A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey Agony Aunts and Uncles! Okay, i'm dealing with a terrible situation right now. My boyfriend and i been together for 2 years now and throughout those 2 years, he has cheated 4 times, he mistreats me, he hid things from me and lied to me. Okay, recently he hid our relationship from 21 females. yes, i broke up with him, but he came back with the same sob stories and i gave in and took him back. So the other day i saw where another female wrote him via message on facebook. Remind you, we already agreed on not to converse with opposite sexes via facebook or by sms. So he didn't know i already saw it. So when he got into his room, he tries to hide it. So we got into this big fight and then an hour later we talked about it but i'm just not feeling right about this anymore. I have major trust issues and it's hard for me to let him go. I love him with all i have and my fear is losing him and seeing him with someone else but he says that's not gonna happen. But i don't know what to do or how to overcome this. Breaking up for good is the best thing to do but it's going to be hard for me. I always say i'm tired of this but i'm always running back to it and putting up with it. It's like my mind is saying he's doing something, he's cheating, etc. But i don't know if i should continue this and wait for him to change because i love him or should i just cut it all off. It's hard. Any advice please! Thanks!
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female
reader, ilanah tromans  +, writes (4 July 2011):
 he wont change my best advice is to finish it for good i know it will be hard because you love him but it will be better than being paranoid all the time he shouldnt be talking to other girls he obviously needs to grow up before he gets into a relationship, you deserve better than him, hope this helps !
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (3 July 2011):
 He won't change. Like you said yourself, breaking up is the best thing for you to do.
Don't ever let anyone cheat on you and feel he can get away with it.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (3 July 2011):
 This guy is obviously never going to change. Much as he wants to, much as you want him to, this is just going to continue. I know it's really hard, but build up a support system of friends and family, pick up some hobbies, get yourself ready, and break off all contact with this guy. So you're not tempted to answer the phone and email and such, block his number, block everything you can and keep busy. You can do this.
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A
male
reader, BJS  +, writes (3 July 2011):
Hi there,
Your answers are in your post :)
I learnt that you cannot change anyone except yourself.
Waiting for him to treat you with respect and honesty that builds trust and creates a fulfilling relationship is only going to cause you more pain.
Also, dont be too hard on yourself - You seem like a nice girl that wants to "help", "fix" etc... but this in itself can lead to problems for you -
You are on a downward spiral right now, his dishonest acts create the trust issues in you - and they will get worse and worse - just remember you are human and its natural to become distrusting after he cheated so many times.
Bottom line, you deserve better - You need to figure out a strategy of cutting all contact with him - NO CONTACT is painful but is for the best. There are strategies to make it easier:
1) Cut him off your phone. Delete his number. Block him from calling you. Repeat the same for any other lines of contact, including facebook etc...
2) When you get the urge to "contact him" or see how he is doing, call a buddy. Get them to give you the support you need during this time.
3) If you cant call a buddy, take a shower, go do a task and distract your mind.
Once you are over that part, then find out why you put up with all that crap from him. Why did you choose that hurtful relationship? Dont you desever better?
Ive been there too, this will be a great learning experience for you.
All the best.
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