A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Im just here to vent. It's prolly obvious that it's over and nothing can be done. I fell in love with this girl years ago... gave her everything I had, planned my future around her, would do anything for her. I looked forward to spending the rest of my life with her... I would do anything for her... be there for her... take care of her.. take her to work in the morning.. pick her up at night... take her to fine restaurants (too expensive for my taste).. travel the world with her.. dedicate every day to her. I thought everything was great. We lived together for a few years. I ignored some signs.. like her telling me I wasn't ambitious when I had a decent job but wasn't bringing home the big bucks.. her lack of morals in her past.. But I trusted and hoped that all would work out. Then came business school. She decided to move away rather than go to a school right where we lived. Everything changed... she introduced me to other students as the guy who helped her move, hid our facebook relationship status on the first day of school, refused to dance with me on a dance night when she'd dance with other guys, would tell me not to visit her when she had parties... would party so much but would be reluctant to talk to me even for a few mintues each day (what we usually did before). Then she tells her new friends how she wants to dump me... flirts with the guy she asks for advice from.. and dumps me so quickly and sends me into a state of shock. Her reason.. she wants to be free to do whatever she wants and date.. that we are not similiar and I am not ambitious.. that she no longer has any feelings for me. But despite all of these.. I'm hoping it's just a phase for her in a new and exciting place... and would take her back if she wanted to make it work out in the future. I can't seem to get over her but people tell me that she never was worth it... made a fool out me... never loved me.. They tell me I was played. Should I beg for a second chance? to save it hoping it's all a phase on her part?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCan I blame her for not being in love with me anymore? Everything was fine until business school. Then she says there are many more people there similar to her... ambitious, driven, and outgoing. Then she says she's fallen out of love. Can I blame her for that?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2009): Well, let me help you with the "how could she" just walk out without a fight.
That is what narcissists are capable of doing. They see people, lovers as "supply" to fulfill their needs of ego gratification and what ever other needs they need fulfilled. Often when your relationship gets to a more serious stage and you start wanting something from her, they can't stand it, they feel they are losing their control over you and they turn off their "act" as if it were a faucet and go look for the next willing victim.
It is easy to be taken in by their charms and their "need" for you and their "want" for you because they can be challenging and fun. But they can also be incredibly, unbelievably frustrating and cruel.
What helps to know is that these types are really pretty unhappy people, they can't love, they can only take and it is never enough! But it has nothing to do with her not loving you any more, she just never really loved you, truly had respect and true inherent honest affection for you. She had affection for getting her needs met and that is all.
I know it is a hard concept to get your head around, but that is really it in a nutshell and you are sooo much better off with her out of your life because she would have worn you out and left you a shell of your former self. They are often very manipulative and emotionally abusive and it is subtle and grows like a cancer.
Not a healthy place for you to be at all. So the sooner you can get focused on taking some risks in your life and start doing some things you have left undone, the better you will feel about things and the more relief will come over you once you realize just how much she was dragging you down.
How do I know all this, I was in the opposite version of this kind of relationship for two years and it got totally harmful once we got really serious...it took me a long time to figure it out and now I am sharing with you what I came to know.
Good luck and keep your chin up, you will be fine.
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A
male
reader, duce00 +, writes (31 October 2009):
 Hang in there buddy. This part always hurts, breakups are never a cakewalk and this one sucks worst than most.
I cant stress enough how lucky you really are. You wont be able to see that in the midst of your pain right now but you will latter, I absolutely guarantee it!
What helped me when I had to deal with a woman like this was to get even. I don't mean inflicting harm on here I mean make the most of yourself. You now have the freedom to do that. Without this sub-human user dragging you down you can become the man you want to be.
I promise you that in a short time you will be a happier stronger man. You will also be wiser and never fall for the charms of a parasite like her again. This is the Gods honest truth I guarantee it!
THE FUTURE IS BRIGHT FOR YOU!!!!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your responses. I need all the strength I can get these days. What hurts me the most is that she didn't exert the slightest effort to save our relationship. She just gave up so quickly. And also, she just came over to my place... dumped me in 5 minutes. Told me she was moving the rest of her stuff out the next day and preferred that I go to work the next day. I ended up taking a sick leave the next day and helped her move out. I just can't fathom how someone I thought I shared a special relationship with could cut me out of her life so quickly and not want to see me ever again. I feel like I lost a wife to a sudden death. What hurts even further is that she made huge compromises for her previous boyfriends... some of which are separate topics for discussion on this site. But for me, she wouldn't even lift a finger. A friend of mine told me that my mistake was that I gave her everything. I just hope I figure out how to pick up the pieces and move on. I'm very much disillusioned and hurt.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): This women is a classic narcissistic user it sounds to me. It is such a shame that these females can't mate up with their male equivalents and good caring loving people don't join with their kindred spirits.
It is just your confused heart that keeps you hanging on. Because you are a normal person you cannot fathom how someone you love and claims to love you could be this heartless.
Really, you dodged a bullet, she sounds emotionally abusive and she would hurt you and use you again if you let her because that is who she is. She may need you and even want you but she is not in love with you or she wouldn't be able to hurt you that way if she had real affection and respect for you. Her needing and wanting you is not love it is due to her own personality defects and even though you may believe in your soul that you love her, it isn't reciprocated and never will be. She can't love anyone.
This is not a relationship ever worth salvaging. Wish her well and kick her ass to the curb, never again let her cross your door, even if it is the door to your new yacht.
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A
male
reader, duce00 +, writes (30 October 2009):
Ughhh! Brother, I could candy coat it but you already know what is going on here. She is a user. There are are plenty of them out there and you should be thankful you learned the lesson now.
Here is my advice: Take all that pain and focus it into building yourself into the man you want to be. Stop compromising and doubting yourself RIGHT NOW!
There will come a day when you read this post and laugh your ass off as you drink martinis with the woman of your dreams while sunning on your yacht.
Look forward my good man!
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A
female
reader, ShadowGoddess231 +, writes (30 October 2009):
 Oh dear...What you need to do is that move on, just have a TINY spot in your heart for her, just don't sit around waiting for her. I believe that the "not being ambitious" is that she MAY wanted you to pop the question to her, and now she feels like you weren't going to so she was throwing that out to you. She is however very confusing person. Her wanting to go back to school was her way of I want out. If you like just give it time and you'll both will find out what you guys really want, just work on yourself, don't worry too much about her, she'll be doing the same thing.If people are saying that then maybe it can be true, just go back and look at how she was with you before all of this to see if it was true or not.Fallow your heart.
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A
female
reader, X-x-Galaxy-x-X  +, writes (30 October 2009):
 huni im gonna be soo honest with you, she does sound like she only stayed with you for your money and it sounds like she was never interested in you, i know im being harsh but i must say what is true your friends where right she played you bad! and dont you ever EVER go back to her coz your way! to good for her. She does not deserve a guy like you if she wants to party leave her im sure she will regret leaving you because you sound like an awsome guy. it sounds like she was treating you like a side dish and no one deserves that kind of treatment and no one in a relationship would ever do that to there lovers. forget about this girl and move on with your life have fun and meet new girls this girl must of been so shallow and heartless enough to just stab your heart like that, move on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): She sounds like she could be trouble. I'd leave it. I'm guessing this is pretty much right, 'I can't seem to get over her but people tell me that she never was worth it... made a fool out me... never loved me.. They tell me I was played'. Something wrong with her.
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