A
male
age
41-50,
*erbalkent
writes:Ok. I met my sons mom in 2003,.,we now have a 6 year old son together. back in the begining when we first met we had one of those open conversations about the past.The things she told me didnt bother me at first, then because of the timeline she gave me,and the number of men she said she was with, my mind started doing the math and the story had holes in it. Me asking her questions pretty much ruined the relationship. I rather have someone that will be completely honest with me with any question i ask than to leave holes in the story. We have been off and on for 7 years. We just got back together in november 2010.The holes in the story she told me 7 years ago made me ask her to be honest this time. So,.,.,in 2003 she told me i was number 26,.,I was 25 years old at the time and she was 28,.,she started having sex at the age of 17.she told me that she joined the army in 1998.As far as what she has told me I know of 10 people that had to have taken place from 1998-2003 when she met me.And im included in the 10.she was with her first sons dad after she had him in 1999,.,she said she stayed with him for 2 years which would bring us to 2001.that would mean that those 10 people(including me)that i know about had to have taken place in a 2 year time frame.Then after we initially broke up in 2004, she had 3 relationships and one marriage that didnt work. So thats 4 which would bring her total to 30.and the total from 1998-now to be 14. When we had the conversation about the past recently she told me that was her number ,.,.,30,.,.lets go back to the number 14 which is the amount from 1998-now that i already knew of,.,now lets add the highschool boyfriend,.,and the two from the 3sum she had in college,.,with her so called boyfriend and his friend which would bring the total of people that I know of to 17.And one more person that she met in san antonio,.,which is 18 that i know of.She said there was a time that she stopped going to college,.,in 1996,.,and started modeling,.,living in louisiana and taking trips back and fourth to Cali for modeling gigs where she met a friend that knew actors and celebrities,.,they use to party with celebrities.,so on and so fourth,.,I think this is the part thats bothering me because somewhere in the mix there are still 12 people that i dont know about and my mind is telling me that this might have happened between the time she stopped going to school in 1996 up until the time she went to the military,which was 1998.,which would be 12 people in 2 years,.,i dont know this,.,this is just what my mind is thinking,.,They might haave been spread out between each break up,.,who knows,.,but because of the time frame i was givin i guess the part thats bothering me is that there HAD to have been a time when it was alot in a short amount of time.Like I said we are curreently together and have a 6 year old son together,.,we both want to maake it work and I Respect her for even telling me about things that she could easily lied about. So my question is one that i know i can answer myself but hearing things from other people helps alot. Am I looking into this too much? I truly want to be happy. and im sure i will as soon as these thoughts leave my hhead. She has never asked me about my past. I dont think im insecure in anyway so what is it thats making me even care about how many in what amount of time. Honest opinions please
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broke up, got back together, insecure, military, want to be happy Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): Yes, you are thinking way to much about this.
The only thing that matters is "who is she with now and what is she like now and what is the quality of the relationship".
Don't compare numbers unless it gets both of you really aroused sexually to do so...doesn't seem like that's the thing that is happening here.
A
female
reader, its ok  +, writes (26 January 2011):
please stop asking her about the past-it's obvious she loves you and does not want to mess you around.The fact that she is embarrassed about her past indicates that she does have some morals-allow her,she didn't know she was going to meet you when she did those things-if you ask her you will just humiliate her and she will lie anyway,out of shame and fear of losing you-just let it go,if she loves you it will be easy enough for her not to cheat on you trust me I have had too many partners as well but I have no problem sticking to one man if I like him.And the more she lies,the less you will trust her,which is silly because if she is lying out of embarrasment it dosen't mean she will tell you a lie about something important or that she will tell a spiteful lie it's better to just leave the subject well alone and enjoy what you guys have together-if you find out she's been seeing another bloke that's when I'd start having doubts
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A
male
reader, Liebes Kummer +, writes (26 January 2011):
I asked my wife similar questions when we got back together.
This is one area where fear of how you might react may lead a woman to tell half the truth.
If you love her and you can take the TRUTH, then tell her that you can take the bitter truth. Tell her you just want to know.
If she says there is nothing left to add then drop it. It is her past anyway, leave it in the past.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): Honest opinion? Yes you are thinking and asking about it too much. Nothing good will come of more analysis. If I was you I would just tell yourself to assume the worst in the areas you still don't know and start the process of digesting that.
I'm sorry but there is no way this is ever going to just stop bothering you. Many people might tell you that it will go away but they are wishful thinking. Retroactive jealousy is natures way of trying to stop you from settling down with the town slut. Your ancestors didn't have DNA testing for your kids and STI treatments for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): good god, I lost count after a bit. do you like maths? No? then why add and subtract pointless bits of information about someone elses life, BEFORE they were with you.
If she is faithful, caring and a good mum eveything else shouldn't matter. All this number crunching is going to do is lead you to lose a good woman.
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