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Should I cancel this trip so he realizes I'm serious?

Tagged as: The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 March 2010) 5 Answers - (Newest, 28 March 2010)
A female United States age 41-50, *azzie1 writes:

I just can't believe the incident that occured with me and my boyfriend. I went to meet him because he was waiting for his daughter to get dropped off by her mother..so, while I'm in the car with him and his daughter he ask's his ex if she needs a ride to the nearest train station and to top it off tells his daughter he gave her money for a cab. Not once did he ask me if it was ok with me to drop her off. That made me feel so mad that he told me it's really not serious..hey, that is his baby momma..I have been through so much with this guy..it's been 5yrs and I really feel he's done more than enough. Infedelity, physical abuse but to make a long story short he booked a vacation for us in 2months, since he feels I deserve it. In all reality I don't want to be with him anymore and I want to call the travel agent to cancel because he feels that he does so much for me and all I do is treat him bad which I don't..I just don't cater to his every need because of everything I've been through..Should I cancel this trip so he could realize that I'm serious this type..I feel like I've wasted so much time which I should be focusing on my 2boys 15 and 9yrs old who r not his..please help!

View related questions: his ex, money

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A male reader, eddie Canada +, writes (28 March 2010):

eddie agony auntIf you're basing everything on the fact he offered her a ride, you're over reacting. If the other points you mentioned are true,that is the bigger issue.

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A female reader, nlieu279 United States +, writes (28 March 2010):

nlieu279 agony auntI don't care how much he is trying to appreciate you by booking the vacation, but it won't do when he is an abusive partner. Cancel it and leave him. He abused you before, and he will do it again.

You should in fact caring for your child. Give your childs a happy life and once they are all grown up, ya can do whatever you want at that time.

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (28 March 2010):

Laura1318 agony auntBefore you do anything rashly,I hope that you will think long and deep or you will have much regret later because you broke off when you were irrational.

Offering his ex a trip to the station or giving her money for the taxi fare is mere courtesy and gentlemanly behaviours. It does not mean that he has feelings for her .

Does he have to ask your permission? If he had to,it would show the ex that he was under your control.That would not be a good perception of you .

Nobody is perfect and if you want to punish him because of that incident,you will find that no one is the winner.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (28 March 2010):

Aunty BimBim agony auntThere are a number of issues here.

Yes, your children should be your first priority. You should be focusing on their health and well being, making sure they are having positive male role models to follow so they will grow up to be decent, caring men.

If you are being physically abused, you should leave the relationship. It would be best for your children if they did not see their mother as a victim.

If your partner is cheating on you with other women, you need to decide if you are okay with this, if you are not then leave the relationship.

It would seem to me from reading your question, the only decent thing about this man is that he offered his child's mother a ride to the train. I dont understand why you feel this was a bad thing to do, or why you should have been asked for your permission before he offered.

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A female reader, pinktopaz United States +, writes (28 March 2010):

Why are you still with him after the abuse and you don't even want to be with him! Yes! Cancel and trip and dump him if you are not happy. It all comes back on you if you stay with him and you're completely unhappy! Forget proving to him that you're serious, you should be serious about making yourself happy and taking care of your children.

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