A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, I really need help to decide if I should break off with my LDR BF. We've been together for 3 months and it has been long distance 2 months ago. When I'm with him, everything is fine, except that he's quite self-centered. He talks about what he wants all the time and sometimes would not really care about how I feel. He had an accident 3 years ago with affected his brain. He told me since then he doesn't cry (no tears) and could not really express his sadness (even if he's sad) We had a discussion on skype yesterday and I'm having doubts about our relationship since. He admidted during our conversation, he know he's self centered but he does care about other people's feeling but doesn't know how to show it. He said that even with his friends, he's like that (he doesn't really ask how his friends were..etc) He wants to change for the better. I'm at my wits end, I was sick yesterday and I sms-ed him and told him I was addmited to the hospital. He asked was it about the conversation we had on skype..and he asked if I still want to be with him (despite him being self centered). He didn't ask why I was admitted in hospital and I have to tell him the reasons why. His reponse was.."Im sorry but I don't know what to say..." All I was expecting is "get a good rest!!" kind of response..but he didn't send me anything. Later this morning, he send me baby pictures of him ( I asked sometime ago for baby pictures of him ) and he didn't asked how was I or I'm getting better ? Do I give him sometime to change ? We've discussed it numerous time ( he needs to care a little about my feelings or how I feel) but I don't see any improvements. What can I do ?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (22 July 2011):
 my LDR boyfriend does not have Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) but he has poor social skills so we talk about it when something happens.
I am sorry you were in the hospital.
text messages are a hard way to communicate...
when he said "I don't know what to say" that's when YOU TELL HIM WHAT YOU NEED/WANT... even the most sensitive man who has good social skills is NOT a mind reader....
LDRs are hard... how often do you two see each other?
A
female
reader, Zandra  +, writes (20 July 2011):
 Well you want him to understand your feelings, so trying to understand his is a good start. Like you said he told you since the accident he can't express himself... He has been honest with you about this, so it shouldn't come as a surprise to you.
If you feel, you need reassuring words and him to display how much he cares, then maybe this isn't the guy for you? Expecting people to change their personality to fit your preferences seems unfair.
From what you have said he has been thought full, giving you pictures you asked for ages ago thats really sweet and maybe his way of reaching out to you? How long have you known? him three months is nothing relationship wise if you've only known him that long you should find someone more suited to you. If you've known him longer then you should already be friends and so you should of known what to expect.
To get back to the point it seems he really can't help it, and it's probably a medical condition. Why are you so hard on him?
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A
female
reader, phuonguyen  +, writes (20 July 2011):
 Hi. I saw your question and i am really confused how to answer it. Well, if you still love him, just give him a second chance and help him get through his emotion. He had an accident that affected his brain, right? So maybe it's hard for him to express his feelings again. You could take him to the doctor to check his health or just talk to him and tell him what you feel deep down inside. You shouldn't make him feel pressure about your relationship or something, just be normal and open your heart with him again. Good luck !! :)
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (20 July 2011):
Hi there. Perhaps the accident he had which affected his brain has had a permanent change in him. It's possible.
Because you have said here that his accident was 3 years ago, it doesn't seem that his condition is going to change now. It seems like it's permanent.
It also seems like he can't do anything about it now. It's the way he is now.
No-one can tell you what to do about this, so it really comes down to if you can live with it.
It's already making you a bit unhappy, and the fact that it's an LDR doesn't help much either, because you only talk by skype or else text messages.
You have only known him for 3 months, so you didn't know him before his accident to compare him then, to now.
The unfortunate thing with it being an LDR, is you are only getting to know him partially, so the relationship isn't having a chance to really shine.
What you could do however to compensate for that, is not to expect him to always be asking how you feel etc. and that might take some pressure off him. And just talk about what he's been doing and what you've been doing, work etc.
But don't keep on bringing up the subject with him, that you wish he showed his feelings more. That will only cause more problems and make them seem worse than they already are. Just trying to keep it light and friendly, and without any expectations, and then you won't get upset.
Because whenever there is some expectation, there can also be some tension when needs are not met, and then disappointment, blame and then arguments over misunderstandings. And it's even more intensified by the relationship being long distance. So you can see what I mean here.
But all is not lost.
Give it a bit more time so you can get to know each other better, to see how it all pans out and to see if you can make it work.
When the pressure on him is less, you might find you feel a whole lot better about everything then.
But just give it some more time first, before deciding.
Then if after a few more months, you really don't think you are genuinely happy with things, then it might be decision time.
The bottom line here is, I really believe his brain injury is permanent and isn't going to change. If it was going to, it would have done so, long ago.
But first just give it a bit more time - say 2-3 more months, without any pressure on him, and see how you feel.
Before deciding, be completely honest with yourself about everything.
Good luck and best wishes.
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