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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hello. I need your help to figure out if you think my boyfriend cheated.Let me begin by saying that he is in touch with me several times a day. But yesterday he behaved unlike the norm. We talked before bed on Saturday night. All was fine. I sent him a good night Snap chat message. I saw that it was opened on Sunday morning at 10 a.m. But he did not message me to say good morning when he opened it. And he did not message me all day until 10 p.m. Which is strange for him because he will initiate a call or message if he does not hear from me first.Yesterday he was totally MIA. He was elusive. He seemed to totally avoid being in touch with me. I sent him a message at 3 in the afternoon because I hadn't heard from him at all. 7 hours go by. I then send him a message asking if everything is okay.He responded at about 10 p.m. 7 hours after my first message.I asked him what he was doing. Why didn't he check his phone all day. He said he was just vegging around the house. That he was by his laptop and had his earphones on and his phone was upstairs on his bed. He said it was just ME time and he was watching movies and cleaning the BBQ and reading. But he seemed short in his answers. When he finally responded at 10 p.m. he said "sorry babe not to be in touch all day or not saying hi. I miss you and looking forward to seeing you tomorrow." It seems like the words do not match the actions. If he really missed me or cared about me at all, he would not have blown me off all day long.I guess I got offended that during that ME time he was still thoughtless not to contact his girlfriend. Even just once for a few minutes to say hi, instead of completely ignoring.It took him 7 hours to get back to me.Surely he knew he would get messages from me and should have checked his phone. Or at least initiated contact. Like hi babe, spending the day vegging but wanted you to know I'm thinking of you. That is all it takes. He seemed to send me a message saying syrupy stuff after he was prodded. It's almost like he was doing some damage control.I have read articles on signs of cheating and one was no contact for hours.That was him yesterday. No responses to my messages. No contact all day. Neither of these behaviours is like him normally.What should I do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, This_is_not_a_dress_rehearsal  +, writes (25 July 2017):
 Cut him a break. If he doesn't do this ever then he gets a pass.
Why are you flipping out on the idea that he's cheating? Has he cheated before?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2017): There don't seem to be red flags on this one.
Its true that for us females it makes logical sense if we miss our guy we get in touch often and regularly.
However for a guy its different. They need their space to regroup, recharge and return to you ready to conquer the world.
Allow him that space without any guilt trip and you will see the appreciation. Also, don't time his responses like that. Send your messages but don't wait for a reply unless its something you need a specific answer to. Do your interests, hobbies and life and when he is free you catch up and reconnect.
You will learn this in time. Be happy
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (24 July 2017):
 While I do believe that, quite often, the first sign of something "wrong" is when someone starts behaving out of character, I don't think you can take this one day in isolation and decide your boyfriend was up to no good. I do, however, understand your concern if he was behaving totally differently to normal.
Are you very intense when you are communicating? Perhaps her really did NEED some chilling time and thought contacting you would just put pressure on him and spoil his destressing.
In your shoes I would take a step back and see if this develops into a common occurrence, in which case you two need to talk.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 July 2017):
 I think he just seriously needed a ME-day.
Yes, it would have been grand if he had texted/called and told you, but then he might have gotten a lot of "what is wrong?" "Did I do anything wrong?" texts.
Not hearing from a partner for a day, it's NOT really life-shattering. (Well, maybe it is for people who never dated or courted BEFORE cell phones) I don't think it's a sign that he cheated. Could be a sign that he is NOT very good at communicating his NEEDS to you. Like I need a day of just being me.
Something might be up, doesn't equate to CHEATING from the little you write.
Is there a reason that cheating was the first conclusion you jumped to? Other than ONE day of no contact?
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