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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been seeing this guy for almost 4 years, off and on. He recently moved out of state. Before leaving he told me that he wanted to bring me with. I may decide to attend college where he is next year, but I'm not sure if I can trust him. We have had our problems before, but I know he loves me. I don't know what to do. Should I risk everything and move near him, or try my best to forget about him. Lost and Undecided
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2005): Four years is along time although on and off. There are issues which should be confronted. The fact he left the state leaving you with the choice to join him or remain -doesn't say he loves you. Also the fact you do not trust him doesn't say you love him either. Make a conscious selfless choice as your boyfriend has done and do what is best for yourself. Good luckAlison
A
reader, NordicBeauty +, writes (8 July 2005):
When it comes to your education....it's really important that you choose the University best for you, not the one your boyfriend wants you to attend.
Your choice of University can reflect upon your career & income potential.
You mention 3 things that stand out to me:
1) "we've had our problems before"
2) "should I risk everything?"
3) "I'm not sure I can trust him"
Since you've endured some rocky patches with him, it's obvious your relationship might not be on solid ground.
You're not sure you can trust him, which implies he might have had an affair on you in the past.
If you risk EVERYTHING & settle in to HIS University, keep in mind, by the time you arrive there, he has already attended that University for over a year, & will have new friends, so you'll feel like an outsider & will focus your energy on "catching up" with him, and your studies will suffer.
You have become an Adult, so now is the time to exercise your right to make adult decisions which will affect the rest of your life.
Choose the University YOU WANT to reflect on your future, one that will cater to your talents and skills...not his.
Men will come & go over the years, so I advise to focus on your education & possibility of a lucrative career.
When you finish your education & land a great job, get your own place, a new car, etc...then you will feel confident & your life experience will have increased to the point when you feel ready to embark on a wonderful romance !
Take your time, sweetie...plan YOUR future wisely.
All the best,
(hugs)
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A
female
reader, rrclark21 +, writes (8 July 2005):
It sounds like you and this guy are really in love, but WAIT! Like you stated before you two have been off and on, so your best bet is to continue pursuing your dreams right where you are. You guys can still keep in touch, and if he really loves you he'll understand. He's pursuing his dreams, therefore you need to pursue yours- by yourself. If the trust in your relationship is questionable then you already found an answer which is don't do it. I'm sure your still young and so is he, so space is healthist thing for you two right now. So stay strong and don't put all of your eggs into one basket; and remember if you let something go and it comes back to you then, its yours.
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A
female
reader, jociandee +, writes (8 July 2005):
I think that you need to determine what effect it would have if you moved with him and it didn't work out. Are you the kind of person who could finish college and move on whilst being on your own in another state? If you do not think that you have the strength then I would advise you not to risk your future on him. If you do not trust him & you don't think you ever will then there isn't a relationship however if you think he is worth the risk then take it!. The decision is only yours to make but I would suggest that you consider what is most important to you at this time in your life, what you have where you live now, or him. Good Luck in whatever you choose.
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