A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:So I have been dating this girl for almost 2 years now and we have a lot of problems. It seemed to start out good and then she confessed to a major lie.She told me that her brother's wife died and he is unable to take care of his kids so she took them in. It turns out that they are her kids. She was in fact still married although claims to have been separated and was living with her husband for the first month and a half that we were dating.I forgave the lies, tried to move on but found myself becoming more and more skeptical of anything she had to say. We have tried to work through the issues without much success and more recently I have learned that while I am away for work (2 weeks at a time), she has been sneaking out to the bar and with friends. She has every guy she ever dated (and it’s a long list) on her MSN and has been seeking them out on facebook. Some she talks to on a regular basis and some almost never.The other day she located a female friend of hers and told her the brother's kids lie. Now I am wondering what to do. Can I and should I put up with it? Will I ever be able to trust her?To add to the issues, one night when she stayed over at my house (before we moved in together), she got an early morning call from home. She missed the call but suddenly had to run out the door at 5:00 am. Fifteen minutes later I got a call from a guy looking for her. It turns out her husband was looking for her, wanted to know why she wasn't home yet and seemed shocked when I told him we were dating.The next night he tried to kill himself. This is the point where she kicked him out and called it quits. A few months later, she and I took the kids camping only to return to find that he had managed to go through with it this time.I find myself now feeling responsibility for these children as if they were my own. Not just because their father killed himself as a result of this relationship, but also because I have grown very close to them over the past couple of years.So what should I do now, leaving the relationship would most certainly cause issues for the kids. My heart would be broken and I know I could never stand to see her date someone else which would mean cutting her and the kids totally out of my life.Has anyone ever had something similar? Should I be making an exit strategy?
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female
reader, MommyOfOne  +, writes (28 February 2009):
 Well... That's gunna be a hard road if she isn't agreeing. But, have you thought of getting guardianship of the kids or something like that so you could get rights, like visitation?
I would go speak with a family court judge/lawyer and see what can be done, and what can't.
A
female
reader, MommyOfOne +, writes (28 February 2009):
Well... That's gunna be a hard road if she isn't agreeing. But, have you thought of getting guardianship of the kids or something like that so you could get rights, like visitation?
I would go speak with a family court judge/lawyer and see what can be done, and what can't.
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A
female
reader, MommyOfOne +, writes (28 February 2009):
Well... That's gunna be a hard road if she isn't agreeing. But, have you thought of getting guardianship of the kids or something like that so you could get rights, like visitation?
I would go speak with a family court judge/lawyer and see what can be done, and what can't.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo an update on the situation.....
Since this post. We have been fighting a lot! We were engaged but now she has taken the ring off. She told me she just isn't ready to get married.
For Valentine’s day we just went out with friends. There has been no intimacy between us and the next day she said she was going to a women's job fair with a friend.
It turns out she went to a psychic show that discusses relationships. She was 2 hours late getting back and had all kinds of stories about what people were talking about. None of it true!
It took me a week to find out for sure and when I did I sent her an email explaining that I knew and if she wanted to continue in this relationship we would have to build mutual trust and respect.
This sparked a huge fight where she told me she hates me! She is only here because we have a mortgage she cant afford on her own and that she wanted to focus on getting it to something she could.
She told me it would suck for me because once she could she would no longer feel trapped and she could kick me out if things did not get better.
Then when she went to renew her car insurance, she picked up 2 passes for movie discounts and we went on a date. I told her how I feel. How I feel dead inside and at times feel like I want to kill myself.
I have found that she has been digging up old photos of her and her ex and posting them on facebook but hiding them from me. She has been posting notes, and wall posts all hidden from me.
Things are such a mess and her only response to it all is "I know you better than that, you won’t kill yourself".
I have come to feel she is a heartless b*tch who only thinks of herself. Now I don't know how do I get out of here without losing 90 grand invested in the house. How do I just walk away with her not being able to afford the house and knowing I will never see the kids again if I do?
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A
female
reader, MommyOfOne +, writes (16 January 2009):
Oh wow. This is pretty huge.
Before I can say anything, what do you mean by exit strategy? To plan your escape? I can see how it would be hard to believe her. She obviously has problems with telling the truth. The lie she is telling is just obscene. Why in the world is she denying her very own children? I agree with the first poster, I wish you had rights to the children and you could take them on...
You very well may be the only stable parent they have. Bio Dad is gone. Mom seems to be off her rocker. I know it would be hard to see her dating, but could you not be strong and be their Dad? As you have said the love between you and the children is real. And you are the closest thing to a father figure they have. Stay in their life. In time, 6 month maybe a year, seeing her will not have the same effect. Like any other parent that is no longer with their childs mother or father. But the babies don't have anyone else... It would be a strong act. Only a strong, true man could do such a thing. As to step in, and raise another mans children...
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A
female
reader, sheribaby38 +, writes (16 January 2009):
 those kids have been thrue alot. however shes not a good parent. it sounds like shes a bunch of trouble. i dont know what i would do. i feel sorry for the kids and for you. on one hand i would not want to leave the kids with her but there not yours. i understand your in a delima. im sure its hard believing anything that comes out of her mouth. it sounds like shes always in search of the next best thing. you have your own life though. if you need move on then move on. im sure someone else will be there to help with the kids. if your not happy just go. its not rrealy your responsibility to save everybody. good luck.
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