A
male
age
30-35,
*ifference
writes:I'm 15 and i get so nervous about everything. When im at school i get so nervous that somebody will talk about me or hit me or just plan mess with me. See im a quiet person who doesn't say much in some classes because or certain students.In some classes I talk and don't get nervous at all but its some classes were students talk about people and pick with them. Im not a roasting person so i just let everything ride when some say things to me but they continue to do it and make me scared and nervous before I go in the class.And I don't like to fight so when they hit me i let ride and ignore them but when I do that they will continue to do it and make me scared and nervous about the next day I can't even consentrate in my previous classes because im nervous about the next and its outcome. I tell myself that im going to go in here and defend myself and don't take BS from anyone but I get nervous because i'll be the center of attention and bag down. Like lately on class my stomach makes noises and when its quiet and i get so nervous out my mind. I try to convince myself that other people do it ignore other people if they here it and knows its me but i get nervous and bag down. Its something about me being the center of attention and i get nervous about anything everywhere I go. I try thinking of good things, pinching myself and maybe stop breathing for a few seconds but it doesn't calm me down. This even stops me from going out having fun because I get nervous about the outcome and think that people will pick with me or embarras me. I've tried to realize and everything. What can I do because im tired of this its taking my mind away from me and makes me nervous each day. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): You're 15, and what you describe sound like me at 15... it's an awkward age, flatout. And be greatful that you have resources like this one, where you can hear people say things like this... 15 is an awackward age...The question that I had while reading your post was "wow, this kid sounds like me, I wonder if his folks are alcoholic?"- I ask that only that mine were, and as such I can only assume I'm the way I am (was) because of them.Seriously (no joke here)... If you were raised in a home with alcoholish, it brings alot of fear into your personaility, which will then replay over troughout your life. If that's the case, I recommend al-ateen, as they can give you some great life skills to get back on blanace with.If you're not in a addicitive household... good for you! Then you need to stop trying to please people so that you can find relife. Stop "people pleasing" (look it up), and just be yourself. Some people will like you and others won't, but EITHER WAY, it doesn't change your vaule as a human being.Here's an excercise for you (to show you how pointless all this worrying is).Make a list of all the worst case senarious that you've created are... just write them down on a piece of paper. Play through your fear list...Now, how many of these have ever happened? If you're like me, you have dozens of worst cases and ZERO have ever happened. Your young, right this course now, because at 40 it's a hell of alot harder to do... save yourself $25,000 in theropy (buy a cool car), and learn how to live peacfully in your own skin.
A
male
reader, duce00 +, writes (30 October 2009):
 I believe self doubt plagues every guy at some point. That is just one of the ways you are like every other guy. It is hard when it gets its grip on you but I believe there is a way out. If you will indulge me I would like to use a quote, dammed if I can remember the source though.
"To have self esteem you must do estimable things"
So how I used that was to find what I was good at naturally and make it better. I focused on my strengths and put my all into it. I practiced guitar like crazy, I took on large projects like rebuilding an engine, I rode my mountain bike farther and farther every day. All that helped make me more confident and I use that approach even today. I suck at plenty of things but so does everybody else, I am pretty dammed good at a few things and I am respected for it and I take a lot of pride in what I do.
Sit down right now and ask yourself what you love to do and make a basic list. Take those things and do them every day. You can build yourself into who you want to be. There will always be doubts and doubters but be the turtle and trudge on while that shit rolls off you.
You will be just fine my boy!
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A
male
reader, blaz£  +, writes (30 October 2009):
 in truth, theres no one thing you can do to stop this. Theres nothing that if you do will gaurantee it will stop, and people telling you to be more confident and stand up for urself dont really realise how hard it will be for you to do that. Ive been bullied before and i sympothise a lot, im sorri your goin thru this at times it can be lyk a nightmare where u feel its onli you goin thru this and you cant turn to anyone, your confidence is down etc. Truth is, first step is changing how you view yourself. If you see yourself as being a kid below them and not on their level who is a loser, thats the way your going to present yourself, you know? and you do that by realising that you are not the kind of person they make you out to be.Putting it simply, the way you act around them is not really who you are is it? you may get nervous, act diffrently in someway. Therefore there gonna treat you like that, the trick is realising this. realise they dont know who you really are, and what they say about you isnt who you are. Dont see yourself as the kid that gets bullied and dont take their words to heart because you are not that. Believe me that will make a big diffrence, you wont doubt yourself anymore, or wish you were diffrent etc.. with that kind of confidence noone will cuss you in that way. i hope this made sense and seriously good luck with everything, i really hope things work out for you. Just simply Be yourself, dont be what they tell you you are and most importantly, dont believe what they tell you you are.
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A
female
reader, susievee  +, writes (30 October 2009):
Dear 15 year old male,It sounds like a bad situation to me. First, in the world we live in today, retaliating could cause even worse problems. I might suggest talking to the principal of the school, problem is, if they find out it is you then you might, like I say have worse problems. A sensible principal might be able to use discretion and help you. I do not know. I know public schools are bad, I have had many experiences with my two teen-age girls. Neither of them did well in public school, they are different. How much online schooling would you be able to do at home? I know they offered this to my daughter. Could you do online education at home and would you want to? What about alternate schools, schools with limited students? We those schools in Canada. It sounds like there is something else going on. When you talk about constantly being nervous and not going out to have fun because you worry about being picked on. I would talk to a counsellor about this. Do you have low self esteem? Nothing wrong with being different but you need to learn how to be comfortable with it. Comfortable with yourself, is really all that matters in the end. I am worried about your situation and worried for you. Please keep in touch and let me know how things are going. Try meditation? Sounds weird for a guy but whatever helps. How about a Karate class, great people there, interested in discipline and self growth. Might empower you as well. Please let me know how you are doing. People care.
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