would ultimately not be the one you would be hoping for, leaving you with more anger and frustration than you had to begin with. Really, this sounds cheesy but you will get more closure by just accepting the facts and moving on with your life, not easy but it's the best way.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (19 May 2013):
 Confronting her will achieve very little. However you will need to let your child know what is going on, how you do this depends very much on how old they are. Keep it factual and non accusatory towards his/her father (difficult I know but better for you and the child in the long run). Make sure you no longer have any shared finances or bills. Any credit cards that you both can access need to be cancelled. Any joint accounts take what you can and then close them down. As for your house seek legal advise immediately.
As for your friends you need to decide if you want the news to be known or not. Either tell the one person you know will spread it all over, or tell one friend you can trust to treat your news with sensitivity.
There is nothing to be gained from confronting this woman, however, there is nothing wrong with eyeballing her if you see her out and about. Make sure you give her a long, slow look up and down as if you are incredulous to see such a thing. And then just turn and walk away, getting on with whatever you were doing before you stepped in the doo doo. She will get the message that she is not worth your wasting your breath.
You have some tough times ahead, face them honestly and with determination. Don't let this pair dictate your life.
Peace and light.
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