A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Wondering if i should call my cheating ex boyfriend's current girl and let her know that he has been playing both of us. I am the only one that knows about it. She is only 22 and he is turning 34 this year. So she is young and I would be lying if I didn't like the fact that it would probably make it hard for him to explain things. There are a few things holding me back. I don't want him to know that I am thinking of him.... and trust me it is not in a loving kind of way. He is narcissistic and selfish. I am not kidding, the most selfish man I have ever met. The night I was miscarrying he chose to go to a work function instead of help me through this ordeal. I haven't spoke to him since, nor has he tried to call to see how I was doing, nothing. He never did love me like he said he did. He just paid a lot of lip service ... and I bought into it. I'm not sure if I should tell his current or would I look like the psycho girlfriend who appears like I can't let go? OR is saying nothing the best way to go? Silence says more, doesn't it? I tell myself success is the best revenge. I was told by my best friend that I should leave a relationship knowing that I did everything to make this work (which I did), with my head held high, and in a years time if he runs into me he will regret ever treating me the way he did. But then again, he is so selfish that he probably will never see that.Just remember I'm in my 30's so I don't want to act like complete child.
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best friend, my ex, revenge Reply to this Question
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female
reader, SoaperGirl  +, writes (2 April 2011):
 It is difficult decision. At this time, although I have solid video evidence to back me, I'm not doing anything. My ex sicko bf had a hissyfit on his website ranting and raving about me, and apologizing to his current gf claiming she'd been threatened with a dossier with all he'd written on all his romantic activities. I don't have those kinds of files, and even if I did I'd probably just pitch them in the nearest trash can. Now video which I do have, with him onscreen saying everything verifying everything he's denied to the world and the gf...I like that. But I don't think I'm mean spirited enough to actually use them on him because it'd take me down to his level. What he did to me, he will eventually do to her, and no action on my part is necessary. If she's not suffering now, she will be soon enough. Tough as it, I wouldn't do it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2008): i was just very recently in this same situation. But i made the mistake of telling her what was going on. I was the one who he cheated on her with. i still love him tho with all my heart. in love with him. i believed by still continueing sleeping with him that i would somehow pull him away from her and back to me. all i did was create a big old mess out of everything. she believed me tho. but that is not the point. the point is i learned from this mistake and i am telling you what i did was childish and stupid and you should not make the same mistake. if you really want evryone around you to look like your stupid and ignorant and some kinda b****. but ya. i learned form it and from my personal experience i think you should just let it go. keep your dignity. hold you head up high. i didnt.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008): You need to think whether you are doing it out of concern for her or out of revenge.
I rang the woman my ex was seeing again and spoke to her. But that was different: she knew about me and I didn't know about her. I confronted her first and then dumped him.
This woman probably doesn't know you exist. Bear that in mind when you make your decision.
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A
female
reader, Manya +, writes (27 February 2008):
I heartily agree with your choice of nonaction!Best of Luck and may a wonderful man come into your life very soon!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): Hi
I am glad that you decide to take this course, it is best to walk away and not make any noise.
take care
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for all your advice. I chose to write her a letter but I just emailed it to a friend. I agree, silence is the best course of action. I really don't want to bring him back in my life ... AT ALL. I think that by talking to her would cause me more grief then benefit.
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (26 February 2008):
 i was in a very similar situation last year with an ex of mine. i have had no interest in him or his life since we broke up and maintain a civil persona wen i do see him. i was out in a club last yr with my boyf and bumped into my ex with his then gf. we were talking at the bar and he leaned in and asked if we could start things up again on the side. of course i walked away, and while i did consider telling his gf, i decided against it. in that situation, you never know what reaction your going to get - she could freak out and accuse you of lying and wanting him back etc, he could deny it and make you look like the villain. leave it be, and let them be. he will get his comeuppence so dont you worry! revenge is sweet is a saying that never materialises. move on and forget about them.
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A
female
reader, Manya +, writes (26 February 2008):
I agree with the other aunts, and I'm glad you wrote in rather than acting. If he never even tried to call you since the night of your miscarriage, then he sounds completely odious and contemptible. How long ago did that happen? Hope that you have healed physically and psychologically!! I think that you should keep your distance from him and protect yourself.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (26 February 2008):
 In my honest opinion I think it's far better to maintain a dignified silence.
If he truly is narcissistic and as selfish as you say he is she will come to realise this for herself.
Far better to just forget about it and move on.
Besides, getting involved in this business is only going to bring a lot of bother and hassle into your life.
I remember about 10 years ago the company I worked for received a stupid email. Being one of my first jobs I asked what we should do as this was the 3rd one we received from the same address.
My Manager said to simply ignore it since if we were to reply it would likely;
a) only give the emailer a reaction which is what he wanted and;
b) the situation could go on and on and on and take up even more time thatn it already has.
Ok, it didn't take a genius to work this out. But I think it illustrates the point that sometimes it's better to just ignore/forget about the situation and move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2008): If you dont want to act like a complete child then let go now and stop these daft ideas. Move on and stop thinking about him at all. Who cares what our bloody nutty exs do with themselves and even their partners. She will discover for herself in time what a complete waste of space he is, not from you. Be a strong woman, hold you head up high and walk away with dignity.
So sorry to hear that you had a miscarriage and that you had to face it alone. Just be brave and keep away from him entirely.
take care
x
xx
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A
female
reader, red1982 +, writes (26 February 2008):
I would strongly recommend that you don't get involved. She pobably wouldn't believe you anyway. My ex boyfriends ex girlfriend came and told me all about him, how violent he was and how he always cheated on her - and I didn't listen to her. I listened to him and the excuses he gave for it, saying that she really wanted him back and that she was a psycho when they were together and it was her fault that he got sent to prison. I listened to all of it, and bought the lot. He then started to threaten her so much that she moved (although I didn't know this at the time).
I now know she was right and feel really bad for believing all of the things he said about her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2008): A similar thing happened to me with my ex. However, it was her who contacted me and I confirmed that her suspicions were true. It did feel partly sweet at the time but partly bad as I didnt want to come across as being the mad ex girlfriend.A monht later they are still together as he told her that I lied and just wanted to break them up. She has believed him. I dont talk to him as im fed up with lies and with him using my name like this. He told me that he still had feelings for me but couldnt let her go and would do everything to keep her. Good luck to them both I dont waste any more time thinking about what they do together. We share three kids together which makes it that much more complicated though!
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (26 February 2008):
 Let me ask you something. Why does he need to see that? Isn't your holding your head high and living with dignity a personal choice? If it's a personal choice, which is a positive direction, why should you have to prove anything to him. His girlfriend and he made a choice to be together. If it's a choice that she'll find later on was not the best decision she'd made, she needs to find out on her own. Sometimes the best lessons we can learn are ones which no one predicts our outcome and we just have to find out for ourselves.
Your holding your head high is a good value to have. If you act out of revenge, you're compromising that value, and in a way, allowing him to remain in control over your actions. Take care of yourself, don't worry about what he's doing.
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A
female
reader, fearimgoingtoloosehim +, writes (26 February 2008):
well i have to say it, she probably would not belive you, in your best intrest just stay away from him, forget about it an move on. she probably knew him while he was with you so she knows what she got her self into. if you feel like you have to tell her write her an letter without your name anywhere even on the front, let her know what kind of man he is if you think she doesnt know all ready. now i know revenge make you feel like you are shoving it to him and it feels good but for your sake do try and get revenge,("two wrongs dont make a right") you need to forgive him so you can move on. not all men are selfish(it just seems like it) go on and find you a good man and live your life tp the fullist everyday!
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