A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I just found out I am 4 weeks pregnant. I'm going to have an abortion. I don't feel guilty about it at all, in fact im actually happy about it. Shouldnt I be crying?
View related questions:
abortion Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, dmartin89  +, writes (16 August 2012):
 I had an abortion when i was 19 and it was such a relief. I had no attatchment towards my potential child, my body was creating something that i didnt want and was making me incredibly sick. For me there was no other option and to this day im glad i went through with it. You feel what you feel, and dont let anyone tell you you _should_ be sad.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 August 2012):
 you should be doing what YOU need to be doing.. if it's being numb so be it.
If it's crying so be it.
if it's anger so be it.
What you FEEL is your personal business and do not let anyone tell you what you should be feeling.
...............................
A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (15 August 2012):
At the moment your hormones make you feel good. After the termination you may well cry a lot, you will have a roller coaster ride with those hormones! Many years ago my girlfriend terminated a pregnancy and whilst it might not have been my child I still wondet who that person might have been. But for me, as others have said, life goes on and you have children in a much more secure and loving environment. Just be more careful about birth control in the future. i find it very sad that trained medical staff have to use their skills terminating unwanted pregnancies rather than healing people with problems beyond their own doing.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 August 2012):
 No one can tell you how you should feel. And until reality hits usually afterwards when the hormones surge a bit you might feel differently.
If you feel this is what's right for you, then why cry?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2012): I felt very sad when got pregnant and very much relieved when I had an abortion. 3 years later I met my husband and 4 years later I had a beatifull baby girl. Now I m married for more than 20 years and our daughter is all grown up, I never had any more abortions, and we never wanted anymore kids. I never regretted about that abortion that I had when I was 18. I think it was the best decision at ghat time instead of becoming a teenage mother from a man who couldn't care less about the baby.We all different, we all process our events differently. There is no saying who should feel what. My mother was very sick for 6 years, I was struggling with her being sick and there was nothing I could do. When she passed 2 years ago, I felt relief, not for me, for her. There was no sadness for her death, but there was sadness for her life for the past 6 years. I was not sad at the funeral, all I felt that I was happy for her finally going to a better place where she doesn't suffer anymore. My dad was crying, and everyone was crying, everyone was sad, but me. I went to a therapist asking him the same question, if there is something wrong with me. And he said no, nothing is wrong with you. You loved your mother and you struggled along with her for all this time. It was time for her to go home, and you were happy for her. It's normal, he said.It hit me a year later when I went on a a long vacation and after coming back I picked a phone to call her and then realized that there is no one there to call anymore. Then when I cried.Everyone are entitled to their own emotions, there is nothing wrong with you for not feeling sad.
...............................
A
female
reader, HappyPlace +, writes (15 August 2012):
 Sometimes, at the time it is the best decision all round. Maybe it was unplanned, maybe the father doesn't want to know, etc, etc. However, hindsight is a wonderful thing so make sure this is your BEST option. I had 3 abortions between the ages of 19 and 30 and I'm certainly not proud and also very embarrassed that I used it as a form of contraception. I now do not have children (and can't have them)so I often look back, working out the ages my children would have been and wondering how things might have been if I had continued with the pregnancies. Also, as an aside and not wishing to put you off your decision (designed only to make you think), there is a belief that the baby has a spirit and goes on to live in the "other world". On a visit once to Dublin, and encountering a child that my Aunt had brought with her (a neighbour's child), who apparently had conversations with dead people. She stared at me very intently for about 5 minutes and remarked "you are Rebecca's Mummy", to which my family jumped in and said, "no, she doesn't have any children". They were not aware of my choices but I knew exactly what that little girl meant. So, I look back now on those decisions that I took so lightly, and they remain huge regrets in my life now, for which I beg for forgiveness constantly.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2012): If a baby is not right for you at this time and you don't want one, obviously you're going to feel happy about the abortion.
Its a good idea to prevent unplanned pregnancies in future.
...............................
A
male
reader, Bob Loblaw +, writes (15 August 2012):
You feel what you feel. You might ask yourself what the circumstances would have to be which would make you have doubts about going forward with an abortion, if you're really curious.
But I'd say just trust your feelings, and do what you gotta do. Whatever happens, just pay close attention to what your feelings are and respect them. If it's easier for you, then be happy for it.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2012): no, you don't need to be sad or prescribe to some idea of 'appropriate reaction/grieving' etc. Just make sure you have a good support network in place so that if you do need to talk to someone or feel a bit sad later, there will be someone to turn to. good luck with everything!
...............................
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (15 August 2012):
 We can't know. You may someday wonder about that child that would not exist due to the decision. Who could that have been? But I support abortion option especially if for medical reasons or rape. I think it's best to try to prevent unwanted pregnancy.
...............................
A
female
reader, jinxx +, writes (15 August 2012):
 I don't think you "should" feel anything. When I had mine, I was already quite attached. In fact, it was because of pressure from my parents that I even got one in the first place. I was young, and in no shape to have or raise a child. It is not a decision I regret, but it is one that has left me with a little sadness over the years.
The point is, we all feel differently about it. No two situations or people are the same, and if you are confident about your decision then I think that's great. You are making the right decision for you, and there is nothing wrong with that.
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (15 August 2012):
 Of course not. It's great that you're sure in your decision. You are making a medical decision that's best for your life. Don't let anyone try to force their morals on you/make you feel bad.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2012): The emotions may hit you after you actually have the abortion, or maybe they wont. Everyone handles things differently.I had an abortion almost 3 years ago, and although I do think about it every now and then, I have never cried or felt overly upset about it.Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (15 August 2012):
At 4-weeks, no. Back when I scheduled my appointment for an abortion (about 5-years ago) I had no doubt in my mind and didn't feel bad at all. The problem for me was that they make you wait 2-weeks I believe before you can have the procedure. In that time, I started having symptoms and feeling "different" it wasn't until I started actually having symptoms and feeling that I cared for the baby that I actually started to feel sad.
I ended up cancelling my first appointment because I felt like I was doing something wrong that I would regret. After going home and thinking about it and not receiving the support from the baby's father like I thought I would, I made a second appointment. It was REALLY bad and didn't want to do it, but I went through it anyway.
I think the further along you are, the harder and more emotional it might be. However, I have had friends that didn't care at all and weren't bothered, and some that were affected maybe more than I was. So don't feel that you should be crying over it, at least not yet, you might feel differently closer to the procedure or after.
...............................
A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (15 August 2012):
not everyone is the same, in fact most people feel a sense of relief after the actual abortion although this feeling might be more shortlived for some than it is for others. what I do suggest regardless of your feelings is that you get counselling after you have the abortion. and of course get the abortion done sooner than later as it is easier the earlier on you are. good luck x
...............................
|
