A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 2 years now and I'm starting to wonder if i want to be with her anymore. When we first started dating we would spend every single day together and I eventually started staying at her house every night. I was okay with this because I was "in love" with her. But, as time went on, I began to grow tired of spending every spare minute with her. The problem is that now I am tired of seeing her every single day. If I do hang out with my friends, it's maybe 3 times a month, and I have to schedule it ahead of time or my girlfriend throws a fit. She cries and says things like "You don't want to be with me?". Then she sends me texts like "I'm bored", and "I can't fall asleep". It's like if I'm not with her, she's going to make me feel guilty for not being with her. Between her, work, and school, I can't get any time to just be by myself. The pressure that she puts on me is beginning to be a bit too much, and I'm thinking about breaking up with her. Should I break up with her?
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female
reader, dijoyful  +, writes (29 August 2010):
 This relationship has reached a point where things can't carry on as they are, she is feeling needy and clingy and your feeling overwelmed by her emotions. The problem is that you both have spent way to much time together from quite early on in the relationship, this is a common factor when you are first in lust, you only want to be with that person. Now the first stage (being in lust) has moved on to the second stage, (living together, and including everyone else in your life) this is when things natrually settle down into more everyday life, she is feeling this change and is desparetly trying to hold on, worrying she losing your love, this is only making matters worse by you pulling away. You see the pattern, you pull away she clings on more. Now is the time for that make or break conversation, This can be saved if you both really want it, but total honesty is the only way, listen to each other, discuss what can be done, don't blame as that will get you nowhere, it's all about moving forward together, prehaps under differant rules that you both find exceptable. She will need reassureance and you need some space, thats a good place to start.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): Have you tried to explain to her that you need more space in the relationship? Try telling her. I get the feeling she won't be happy about it, but it's best to be honest about how you are feeling. Make time for yourself, schedule some time to be with your friends, arrange times to go out and do things you want to do...and then calmly tell her what you will be doing. Reassure her that you care about her, but you will be spending the day on your own/going out for a few hours with friends/doing school work, etc. And then go and do it. If she starts to text you, ignore the texts, or turn your phone off. I think it is fine to forewarn her if you are going to be out or doing something by yourself, and very considerate. But once you have explained it to her, stay firm. Don't let her pressure you into changing your plans out of guilt.
Maybe you could suggest to her that she could go and see her friends, or do something she enjoys in the meantime. She will probably find it difficult at first, especially once she realises you are serious about having more space. But if you stand your ground, she might come to accept it. If she doesn't, and you continue to feel suffocated in the relationship, then go with your feelings. And if those feelings are to break up with her, then so be it. At least you will have tried.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (29 August 2010):
 Well, what about her do you like? Do you want to give that up? Before you do anything, talk to her about it. Make sure that you've exhausted every other option before breaking someone's heart. I say that because she seems to really like you.
I hope that helps.
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