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Should I confront her husband and let him know what his wife has been doing with me for the last 2 years, or let nature take its course?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Cheating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 October 2011) 13 Answers - (Newest, 28 October 2011)
A male Canada age 51-59, anonymous writes:

well , where do i start , was working with this girl for a couple of years , we became the best of friends , would talk about every thing and any thing , she is married , im single , and has kids , i knew all this before any thing had happened , she is a beautyfull woman , totally in to her , she invited me to her summer place , we just talked , and when i left , she give me a kiss and a hug , so as time went on , we become very close , again i went to see her at her summer place , and ended up sleeping with her , she had my heart than , a few months had passed , still working in the same place as her , about three months in the L-word was said from both of us , to each other , she said she wasnt happy with her husband and wanted to leave , but was staying because of the kids , this was hard for me , as time went on we would see each othe alot , some times 3 to 5 times a week , this went on for a year , than she says we have to slow this down , and went on a family trip with him and the kids , she said it didnt change anything , for me i was , upset at this , now she says she is mixed up , and cant leave , but says dont know why , its the kids , doesnt wnat to brake the family up , i said your doing more harm to your kids by staying in a loveless relationship , now , here is my question ? should i confront him and tell him what his wife has been doing for the last 2 years with me , or just let nature take its course ?

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A female reader, chickpea2011 United States +, writes (28 October 2011):

chickpea2011 agony auntHi,

I am glad you made a decision, and hope you stay strong. I know you love this woman, sure she's a good person, but honestly she doesn't deserve you or her husband.

Good luck

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A male reader, unclezak United Kingdom +, writes (27 October 2011):

Good on you. Keep up the strength

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (27 October 2011):

So_Very_Confused agony auntI'm sorry you are currently sad but you did the right thing.

I left my husband (no children) for another man... or rather I forced his hand and made him so unhappy he left me and I did not try to stop him.

I left my first husband with NO JOB, and two small children ages 3 and 5. Thankfully I had parents to help me and a partner willing to pay child support.

Folks do NOT stay with a partner for the sake of children if they have any options at all to leave and they want out. IF someone says "I can't leave for the sake of the children" they are not being honest with you or themselves.

Hopefully you won't be sad for too long since you DID THE RIGHT THING! Still sucks I know.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

i spent the day thinking and reading peoples thoughts , met her today and told her , i didnt wanna see her any more with his name , and not to contact me till legally seperated or devorced , i wont hold my breath , thanks every one , just needed a reality check ...mr sad

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A female reader, stressedandtired United States +, writes (26 October 2011):

stressedandtired agony auntI'm in a situation like yours. I've been in a relationship with a married man over a year. Sometimes I think about telling his wife but what good what it do? Most likely she still won't leave and he'll want nothing to do with me. You knew she was married from the start. You have feelings for her and now you want her all to yourself. She is not going to leave her husband. She's using the kids as an excuse not to leave. She's not going to leave her husband because she loves him and she is secure with him. She may love you also but not enough to ruin what she has at home. So you have two choices. Either get used to being the man on the side or leave her alone completly and find someone else. Either way, you're in for a lot of heart-ache and pain. I know this for a fact because I am going through it right now. I'm in the middle of trying to decide how I can get out of this situation because I don't want to continue being the woman on the side. I can't waste my life in a relationship that will never go anywhere.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2011):

Odds are that she will not end up with you regardless of what you do.

You knew that she was married.

If you had not, then I'd say break it off and tell the husband, but that isn't the case.

You are "the other man", she has a husband and family and you are the guy she escapes with.

If you become the husband, then you will no longer be an escape...you have already seen what your future holds if you and she lock up together long term...you will be "the husband".

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2011):

Are u the only man she is sleeping with, other than her hb?

Are u sure her hb and her do not get along? I'm assuming she is also sleeping with him as well.

She has u wrapped around her fingers. And u have no idea what u are dealing with.

Don't u feel guilty about sleeping with another mans wife? Remorse? Or are u just happy to be banging someone/anyone? I condone affairs. Quiet frankly u have no rights to this married woman.

Perhaps u need to read other posts from women who are having affairs with married men. They too are messed around by their lovers. They too want to lash out and hurt the other spouse.

Look if u want to tell her hb, then go ahead. Why should he stay with a cheating witch who has no respect for him or the sanctity of their marriage.

Yes , now that I've thought about it, her hb must be told.

LoveGirl

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (26 October 2011):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntThat's a delightful idea.... Call up hubby and say "I've been sleeping with your wife for a couple of years... and now I expect she will dump your sorry bottom and take up with me..."

The fallout???? I assure you that - when the dust settles - YOU will be on the outside looking in.....

Good luck...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you for the info ... mr Sad

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A male reader, C. Grant Canada +, writes (26 October 2011):

C. Grant agony auntIt is not your place to confront her husband. I guarantee you that you will lose her if you do. She has been having the best of both worlds and doesn't want anything to change.

Look, married people having affairs seldom leave their spouses, and in the rare instances that they do, the relationships with the person with whom they've been cheating don't usually work out. You can't have any more of her than you've been having, regardless of what she tells you. Accept it or move on.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2011):

Don't tell her husband, what good would that do. Just end it. You can't handle the situation any more and there is no future for you as a couple. The best thing is to cut and run and try not to look back.

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A female reader, bebe87 United States +, writes (26 October 2011):

bebe87 agony auntTo be quite honest that isn’t your place to tell HER husband, obviously she has feelings for you but in her mind it sounds like she struggles to “rock” any cradle and some women are like that, they’d rather stay and be unhappy then leave and shake things all up. You knew you were touching fire before anything even happened so you had just as much of a role in this as she did. My advice for you is to back away and let her try and fix her marriage, believe it or not but in some cases it really does work out as marriages should. I would tell her that if she ever decides to leave him/divorce then you 2 can give it another go.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (26 October 2011):

Honeypie agony auntYou could tell her that if she doesn't tell him, you will.

However, if you DO tell her husband, she sin't going to come running to you when he wants a divorce.

And how much do you really know about her marriage?

Obviously there is more to her staying then just for the kids.

I think your only course of action is to end it and find yourself a woman who isn't married. I mean have you no concience? no morals? Don't you see that what you are doing is wrong too?

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