A
male
age
41-50,
*hestheonlyone
writes:My and my wife have been together 11 years, married 5 have 3 awesomw kids, About a year ago my wife told me she didn't think she was in love with me anymore, she ended up moving out,then I found out she was seeing someone who said he was my best friend, ,well they are not together anymore and my wife and I ready slowly working on our realationship but, I'm treated like I'm her boyfriend or less, this really hurts. She says she wants to take things slow and I understand that but she doesn't tell me she loves or misses me, sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my time. I love her so much and can't picture the rest of my life without her,but I'm scared . She really destoryed me when she left the first time. Not sure what to do. When I ask her she says that she does love me but again wants to take things slow... should I just be paitent and have faith? I always thought if you love someone you should let them know...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2011): Listen brother, all you are is plan B, the backup plan, because it didn't work out with this other guy. Go out, get a nice girlfriend and move on.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): I think you have to search for love elsewhere. It takes two for love.Some people never learn, and I think she could be one of them. Again look elsewhere for true love.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Honest  +, writes (7 March 2011):
 I'm so sorry to hear about this siuation. It must be so hard for you, and the kids. However I think that she's being incredibly unfair to you. It can't all be on her terms. She hurt you, she should be trying to win you over, not the other way around. As painful as it is, I think you need to tell her it's now or never. Because if she loves you and wants to be your wife she won't risk losing you. If she doesn't then you have your answer. I know that's really scary, but how long can you keep going on like this? If that feels like too big of a step, try putting yourself first a little at least. She hurt you badly, what do you need from her? What can she do to regain your trust? What do you want to achieve by getting back together? It's not all about her, think about what you need and deserve. Think back to when she left, I bet you thought things would never look better again, and I bet that you were getting there when she came back, or starting to at least. I wonder if perhaps, you ever had time to heal. You might find that as time passes, you find you can't forgive her for what she's done. You're just so consumed with the not having her part right? I just wonder if you had the time to move past that and think about if she was good for you? Because if not-you may as well know now. You sound like a loyal and lovely husband and if things don't work out with this woman, there are plenty of women who will want a man like you. Hope that helps!
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A
female
reader, AlwaysHereToHelp! +, writes (7 March 2011):
 Hello :)Well it sounds like you and your wife have been having a rough time and I hope my answer helps. It is truly devastating when someone falls out of love with you, especially if you have created so much with them, like kids, memories, pretty much everything. Obviously, you love your wife more than anything, and she must love you as well otherwise she wouldn’t have come back.First of all you need to sit down and talk. Ask her why she fell out of love with you in the first place. Was it just because she fell in love with your friend or was it something more? Tell her how you feel and how much you love. Let her know you want things to go back to the way they used to be, but you’re are going to need her cooperation to help that happen.Think of things you and her used to do in the past which were special between you and her. Like perhaps going out to dinner, or going for a walk. Try and do those things again and try and give your relationship a bit more of a zing to it ! Let your hair down and have some fun it can work wonders. And you must understand that she is not going to act like things used to be straight away. It’s going to take time and I know it can hurt so much, but just keep going and little by little I’m sure she will start to love you more and more like she used to. Remember she probably has doubts in her heart about your relationship as much as you do.If all fails, then perhaps you should both see a counselor and help build up your relationship again.Also please don’t do what many parents do today. Don’t forget about how your kids must be feeling about this because everything that affects you affects them.Remember love might be dead but it can always be re-ignited ;)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): Seems like she is stringing you along for now in case she wants to crawl back to you after she has a had a good look around for other guys.From what I read in your post, it sounds like she has all the power in your 'relationship'. For me this doesn't seem right. You should both be equals in the relationship.ALSO she has slept with your best friend! Both your wife and your alleged 'best friend' must have known that this would really really hurt you! It really doesn't speak very well of either of them. I know it's easy for me to say as somebody looking in from the outside, but I would get both of them out of your life!Unfortunately, as you have kids involved you have to accept that your wife will always be in your life in on way or another as you have to let your kids see her (for your kids' sake not for her!). But as far as trying to get back with this woman, I would say don't put all your hopes there. Be prepared to let her go and prepare to move on.Sorry if I have come across as harsh but it is just my personal opinion of the situation.Best of luck mate whatever you do.
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A
female
reader, Foxxy1 +, writes (7 March 2011):
Are you spiritual? Just have faith and trust the Lord. Maybe the space is what she needs to find herself after being consumed with someone else's life for 11 yrs. Don't be afraid to get hurt if you still love her. Try to find out what went wrong the first time and what she has done to heal herself or to change her ways. Not too many men will be willing to forgive someone who left them for their best friend. So you are taking a bold step and you must not rush things until certain things are clear and you receive a confirmation from God. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (7 March 2011):
 Have faith, don't give up, but don't wear out your welcome with her either. It is possible for people to fall back into love. I speak from experience. Unfortunately some times it takes a while to happen. Its different for every woman but sometimes it takes realizing that there are a lot of bad men out there who just want to rent you for a while they don't want to "own" you and/or take on your kids. And that no one will ever love her as much as you do. And you prove that by taking her back when she does finally come to her senses.
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