A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi, i have a bit of a problem.Me and my partner are in a long distance relationship. We have been together for 18 months and 6 months ago i moved to a different country to work. We love each other more than anything, we see each other about twice a month. We just came back from a holiday together, and i have a few trust issues with him which we spoke about but still had suspisions so i looked through his computer and found that he had been receiving pictures from other men (sexual pics) and there was a folder with him on there with pics of him. He said that it shouldnt be a problem because its just porn but for me thats on a more personal level i know everyone looks at porn but is this too far? He split with me because i invades his privacy which is true. I was gutted and begged to work things out even against what he had done, but he didnt want to. I've now returned back to work and he's called me leaving messages saying he feels empty he misses me and love me. What am i suppose to do, do i accept that he receives sexual pictures from other men when im not there? or is this wrong he says he doesnt take it any further, but as you can imagine this situation opens up so many more questions .... please help???
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female
reader, missmel34  +, writes (14 December 2007):
 I'm with baby duck.
She just encaptulated my relationship theory, hers was so more eloquent then mine.
I call them core beliefs. I think every person deep in their soul has core beliefs of what is right and wrong, good and bad. Of how they want to live their life.
When you are with a person whos core beliefs are not the same as yours, well then thats where the problems come in.
If you can find a person who shares your core beliefs and goals in life...well thats the making of a soul mate.
Trying to convert a person to see life through your belief system when they simply don't see things your way is impossible.
Just about every question here on this site can be traced back to this very point.
A
male
reader, Stupid Lullabies +, writes (13 December 2007):
The simple answer is, it is clearly bothering you so yes he has gone too far and no, you shouldn't have to accept it. If he loves you as he professes to, then he would want to avoid hurting you, so regardless of whether the actual issue is right or wrong he should have enough respect for you that he stopped as soon as he realised he had hurt you.
In my opinion people often use the internet as an excuse, but the truth is, he is communicating with these men and exchanging pictures of a sexual nature. Remove the medium of the internet and he would basically be cheating on you, so yes, I think you have every right to object. You mentioned he had pictures of himself which presumably he shared with others, effectively what he is doing is taking something special, something unique that only you two share and distributing it to other men regardless of how this makes you feel.
My advice is that if he is lonely and missing you, and like he says, in love with you, then put your foot down on this issue before getting back together with him. Make him understand that it does upset you, and whether he thinks it is acceptable or not, you are not willing to be in a relationship where he doesn't respect the way you feel about what he is doing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2007): That it one strange man you've got there darlin'.
He might not be taking it any further - he says - but he sure has got strange tendencies.
If you don't like the idea of living with a homosexual (if I could be totally non-PC I'd call him a poofter) or even a bisexual then you need to get rid of him. No, you shouldn't accept his behaviour. He's odd and completely abnormal. He should have told you he was into men when he started your relationship. I call that deceitful, pure and simple.
Phil
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (13 December 2007):
 I think it's one thing to view porn on the net, but a totally different thing to exchange pictures with other individuals. That's kind of interviewing for a future date in my eyes. If he's also corresponding, well then! That's not porn at all, that on-line dating and I wouldn't step down on this issue, whether he thinks you are nosey or not. If he wants an exclusive relationship with you, he should stop looking for other people on the net. When you make a decision about what you yourself can and can't live with, stick by it. I really feel the same way, porn is one thing, don't really care about it, talking with a live individual, hell no.
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