A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I had been dating my ex for about 15 months or so. We met online, but we were virtually inseparable. Every moment of our spare time was spent with one another. Alright sex life for what you are capable of on camera/phone. We had planned to meet multiple times though things would get in the way and we had to postpone. He would never lay eyes on another girl.Completely out of the blue, he tells me he had been talking to another girl for a few days and he wants to be with her. He never gave any indication he was unhappy. His reasoning was that she "awoke" something in him that only I had when we first met and now he finds her perfect and loves her from knowing her only a week. She laughed at me commenting how I couldn't please him.Naturally, I sank into a deep depression. I foresaw a future with this guy. I offered to work on any problems he may have with me, but he refused. He still spoke to me afterwards telling me about the two of them. She's gorgeous, has a very large inheritance, and is a complete "freak", in his words. Eventually my sincerity reached him, and he reasoned he couldn't chose between the two of us. He would have a future with me, but what would he be missing by not staying with her? When she's gone, he uses me to get off. I already know that their relationship in that aspect is by no means lackluster so why does he come to me?She found out, she forgave him, and now she wants me completely out of the picture. That night he made his 'decision' and it was her. She then made him tell me that we can't even be friends. But once again, she was gone for another night and he came back to me... even after I made it clear that I am not waiting around for him or chasing after him.Should I tell her? Should I allow this? Why is he still doing this after making his so-called decision? I feel she is very manipulative and only wants the attention or gifts that he is so devoted to giving, but in turn he just wants her money/sex? What in the world is he thinking? I still actually want to be with him, but I don't think he will fully come around. Do I even bother?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010): I agree with CaringGuy except on one point, I'd tell her. He's playing the two of you and frankly she deserves to know.
"Do I even bother?" NO, you don't! You walk away. This guy is an absolute douche and why you are letting him use you is beyond me. This guy is f**king tool, a grade A asshole he has nothing good to offer you (please excuse my language, guys like him ruin good women like you), yet you let your heart get attached to him and let your heart tell your head what to do.
He chose her and you still let him back him, he cheats on you, he cheats on her, he says he's in love after a couple of days? Wake up, he's been seeing her for a while behind your back. This guy has it made, he has two women letting him do whatever he wants and no matter how bad he is to them they take him back.
What you have to decide is whether you truly see a future with this guy, a future that is not full of cheating, heart break and continuous depression. If you think you feel bad now, just imagine what it will be like in a few months if you keep letting him do this.
"I feel she is very manipulative and only wants the attention or gifts that he is so devoted to giving" Are you serious? She's the bad guy? He probably has her convinced that you're like this too, he's the manipulative one and in fact she's more likely the exact same as you, a lonely woman stuck on a guy that has no compassion or feeling for anyone but himself.
She's not the enemy he is and you have to start seeing him as that, because he's playing you and he will absolutely destroy you if you don't get rid of him now. Don't let loneliness or love cloud your judgement or effect your decisions on this. It hurts and it will hurt for a while but this pain is nothing compared to what will happen to you if you don't get rid of him and get rid of him now. He's not even worth having as a friend.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (13 July 2010):
Have nothing more to do with him. He's a liar, a cheat and an abuser of women. And to bother with him, or have anything more to do with him would be an unhappy judgement on your part. As for her, say nothing because you'll just seem jealous or something. But do not have anything more to do with him.
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A
female
reader, jodie-alice-x +, writes (13 July 2010):
 Personally, I think you can do a hell of a lot better than this guy. His new piece of meat doesn't sound all that great either, so I wouldn't bother about her, she can find out in her own time what a jerk he is.
He is only using you to get off when she's gone, which is just wrong; and you shouldn't stand for that, no women should.
You are a lot better than that and you should think a lot more of yourself than a few dirty phone calls a week.
Leave them to it, delete his number, email etc. and get him out of your life quicker than he came into it.
He's a player, he'll move on in no time, as harsh as that sounds because I know you really liked the guy.
But you can move on just as quick.
Be brave, grab the tissues and look after yourself sweetheart; every things going to be okay, honest.
Jodie x
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